I had the esteemed honour of an invite from MTV marketing agents in Sydney for myself and a friend to join a frenzied ‘mosh pit’ of gyrating young people for this year’s MTV Australian Video Music Awards held out at the Superdome at Olympic Park on what was an innocent enough Wednesday night. Funnily enough I received the email through the good people at Sublime at Home, saying that due to their ‘market research’ they deduced that the hardest party animals in Sydney go to Subbies, and that is the calibre of people they wanted on the floor. Quite obviously no one in the MTV marketing department has ever been to Subbies.

Either way we rocked up to a mammoth line to register at 2pm, went to the pub, and returned to the now diminished line at 6. Following some shenanigans and a few roast beef sandwhich fights (known as ‘video music award refreshment packs’) the cattle-style holding hall we had been waiting in slowly began to thin according to the colour wristband you were wearing, something akin to being sanctioned off into forced labour camps of teenybopper excitement.

On arrival in the Superdome everything was kitted out with made-for-tv cleanliness. Here it was in the plain flesh; the dr. jekell and mr.hyde style face of commercial superficiality. Anything and everything that wasnt made to be specifically in the camera’s eye was as ugly and contradictive to the theme as you could expect, from the cold hard concrete and the deluxe plastic VIP seating to the scungy festival porta loos and the shiny, seductive black stage. Understandably corporate.

Some time later a hush descended over the crowd who had turned to look above my head with awe and admiration. Megan Gale had entered the arena and the force of character and presence she exuded had silenced the room in respect. Eyes were wide open, mouths slightly gaping in sheer excitement and disbelief, yes it was one of those moments that make you proud to be part of such an amazing society that worships tits and ass above talent in a music popularity contest.

Apart from this exciting moment the usual slew of talentless corporate money machines filed in, from abroad and homegrown as well. Anticipation was in the air for such acts as Snoop Dogg (ok so possibly not as talentless as Ashlee Simpson, but still exciting to see if there might be a gang retaliation to Gas getting ‘shot up’ with rocks on Sunday night by two pissheads) and the Veronicas (one is good but two is twice the fun!) but alas it was not meant to be so as we were shortly ejected from the premises at the request of Lee Harding. Apparently he is not as comfortable with his sexuality as he projects… who am I kidding?

All in all the Australian MTV Video Awards this year were disappointing verging on suicidal. And expectations were high. If I had payed for a ticket I would have asked for a refund, if I had payed for my train home I would consider asking them to compensate me for inconvenience caused.