It is Christmas day on the shores of Australia’s most famous beach – Bondi. There are families on the sand, couples in the café and party people in the Pavilion celebrating a Christmas away from home as only they know how – by hitting the cans! It is a day of merriment, but with all the toilets within a 100 metre radius having a ‘broken-do not use’ or ‘closed-do not enter’ sign, nobody’s feeling particularly merry – they are just busting to go to the loo!
So what does one do? Maccas across the road was open, but the queues were out the door. For over an hour I tried to find a toilet, unable to drink another drop or even dance to a beat, squirming through the masses absolutely and utterly busting. I caught a total of 20-minutes of headliner Judge Jules set, and I must say it was an impressive 20-minutes (although it could have just been the elation to finally be free of the two litres of beer I had been carrying around). Dozens of Santa-hats bopped merrily along to the strobe lights and euphoric beats of the UK master. And considering the majority of punters were from the UK, this was the ultimate cushion for a Christmas away from home.
Mind you, the weather was more reminiscent of a wintry London afternoon than a summer’s day in Sydney. The beach was littered with massive holes, families and friends huddled six to a ditch to avoid the icy chill. And as a venue I am sure it doesn’t get any better on a sunny day, peering out over the famed Bondi beach, beer in hand, beats in background – ironically not the case for Sunbeats however.
There was mention of extra-curricular activities including comedians and market stalls, although I didn’t catch any of it. Whether or not they cancelled it due to the weather or I just missed it trying to find a toilet, I don’t know. But sitting in the amphitheatre seats watching drunken poms fight other drunken poms to the front of the bar line was entertainment enough. So this is what a backpacker Christmas is like.
On a positive note, the house tent was absolutely pumping. A vibrating penis and blow-up beach balls weren’t the only excitement with Homegrown playing an absolutely rocking set of chart-toppers and old classics. This is where it was at, until the toilets opened at 7:30, (Thank you Chiswick Plumbing and Drain Save!), and stampedes of busting bladders fought for a chance at release. Tragically, it was the highlight of my day. And just on an unrelated note. Why were the sausages purple? What do you guys put in them? Surely they don’t feel the cold.
Unfortunately the problems with the water works hugely affected my day, because it was a great way for all of Sydney’s visitors to let loose on a Christmas away from home. Cheers to all the punters who, with flashing Santa-hats and reindeer ears, really made it a festive occasion. Maybe our Mayor should take a little advice from visitors on how to get into the Christmas spirit?
