I have already spent 2 days attempting to decipher my interpretations of the “whatismusiconothon” at the Metro. It is a challenge to say the least. So..

Let’s start at the very beginning, ‘cause it’s a very good place to start. When you read you begin with ABC, when you review “whatismusiconothon” you begin with Von Crapp Family.

This was the first act I saw (aside from a character dressed in a nightgown, with a pram, playing a whistle, with a sign saying, “Pay me to stop playing: I have 48 fat kids to feed”). Apparently, Von Crapps really are a family. The act consisted of a drummer (age approximately 12), the father (who spent the time sawing up an electric guitar whilst plugged in), and the other son who smeared shaving cream on a computer, then himself and proceeded to take to the computer with a golf club. The “set” peaked when the mother arrived onstage and made kookaburra noises whilst the father attempted to hit the broken computer with the demolished guitar. I would like to be a fly on the wall in that household.

Whilst I found it interesting, and confrontational, I was aghast to think I would be enduring such performances for 6 hours. On my way to check the lineup (which I needed to do frequently as there were 32 acts consisting of 145 performers) I stumbled across a deserted pram with crying toy dollies. I have a sneaking suspicion that the character mentioned earlier went to buy beer.

My next stop was Sir Richard Bishop. Whilst he is a one man show, his acoustic improvisations on the guitar were inspiring. I stayed for approximately ten minutes then needed to move on. It is essential for the reader to note that there were so many options, making it impossible to cover all performances. I am certain that all 700 eclectic characters that were there would have a differing interpretation of the night.

Chicks on Speed were my next stop. Whilst they were certainly attractive to look at, they were not manufactured in any sense. They spoke their minds through intense electronic music and visuals on a variety of controversial topics such as War, feminism, and society at large, but did so with such decorum that I didn’t feel as if I were being preached to. They were enjoying themselves, and had an enormous amount of energy.

Following the Chicks was the formally attired Bumhead Orchestra on the smaller stage. The orchestra consisted of all the essential groups; woodwind, brass and percussion. I am still trying to ascertain what group the rubber chicken with a kazoo coming out of its butt resides in. I am thinking the wind family.

The performance was highly charismatic. This was possibly due to the fact that the orchestra was conducted by Tex Perkins and had members from the Cruel Sea, the Substitutes, Ratcat, and Leone Carmen (Year My Voice Broke). And one point the conductor broke the baton and started using his limbs as an alternative. He also pertinently named one of the pieces, “Lost in the wilderness of my bind”. It was a comic performance, and the rubber chicken had the audience giggling.

By this stage I was on my third can of New. I do think that $5.80 for a can of beer is ambitious, but drinking out of a can does add to the non-pretentious ambience of the venue. The only other ingredient of the evening I was not overly impressed with was The Residents. I was expecting weird, legendary, self indulgent experimental music, whilst it was an odd performance the shock value was not what I expected.

Next I saw Sunn O))). Unfortunately I have no eloquent way to put this: they hit a brown note. Their low frequency and 14 amps made my bowels shudder. I was surprised that it was not The Bumhead Orchestra, Von Crapp Family, DJ Anal Erection or Passenger of Shit who had this effect.

My last stopover on my very peculiar journey was OOiOO. This all female Japanese band fronted by Yoshimi from The Boredoms created a very playful atmosphere, and their experimental music was the most accessible of the evening. Whilst almost cartoon like, they were very talented. Definitely the real thing.

I’d never been to an event like this before, but I am glad I did. I am still thinking about the evening, and the manner in which it challenged my musical boundaries.