With a massive 9 dance areas, and over 100 DJs, you were guaranteed to find something you liked at TwoTribes2004 “One Perfect Day”.

After making it through the head-to-toe security scans and convincing an over-excited security guard that my VIP pass was genuine, my friends and I did the standard routine: “do a lap, find a program, establish which DJs everyone most want to see, then do more laps.” There was heaps of walking to do, and the usual juggle of trying to catch at least half of each overlapping ‘major’ DJ.

We headed first into the Godskitchen zone to see a loaded dance floor moving to Pee Wee Ferris then Mario Piu – the sea of bobbing heads under the star-studded ‘sky’ was spectacular to watch from above, but the dance floor itself proved to be too crowded and packed with wankers for comfort. We fought our way out and stuck our heads in the Riot Room for a while – but Klassic & Sanders were playing to an almost empty dancefloor, so we wandered back through the (minimal) market to Future 2004 in the Rod Laver arena. We got there just in time to catch Hybrid setting the crowd alight with a remix of Prodigy’s classic ‘Smack My Bitch Up’ – which marked the start of a couple of hours of hardcore dancing for me!

Hybrid handed over the reins to BT (in from the USA) – and, quite simply, he went off! Energetic and enthusiastic, with a damn fine VJ display, BT had me laughing with the rest of the cruisy crowd when he claimed he’d knocked the power out with his butt (his computer crashed for a while, apparently). Despite the technical dramas, BT moved seamlessly to his keyboard and played live while the computer was fixed – I honestly don’t think a lot of people even realised there’d been a change. Mixing prog and trance with some rock classics, he kept me dancing right to the end of ‘Godspeed’. When Christopher Lawrence started trying to crank it up, I headed off to check out the other zones again (Unfortunately then missing one of the acts I’d really wanted to see again – Dutch prog-god, Lucien Foort, who by all accounts was sensational!).

After a bit of a breather, we discovered that the seriously energetic dancers seemed to have congregated at Planet Hardware and were sweating to the hardcore beats of Green Velvet, and then Vitalic’s techno/electro sound. It was good to see them being ably supported by local DJs like Richie Rich (music advisor on One Perfect Day and creator of ‘Hardware’), and that although the crowd fluctuated, it was a consistently popular zone.

Given that we no longer had the energy to keep up with the Hardware guys, we headed into Futurebreaks – but what is it with the Yarra Room? Every time you walk in there during a rave, it’s like a bloody sauna!! You could practically drink the air…Koma and Bones were excellent, but to be honest, nothing could have kept me in that sweat bath for more than 5 minutes!

Instead, we made the effort to spend some time with the ‘Family’ gang (OnePhatDeeva, Louis Osbourne and co) and what little I heard of it was okay… The majority of the crowd seemed to be loving OnePhatDeeva’s set, but the number of sweat-slicked topless steroid-boys pushing each other around was too much for me! (Not sure if I’m getting old, or just less tolerant of dickheads en masse?)

All of which resulted in a round trip back to the Godskitchen zone – in time to catch the tail end of Tomcraft and the beginning of Mauro Picotto. I hate to say it, but for a guy who claims “there’s only two types of music – good or bad”, he should look up ‘mediocre’. It really didn’t do it for me. Partly it was the crowd, but mostly it was the music – I backed out of there, and headed into the NRG area to grin my head off and dance my arse off at Raving Alco Vs St Luke (in honour of my housemates, Pisshead Kate and ‘The Other Luke’) until 5am.

I polished off the night with a bit o’Boogs (the man always delivers, even if it’s not always on time) in the One Perfect VIP zone. By the time I staggered out it was getting to be ‘ugly light’ outside, so I wandered into the city and managed to convince a limo driver to give me a lift back to Carlton (for a measly $10!)... I managed to finish my night with a free half-bottle of champagne whilst watching telly in the back of a limo. Fucken awesome. Kudos to Steve the Limo Driver – thanks a million.

Ultimately, Future Entertainment managed to pull together another great commercial event (if that’s not a contradiction in terms?). A few less ‘undercover’ cops would have been appreciated, and definitely a decrease in the number of idiotic GHB ODs, but with the provision of free drinking water in the loos, Red Bull back on the bar, and $10 all-night passes to the jumping castle…I had a ball. All in all, screw the Grand Prix, TwoTribes2004 was the most entertaining event held in Melbourne on Sunday!