Dix and Tits: I have one of those things and I adore the other, what could possibly go wrong on a night like this? I don’t mean to get all Memento on you by giving away the ending at the beginning but this was simply one of the most knee-slappingly fun evenings of my relatively long clubbing life, but more on that later. I simply must gush.

The thing I love most about my second home the Chinese Laundry is the variety. Its like the Wal-Mart of Sydney dance music, it simply has the best of everything all the time at a cheaper price and I swear I have seen the staff walking around in little red vests with pocket protectors…. That isn’t to say that the club is generic or a greedy conglomerate at all, quite the opposite. It has a special comfort factor, kind of like walking into your own laundry at home with a pile of washing and tripping over something that turns out to be Desyn Masiello.

Back to the sexual innuendo, Dixon and Tittsworth were the names at the top of the poster as I meandered into the sandbar, the night had started nice and early with a couple of fat sausages (no reference to the dicks here) in the garden where they have the BBQ’s fired up every week after hosting the hugely successful in the mix BBQ with Stephan Bodzin a few weeks ago. Although it was raining slightly I walked out into the garden and realised that I wasn’t getting wet only to look up and notice the massive new roof covering, which was a godsend for all the future cancer patients on this horrible weather weekend.

Jeff Drake was the first on in the Sand Bar and was playing some very cool tunes from the Soft Tigers, Miami Horror and The New Young Pony Club to get the already rather big crowd bopping away. Jeff always has this “I may look a little bit like Tom Hanks but I came to PARTY!” demeanour about him: I swear I saw a girl go up to him and yell “I loved you in Big!” to which he replied politely “No sorry I didn’t pack that one”.

As soon as downstairs opened I followed the sea of punters in one of those uncomfortable ‘Is that rain or sweat’ compact crowd moments, to see the first time pairing up of Steve Lind and Spruce Lee. Now I don’t know if it’s the fact that they have the same initials or similar facial hair, but these guys ripped the Laundry a new one. The new layout means that everyone is facing the DJ booth and these guys were serving up some wicked Baile style beats infused with mammoth speed garage kickbacks straight to the masses. I felt like Tigger: no not the Gay Canadian electro king, but the bouncing cartoon Tiger. I felt myself pointing to the roof so much (an indication of ‘what the hell is this tune’) that I think the guys probably thought it was leaking. What a great warm-up set: a spoonful of the Prodigy here, a dash of Sinden there, it was just a magnificent warm-up for Titty.

I quickly ducked over to check out Club Junque do his minimalectro thang in the cave and it was easy to see why this DJ is one of the most highly regarded up and comers in Sydney, his ‘peeing yourself in bed’ warm tech influenced house was some of the most lush sounds I have ever heard come out of the Cave and his mixing was very smooth and tight, just like your very first girlfriend…. Yeah, I went there.

Now back to the Laundry. This is where the night got very intense. The crowd was packed in like colourful sardines for the start of Tittsworth’s set. The guy has so much ‘presence’ its like Santa came early. His style of mixing meant that you were never anything but completely losing it at every change. I felt like Augustus Gloop in the chocolate factory, but instead of a river of sweet sweet cocoa it was a sea of bad beats and room shaking basslines. To say that this guy owned and destroyed the dance floor would be like saying that I wouldn’t mind seeing Jessica Alba naked, and I swear my arms did not come down for the whole 1.5 hours of his set. It was like being robbed at gunpoint except I’m pretty sure all my money was stolen by the bar staff in exchange for beer.

Trainspotting? Not possible, the tracks were mashed and scratched and looped so much it was just a big wall of sound dumping you so often that I swear I could taste salt water. Top 5 sets of all time, indeed. Now all I have to do is find him on Facebook so we can be ‘friends’ and I can take quizzes with him about 80s movies and battle vampires…. I’m so not in love SHUT UP!

I would like to say that I saw Dixon in action , but honestly I didn’t …. I could not stand to miss even a second of Tittsworth, what a great night. If you weren’t there I suggest you check the guy out on YouTube: anyone that can mash Born Slippy with Queen is the future father of my children. Hey, if Schwarzenegger could get pregnant in Junior then there is hope for us all.