A recent visitor to Australian shores, ITM gets the lowdown on what hard dance DJ, producer and label owner extraordinaire Ed Real got up to on his antipodean trek.
1ST MARCH / LONDON
Things get off to a bumpy start as British Airways tell me that they have oversold the flight to Singapore. I’m psyched up and ready for three weeks of rock n roll mayhem and falling at the first hurdle isn’t in the script. Thankfully they find me a seat and I’m finally on my way to OZ!
Luckily the seating episode has diverted the check-in ladies’ attention from my luggage; suitcase weighing in at 27kgs (it contains a bag full of records as well as my clothes) is slapped with a ‘Heavy Luggage’ tag, whilst my tried and tested method of hiding the record bag out of her line of sight under the counter works, and she only checks out my laptop bag which in itself probably weighs another 15kgs. My computer and power pack hail from an earlier era when portable didn’t equate to light! I must be a good 20kgs overweight – bring on the MP3 revolution!
2nd MARCH / SINGAPORE
I unfold myself and breeze through customs and immigration. Smeg, my university friend and former co-promoter of my first clubbing venture ten years ago, meets me and we jet into the city to his apartment.
The night starts at a restaurant and by the digestive we are half cut. According to Smeg, Singapore has two night spots of note; the legendary Zouk – Asia’s equivalent to Fabric in London, and the not so celebrated, notorious rather than legendary – ‘Four Floors of Whores’ as it’s affectionately known by the expats. I’ve been to hundreds of super-clubs around the world but not so many super-strip-joints so it had to be done!
Modesty and an English reserve cause me to spare you the details, but the size of this sleazy and very seedy ‘attraction’ right in the middle of the most authoritarian and unpermissive city on the planet (where homosexuality is illegal and being caught in a car with someone else possessing class B’s equals a year in the slammer) was plain weird.
Zouk was the opposite – Wednesday was a very busy student night and they were playing Bananarama and Rick Astley whilst advertising future performances from some of the trendiest DJ’s on the planet. Culture shock!
3RD MARCH / SINGAPORE
Hungover.
Went to see some of the sights and sounds and it poured with rain.
Checked in and hid extra record bag under my coat. I’m not looking forward to the 8 hours to Sydney and then straight onto the 4hour flight to Auckland. I started to read my book as I know that they’re going to be showing the same programmes that I saw on the last flight.
4TH MARCH / AUCKLAND
Got some sort of weird food poisoning/ indigestion/ stomach cramps that made me feel sick the whole journey. Very happy to arrive in New Zealand and even the thought of a potential going over by the Nazi-immigration who just love picking on people with record bags, didn’t dampen my spirits.
Meet up with Signum, M.I.K.E. Push and Rank 1 who were on the same flight and head into town to the hotel. It’s raining…
Auckland seems to be rave central tonight; the rain has cleared up and the square in the centre of town has a massive outdoor drum and bass party that we can hear in the hotel. Green Day are also playing a stadium gig (and staying in the hotel according to Signum who apparently got accosted by punk fans after autographs!) and we are kicking off our tour at a venue called St James Complex.
The party is pretty cool, with about 2500 people coming out to play. I check out Grandmaster Flash before I spin in the hard dance arena. Still feeling a bit sick but get into it pretty quickly and the night rocks!
Farley plays after me and makes use of the +/- 16 on the decks and makes us all cry with hoovers on hyper-speed. Attaboy!
5TH MARCH / SYDNEY
A 4-hour flight allows us to sleep as we had to get on the plane direct from the party in Auckland. Everyone is very excited about tonight as it’s the first time we get to see The Prodigy and it’s a 10,000 capacity event at the Olympic Superdome.
I hook up with DJ Hyper, a long-time friend, who is also playing on the tour. He’s very funny and plays me his new breaks artist album – it’s got a cover of Ant Music on it, which features Leeroy ex-Prodigy singing. I like it a lot!
Farley and Hyper and the rest of the DJ’s go to bed before the gig but 4 hours is enough for me so I head in to Sydney where the Gay Mardi Gras parade is in full swing. I meet up with my Aussie Manager and my ex-pat Massive. Drinking begins at about 7pm so its going to be a messy night!
My crew make own way to the Two Tribes party with drunken abandon. We’re delayed and fear that we’ve missed The Prodigy but sound problems mean they are on late – phew! They play loads of classics and the last two trax are Smack My Bitch Up and Outta Space – pure rave madness.
Turns out each artist got their own dressing rooms so we trawl empty rooms for more free drinks once ours run out. Very successful mission.
I play an amazing set mixing up hardstyle (very popular in Oz) and all other types of hard dance. Mixes of Nirvana and Rage Against The Machine tear place apart and we all make the sign of the beast.
Go straight from gig to airport again…
6TH MARCH / PERTH
Another 4 hours sleep on the plane is enough for me although others once again go to sleep at the hotel. SLACKERS! Perth is an all day outdoor festival so I only have three hours after touch down until I’m on the decks anyway.
I meet up with Blinky, my old driver, who has returned to Perth to settle down. We have lunch and then make our way to the rave in Swan River Country Park about 30kms outside of the city. It’s a beautiful part of the world and 30 degrees plus with gorgeous blue skies… only is Australia!
My set is a wicked daytime set mostly consisting of psy-trance as I’m on before Signum. They find a snake out the back of the arena and have to cordon it off until a ranger arrives as it’s pretty poisonous apparently. Radical!
The event is wicked and I get to meet The Prodigy and get their autographs like the rave monkey I am. It’s a sell-out with 8000 up-for-it punters who greet the Prodigy with screams when they come on. The stage is in front of the Swan River and next to a vineyard and farm with planes fly overhead on the approach to Perth airport. Must be a pretty mad sight from up there!
As the party finishes at 11pm we go to an after-party and the inevitable happens – I miss my flight back to Sydney at 10am. Whoops….
7TH MARCH / PERTH
Flight and hotel cost me £250 to rearrange. Mental note to self not to miss any more flights!
8TH MARCH / SYDNEY
Next is a crushing 5-hour flight to Sydney whilst seriously feeling the effects of my four day, four time zones, and four hours of sleep-a-day adventure.
I spend the night recovering at the ultra-hip Establishment Hotel and then move on to stay with mates in Bondi so I can learn to surf!
12TH MARCH / ADELAIDE
I hit Adelaide maxed and relaxed after a week of sun and surf. I have to get to Sydney airport with Farley for 7am, which is a bit of a shock to the system…
It’s breakfast time when we hit our destination so Andy and I hit the Farmer’s Market for a fry-up. Adelaide comes across as a sleepy city in comparison to Sydney and we get into the groove.
The event is another all day party but unlike Perth, the location is kind of like a shopping centre right in the heart of town. The day goes quite quickly but not even the stellar line-up of The Prodigy, Grandmaster Flash, Richie Hawtin, Dave Seaman, Thomas Schumacher, Hyper, Rank 1, Armand Van Heldon, Signum, Farley and Real can tempt out a capacity crowd. Those who do come along make up for it though and we have a good party in our arena. No after party this time so hit the bed, drunk like a skunk by 11pm.
13TH MARCH / MELBOURNE
Thank god for a good nights sleep in Adelaide as Melbourne is one hardcore town!
First off, the event is huge; the Rod Laver and Vodafone arenas (which are where they host the tennis open apparently) are like mini-Wembley stadiums and in between them are a funfair and loads of stalls and diversions. The whole place holds something like 20,000 people and it’s a sell-out.
We arrive at the entrance to the wrong stadium and get lost in the matrix of corridors. It takes 20 minutes to get from one stadium to the next, which is a mission.
Once settled we make the trek back to see The Prodigy perform for the 4th and final time. We climb to the top seats right in the centre of the stadium and it’s awe-inspiring. All 20,000 people are crammed inside one arena and it goes off – Big Time!
I spin two ‘til four in our own EXTREME branded Arena and I play like a Real-man possessed after watching the band. The tune of the tour has to be the Skazi bootleg of Benny Bennasi ‘Satisfaction’; its turbo-charged Israeli psy-trance that simply pounds along. Everyone is signing the vocal and there’s a full-on stage invasion so the rest of my set is played with nutters all over the decks. Wicked!!
I am booked to play at the after-party at the Metro which is a bit low on numbers but I’m in the groove so I have fun playing all the crazy tunes in my record bag that haven’t been aired on tour yet.
Once again, I go straight from the Metro to airport at lunchtime – I pity the person sitting next to me as I must be pretty wiffy by now!
14TH MARCH / SYDNEY
More sun and surf in beautiful Bondi. I can stand up now but after a pretty crazy wipeout the fin cuts my leg and the bruising comes out in lovely shades of blue and black with hints of purple! Nice… My surf partner Dave ‘The Nutter’ Malcolm gets stung by a jellyfish at the same time, and somewhere near Perth someone gets eaten by a 6m Great White. Australia is EXTREME man!!
18TH MARCH / SYDNEY
Home Sydney where I play a three hour B2B set in the ‘Cargo’ room with surf partner and funk guru Dave Malcolm who is Home resident. It’s electro-house which is more techno than disco and massive in Oz right now. The room looks out over Darling Harbour and we smash it up with Tiefschwartz and other German acid house tracks until daybreak.
19TH MARCH / WELLINGTON
I have to go straight from Home to the airport (I should be used to this by now!) after having had a clutch of tequila slammers to celebrate our set.
Fog has apparently shut Wellington Airport down so I have to go to Auckland, fly to a small airport in a place called Palmerston North then drive two hours south to Wellington. I spend most of the trip sleeping off the tequila…
Wellington is the final gig on my tour. I have played for the Matrix Crew three times previously and I am really looking forward to this event as the crowd is one of the best out there – well into the music and just so friendly!
It’s a great gig (just as expected) and the after party is funny as hell with lots of unprintable shenanigans! The fog lifts by mid-morning Sunday so I’m able to get the midday flight back to Sydney. A short but sweet 18hrs in New Zealand!
22nd MARCH / SYDNEY
I’m off home to the UK today. I don’t think I’ve ever been so sad to leave Australia! Finished typing up this diary, said thanks to my friends Dan and Rowena for putting me up at their apartment and now just awaiting the arrival of my trusty Australian Manager to take me to the airport.
It’s been an amazing three weeks and the best tour in three years of coming here!! I have played to 45,000 up-for-it party people in 6 cities, taken 13 planes and travelled for 60 hours around Australia and New Zealand and can’t wait to do it all again. Thanks to everyone involved and I’ll see you Down Under before the end of the year!
