Downstairs: Quirky German & Electro.
Upstairs: Tekno Insanity.


Being the first tech lover to arrive at the Bentley Bar, at precisely 8.02pm, it could be said I was a little more than mildly excited about the techno and electro New Years offerings about to grace my ears.

I, along with the rest of Sydney’s techno following, breathed a collective sigh of relief when a badly photocopied ‘Crunch New Years Eve Platter Matter’ flyer was thrust in front of me at Castles on Castlereagh a few weeks ago.

Settling into a beer and a comfy couch downstairs, I watched Michael X throw on a few records until Royal’s schedule set at 9pm.

I thought I hated electro. Surprisingly this stuff wasn’t too bad. Friendly, yet kitsch – recognisable samples coming from the likes of Marvin the Martian and Bill ‘I did not have sexual relations with that woman’ Clinton. Quirky indeed.

I ventured upstairs at around 9pm to catch the end of newcomer Antony Box’s set. It was early but Box wasn’t holding back, starting the evening with some up tempo Detroit-style tech, setting the stage for, I feel, one of the most underrated DJ’s in Sydney – Dartech.

Following on from his cracker Good To Be Home @ 77 set the previous Thursday, Dartech pleased all with his technical skills, working the EQ’s nicely. Ben Sims’ ‘The Dubs’ reverberated through the sparsely populated upper level, followed by a little Adam Beyer number, onto Pimp Squad’s ‘Hidden Obsession’ and Slater’s ‘Body Freefall, Electronic Inform’. I had to steal myself away from Dartech’s boo collection and spin back technique to trek to Sublime @ Home, to hear Phatboy play by far, his best set, in the Icon Room. (Catching a hint of Royal’s hip hop infused electro on the way out. Nice.)

During my Phatboy intermission, I unfortunately missed the electro stylings of Elektra, as well as Dartech vs Underfunk, and Fax – spinning some apparently killer techno upstairs.

Fighting my way back to the Bentley through the drunken NYE Sydney streets at around 12.30am, Visage (aka Ajax) welcomed me downstairs with what seemed to be his favourite track at present – the electro mix of Bros’ ‘When Will I Be Famous’.

Visage wouldn’t be Ajax without a surprise or two. “Work it, make it, do it, makes us, harder better faster stronger…” wailed from the speakers, as did “me so horny … me so horny”, keeping with the quirky electro theme downstairs.

I ventured upstairs at around 1am to find Techione in the middle of a DJ set. Yes, a DJ set.

“I’d like to get into DJ’ing a lot more. This is the first real DJ set I’ve played in a club, except for the Crunch DJ competition,” Techione later quipped.

The dark, techy, repetitive beats continued with Zeta Reticula’s ‘EP1’, and I felt some of the melodies and samples were almost dark trance-esque, layered with a tech bass line.

And before Techione ventured into that psychedelic domain, he brought it banging back with Surgeon’s ‘Sleep’, to his better half, Joanne’s delight.

Whilst I did enjoy Techione’s DJ set, 1.35am heralded the moment I’d been waiting for. Techione Live. Personally, by far the best set of the night, he delivered as promised. Big, hard, thumping bass. Catchy melodies. Hihat heaven. Good quality original techno – Techione’s sixth sense. Upstairs was comfortably packed and going nuts.

Keen for some downstairs action, I was greeted with Michael X pumping out the saxy sounds of ‘Birdland’ to an up-for-it crowd. Returning upstairs for Biz E’s set, I later hear rumours of a Billy Jean electro remix played shortly after that – Michael X, can you confirm or deny??!!

After a talc run to the friendly Oxford Street Convenience Store, I returned to find the explosive ball of banging techno energy that is Biz E. Starting his set with bangy techy beats, layered with typically electro sounds, he melted me into a puddle of joy with Dave Clarke’s ‘Before I Was So Rudely Interrupted’.

Stunned and ecstatically mortified, I have never seen anyone work the decks and mixer without consequence as Biz E did. This man is not only a DJ, he is an entertainer.

Picture it. Crowd going apesh*t to Clarke, the godfather of techno. The bass is absolutely cranking. Biz E slaps the cross fader, so silence fills the club. The crowd stares and Biz E hollers at the top of his lungs, “Hit it!!!”, smacks the cross fader back again, and Clarke’s techno insanity blasts out – everyone in the house goes ABSOLUTELY nuts.

Biz E obviously telepathically appreciated my love for Filterheadz (Zzino vs Filterheadz – ‘Corrador’ has been in my head for the past week), smashing out ‘Latin Loopworks’ – Tomaz vs Filterheadz, filling upstairs with big, thumping, 137 BPM techno with a Latin feel. My upstairs Biz E fix closed with the gem, ‘Cosmic Indifference’ by Mike Ink. I was well satisfied. Off downstairs to check out STADT.

A STADT mix of electro and mainly techno suited the crowd downstairs – older chilled drinkers, business types and the younger party electro crew. The punters also made it such an enjoyable atmosphere – a mix of ‘classes’, almost like a private house party, combined for one night of attitude-free tech/electro frivolity. (Obviously different to my Sublime @ Home crowd experience some hours earlier.)

3.30am ticked over and Antony Box reclaimed the decks upstairs. Missing most of his earlier set, it was difficult to believe this was Box’s first club set.

Although technically Box was o-kay… his track selection and flow of set was superb. Skills can be learnt but taste cannot. The Safety Session’s remix (being Adam Beyer and Joel Mull) remix of ‘The Velvet Mixes’ – Samuel L, is one example of impeccable selection, followed by the bomb that is ‘Midnite Club’ – Surgeon.

With Box’s mentor Techione overseeing, he stunned me with Underworld’s ‘King of Snake (Dave Clarke remix)’, which saw the dwindling 4am crowd cutting loose in a haze of good tech and talcum powder.

Continuing on the Clarke theme, Midfield General’s ‘Coatnoise (Dave Clarke remix)’, I thought it best to head downstairs for a beer and a rest. Down beat electro, a comfy couch and top air-conditioning – the perfect way to end a night and rest the weary legs.

Overall, the sound on both levels was near perfect. Lots of bass, lots of mid range, not too much tinny high end. Although the levels were turned down at several stages during the evening (possibly due to noise complaints), Crunch parties still consistently have quality sound considering they do not have an extremely large budget to work with.

I left the Bentley around 6am, having had the best New Years Eve I’ve had in a long time. The music, the crowd and the relaxed venue definitely made my night and I pity the poor souls who missed out on the platter of superb techno and electro that was Crunch.


Big ups to Techione for all his help with the track trainspotting. See y’all at the next Crunch…