If the Sunday night Masterchef finale was chock full of half-surprises, it had nothing on Monday night with The Scissor Sister’s Melbourne Splendour in the Grass side-show. The venue had a school-like atmosphere. With low, makeshift balconies on three sides and shredded pleather collapsible seats, Festival Hall literally felt like a school hall. People were giddy with anticipation.

Lead singers Jake Shears – in ripped, skin tight black jeans and tattered, barely there black singlet – and Ana Mantronic – in black pleated rubber skirt and matching top – were supported by BabyDaddy on bass, *Del Marquis * on guitar, Randy Real on drums, a keyboardist and two backup singers. From our vantage on the balcony, the floor space throughout the night looked raucous. Unfortunately, the fun police were out in force, as those dancing – the shock horror! – being gently asked to sit down or move to the side, so as not to block the view of those who came sit and watch the show. People – this is Scissor Sisters, not the Royal _Melbourne Orchestra; I don’t feel like dancing is meant to be ironic!

Scissor Sisters ripped onto the stage, launching into the eponymous opening song on their new album, Nightworks with energy and zest. Nightworks was followed by Laura, and then, lifting the energy a notch, they belted out She’s my Man, with BabyDaddy and Del Marquis especially crossing swords for a ripping solo. A blistering rendition of Whole new way followed, and when Ana stuck her head in Jake’s crotch, there was little doubt as to the underlying meaning to the lyrics “We can talk about relationships, but I’ve got better things to fill your head with.” Between songs, the banter was classic Scissor Sisters: witty, ironic, and filthy. When Jake complained that they felt like a “jetlagged crack whore”, Anna mentioned “I feel more like a crack madam”. She also reminisced that ‘the last time we were here, Anna Nicole Smith died.’ After declaring that “We’ve kissed around the neck and the ears, so it’s time to take it to second base”, they launched into Tits on the Radio, Take your Mama out, and Skin Tight. Ana Mantronic’s sultry rendition of Skin this cat showed her at her best, as she crooned with the lights low and the back up singers in close support.

Then it happened. I had heard rumours, but thought it was just too far-fetched to be true. There she was, before our very eyes in a skimpy black “j’aton” number: Kylie. Together with Jake and Ana, the trio reprised their Glastonbury rendition of Any which way. getting everyone to their feet. Jake summed up the crowd sentiments as Kyle exited stage left, exclaiming, “I love that little pixie!” Following Kylie’s appearance, the group kept the energy up with Fire with Fire, I don’t feel like dancing, and Night life. They exited for a short interlude, making us beg for more. With the encore, they delivered – big time. The encore kicked off with a second Kylie appearance. This time glittering like a disco ball, she sang an acoustic version of her new single, All the lovers. joined by Ana, in a hot little red and black number, and Jake, looking like he borrowed his outfit from the German Dodgeball B team. The final two tunes Invisible Light and Filthy/Gorgeous sent everyone into a frenzy.