I’ve been told that fat girls give the best head because they have to try harder, you know – “they don’t know when they gonna get some next”. I won’t decide whether this is true until I give head to a fat girl, but the same applies to Rennie Pilgrem, that ugly skinny bald man who has to try a hell of a lot harder to pull a crowd than say, some of his easy-on-the-eye-breakbeat-elite counterparts like the uber-stylish Adam Freeland, who can get away with downing vodka, playing a mix CD and standing on the turntables to impress a crowd.

Regardless of whether he tries hard or not, Pilgrem consistently brings only the finest servings of tasty breakbeats to the table time and time again. Take for instance his Perfecto Compilation from 2003, which contained such classics like Meat Katie & Elite Force’s Ju Ju and the Emit/Collect remix from Pilgrem himself, where he imaginatively inserts the little break from the start of Daft Punk’s Da Funk throughout the song. It gives you an idea of the caliber of his DJ and production work.

Rennie Pilgrem is a veteran. And by veteran, I don’t mean that he ‘exploded onto the scene with his release xx in 2001’. This guy was making records when Prodigy were still 80 per cent dancers (and not MCs), and when Moby still owned the rights to all his own songs. Respect!

But moving back to 2007, well after the breakbeat wave had served the mainstream clubbing community, the big names had receded and the little guys got their chance to shine. It was their time to prove themselves. The Meat Katies and the Rennie Pilgrems, who had been producing and remixing records for years finally got a shot at mainstage (at least in Australia) and it is now we are finally being able to see the fruits of their labor in person, to hear them, to touch them, to steal their wallets and rent videos under their names (Take that Mark Pendleton!). And so, it is after much deliberation I am proud to present my review of Rennie Pilgrem; artist, DJ, lover.

Rennie Pilgrem’s veteran status could only be upgraded to Grand Master Chief of the Breakbeat, and on Friday night at Chinese Laundry, it was. Truly illuminating why he is repeatedly touted the ‘founder of nu-school breaks’, he was an example of everything that is right and true in dance music and his unpretentious track selection was impressive to say the least. The set demonstrated just exactly how much the man has nailed down his sound: while the surface sounds, synth lines and nasty electronic stylings were all nu-school to the core, they were grounded at all times by the fattest, chunkiest breaks that you could possibly imagine. They didn’t let up for a second over his two and a half hour performance, and there was little you could do but bust some phat dance moves on the Laundry dance floor (or at least attempt to because as per usual, the club was uncomfortably packed to the rafters). While many others in the breaks scene have forgotten that this is what it’s all about as they became increasingly enamored with house and electro, Rennie Pilgrim has kept his eyes on the prize.

Not once did I see a disappointed punter, and after running through his most recent production and DJ catalogue along with a few forgotten classics like Mr Velcro Fastener’s Electric Appliances, Pilgrem nodded a solemn bald head in the direction of the Aussie with the dropping of a well placed Dopamine track. As I said before the consistency is what counted, and where the crowded Chinese Laundry on a Friday night has reduced many an international DJ to their knees (I have witnessed it), Pilgrem stood tall and true, waving the dark, bass-heavy flag for all to move in succession to the music in his wake.

In spite of all this phatness I still managed to take a small drinks break, straying to The Cave where I was pleasantly surprised by the goings on. This time, Sydney man Bass Kleph had been shunted to the back room where he was mixing up a storm, unleashing breakbeat classic favourites like Phil Collins Running, which was a nice change from his usual electro-breaks shortfire style of mixing. A very nice change.

After his unrelenting all out assault on the eardrums and dance floor, Pilgrem finally drew his set to a close, which meant back to The Cave for more Kleph. And another drink, naturally. Seeing Rennie Pilgrem in person is not something that any self respecting breakbeat fan should miss out on, so I had to see him: if for nothing else than to tick him off a big list of ‘things to do’ before take the shameful step of moving in with my girlfriend and mooching off her parents.