Smirnoff Experience feat. Armand Van Helden @ Secret Location, Sydney (28/04/07)
OK, so here’s my conundrum. As a general rule I’m a little bit resistant to advertising. I mean, how good can a party promoting an alcoholic beverage actually be? Part of me was secretly hoping it would turn out to be a little lame: a couple of DJs in a room somewhere, a few free drinks and some nibblies. There was no way a party could actually make me like Smirnoff more. After all, it’s just a drink! The problem starts with the fact that the Smirnoff Experience was no ordinary party: it was actually one of the most memorable events (excessive vodka aside) that I‘ve ever been to.
After picking up our special lanyard passes which were sealed in red-silver foil, the meeting point was revealed a few days before the event. Central Station, 6pm sharp. The crowd was already starting to buzz with excitement as a procession of buses with blacked-out windows rolled past. The queue to get onboard wasn’t moving particularly fast, but the idle time just fuelled speculation as to where we were heading. Traveling on a bus with no windows was both exciting and a little disconcerting, but I was unsure whether the vomit bags behind the seats were intended for those with motion sickness, or for the drunken ride home later in the evening.
Upon arrival we were ushered off the bus and through a long hallway full of hanging silver pearls, before finally emerging in vast warehouse space, beautifully lit with a wash of colour. “Welcome to the Smirnoff Experience.” An array of painted human statues contorted themselves on podiums along the entranceway (brandishing a bottle of Smirnoff of course). Attentive staff ensured everyone had a drink in their hands within 30 seconds of stepping off the bus and trays of tasty prawn pastries, sushi rolls and beef skewers circulated the room. An enormous open bar was set up down nearly the entire length of the warehouse with a dizzying array of Smirnoff-inspired drinks available, including a dangerous new ‘double vodka and guarana’ drink in a can.
The music was already pumping as the cavernous space started to fill with wide-eyed punters taking in the size of the venue. Ajax was throwing down his trademark electro-booty sound with tracks from Digitalism and The Presets reverberating around the room; his mixing classy and precise as always.
The night was hosted by The Cuban Brothers; four rather outrageous quasi-Latinos from Scotland. They injected a huge amount of fun, humour and spunk into the evening with their crazy dancing, afros, G-strings and one-liners. “Look at your beautiful breasts. I could kiss them all night long and not kiss the same bit twice!” one of the Brothers exclaimed to a lucky girl in the front row at one stage. “OK OK, don’t touch my penis”.
TV Rock stepped up after a couple of numbers from the Cuban Brothers and made their intentions clear early on. This was a party and they were going to play party music! New versions of Where’s Your Head At and the perennial Underworld classic Born Slippy got plenty of booties wiggling. The DJ duo worked together effectively with Grant Smillie on mixing duties and Ivan Gough scratching up a storm and layering the tunes with kooky effects and tricks. The most surprising thing about their set was that TV Rock’s mega-hit Flaunt It never made an appearance!
Sneaky Sound System were the next the hit the stage. They played an energetic set including all their current hits as well as a nice rendition of the Eurythmics’ Sweet Dreams. There’s certainly no way you could doubt the popularity of Sneaky’s music at the moment, with Pictures becoming a 1500 people strong sing-along.
As the night progressed the surprises just kept coming. Two additional side rooms opened their doors at about 8.30pm – one contained a giant twister board, the other a roulette and blackjack table (that you could play without cash!). Roving entertainment appeared at various points throughout the evening including a remarkable woman who, in an act reminiscent of Cirque Du Soliel, performed remarkable feats of gymnastics from a red ribbon suspended from the ceiling. People around her were transfixed by the strength, grace and sheer audacity of the spectacle. More heads were turned by a quartet of people walking around the room with their heads in fish tanks. Sound weird? It was!
The headline act Armand Van Helden stepped up to the decks after another comic interlude from the Cubans. In DJ terms, the first 30 minutes of his set was a bit scratchy. There were some average transitions and some sloppy beat matching that was surprising from a DJ of his calibre. High standards aside, there is no doubt he was busting out the party tunes the event required: a couple of his own classics like My My My, Hear My Name and his latest single Touch Your Toes were mixed in with plenty of other crowd pleasers. He manned the decks for nearly two hours and kept the crowd grinning the entire time.
The Cuban Brothers stepped back onstage to wrap things up and finished with a camp and entirely appropriate rendition of Lionel Richie’s All Night Long. Many from the crowd jumped onstage to join in the performance as a spectacular cascade of red and gold glitter tumbled from the ceiling – it was a spectacular way to end the night.
The only thing that was vaguely predictable about this party was the music. In any other context I’d probably have a whinge, but the event was about far more than tunespotting. The Smirnoff Experience achieved exactly what it set out to: this was not just a party, it was an experience. There was an overwhelmingly positive vibe about the night that got each and every person there in the spirit: sure the queues for the toilets might have been long, but people were there to party and that’s exactly what they did. And there will probably never be as much vodka consumed simultaneously in one location ever again. The Smirnoff Experience will be spoken about in hushed tones by those who were lucky enough to go, and for those who missed out, lets hope Smirnoff see the value in doing it all again!
Now, the only question remaining is… will I buy more Smirnoff? I reckon so.
Check out photos from the Smirnoff Experience HERE
