There are those of us who believe – and often it seems like precious few in this blessed city – that “breaks” is not a worthy genre of music and that, furthermore, you can stick them up your arse.

Granted, this may not be a wildly popular stance, given that Kid Kenobi is still riding high as the darling of Sydney’s clubbers, but you can stick him up your arse as well.

I’m trying to speak on behalf of those that love hip-hop but can’t stand house. I don’t think I’m on my own here, but there aren’t too many nights in Sydney that cater to us. Breaks, in my not-so-humble opinion, generally falls squarely under the house banner. If this seems an untenable position to you, I’ve devised a simple formula that, if you examine for a minute or two, you’ll find is pretty watertight:

Hip-hop + House - Soul = Breaks

You can substitute “hip-hop” in the above formula for “drum n’ bass”, “dancehall reggae” or any of the other proper genres that Breaks has (mis)appropriated and it works equally well.

Still don’t believe me? OK, how many times have you come home from a breaks night with a nagging feeling of disappointment in your gut? You know, there were quite a few tracks that sounded good played loud, but they didn’t quite go anywhere and you feel strangely unfulfilled.

Still just me? Oh alright then, on with the review.

This was an awesome night. Jonathan Wall, perhaps cognisant of the towering might of the headline act, played a very decent warm-up set, with some excellent mixing and some very danceworthy tunes. Mark Ronson’s “Ooh Wee” was playing when I arrived, so I knew I was in for a good night. (As an aside though, I’m all for irony, but isn’t “Two Princes” going a little too far?)

Then the Perverts appeared, the floor filled, and the night belonged to them. For the Scratch Perverts know some key things that many of the denizens of this town seem not to:

• If you put a 4/4 beat behind a hip-hop track, it is no longer hip-hop
• If you put a slightly heavier bassline behind a house track, it is still house
• You can have some goon MC over it as much as you like: it is still house music
• Rock music is dance music

The last point is vital. You can take it as a given that the Scratch Perverts know how to drop a hip-hop track. But a Scratch Perverts show is about scratching the shit out of a single bassline beat before unleashing it as a White Stripes track, AND having the whole crowd dance just as much as they were before. It’s about playing proper music properly.

The Scratch Perverts also know that there is no credible middle ground between hip-hop and drum n’ bass, dancehall reggae or rock, all of which they played. If you’re going to play a rock track, make sure it rocks hard. And if you’re going to play drum n’ bass, make sure it’s the filthiest you can lay your hands on. There’s no confusion that way, no disappointment, and certainly no room for some twat on a saxophone or a set of bongos. If that’s what you really want, you’re already well catered for in this town and, on tonight’s evidence, Hijack ain’t the night for you.