What is it that turns a kitsch reality into urban legend? Whatever textbook qualities are required to create an urban legend, five years of poking a burlesque stick at the underworld of Melbourne must surely accrue some points in favour of the obscure institution known as Honkytonks. Decks buried in the guts of a baby grand piano, a stripper’s pole seductively erected in the middle of the dance floor, a room covered from head to toe in jungle fever, low-lit and wide cubicle toilets that would send a shiver down the spine of any Kate Moss protégé, owners that prefer the affirmatively absurd to the marvellously mundane, green mutant Agwa sludge and a syndicate of musical entities that have foxily furnished the eclectic tastes of Melbourne’s modern day late night music junkies. All of this acid trip tattle has circulated low and high throughout the streets of Melbourne and beyond making ‘Honkytonks’ a buzzword of the new millennium.
Five days shy of blowing down the candles on their fifth birthday cake, Francine Sculli pirouettes through the bong mist to have a powwow with founder and owner of Honkytonks and the man who has given bling artistic credibility, Michael Delaney. “A club that I referred to in my mind was ‘Razor’ where if you mention that word to people who went there they smile and know exactly what you are talking about. It was the most unreal club where you’d hear house and garage alongside rock and stuff like New Order and the crowd was just everybody: artists, poofs, junkies, designers, people in bands, young and old,” enthuses Michael as he back pedals to the embryonic aspirations of the club. “I think we did want a cultural resonance, at least in people’s minds, where you could look back on this period in Melbourne and say “Ah, Honkytonks!” and people would go “Ah!””
Undoubtedly, Honkytonks has closed in on that cultural resonance for there are few clubs left in Melbourne that linger on the tips of tongues like this buzz creation does. “Our aims were high I guess. We wanted it to be the best club of its kind in the world,” he admits candidly and with a guttural laugh. “We wanted to set our own musical agenda that was different from what was on offer elsewhere. We wanted a bar that was so well stocked that you could walk in and order absolutely anything and we wanted the club to be more like a warehouse party with air conditioning than a club – if you know what I mean.” It was this simple desire that led to the conception of Honkytonks some five years ago. “Honkytonks was born when I realised there were great parties and great small clubs, and there were great bars but they were never in the same building. You could go to Centrifugal, for instance, and get a warm glass of champagne in a plastic cup. So I wanted to make a place that was like a blend between the Gin Palace and somewhere like Deep Eleven. I convinced a friend to join up and away we went.”
Honkytonks, however, has gone beyond the norm and exploded the tip of the barometer with its ludicrously surreal playground that has turned kitsch a few whiter shades pale. “I studied art and had been involved in the interior design of a few bars and other venues. To me the interior of a place like this is supposed to be intriguing, nonsensical, and outlandish,” he says waving a finger in the random direction of an inanimate object pegged to the wall. “It never occurred to us to hold back on stupid ideas, and some of the really great stupidest ideas we didn’t go through with only because we ran out of time, space or money. I had always thought that this interior could approximate a drug experience, even if drugs, per se, aren’t your bag.”
If the kooky décor isn’t enough to create a spaced out drug simulacrum and further elaborate on the cult status of Honkytonks, then surely the estranged ingredients that accumulate in the form of weird and wonderful cocktails and vomit coloured shots add a few notches to the belt of insanity. Remember those cinnamon and sugar rimmed glasses of the cocktail ‘Pear Shaped’ that left you licking away like a pussycat? How about the period where the green mutant sludge of ‘Agwa’ swiftly ousted absinthe from the decadent competition to become the new black? What about the home brewed rhubarb that has been incarcerated in the form of the new shebang ‘Morning Glory’? Whatever rococo drink tickles you, Honkytonks has been as innovative in the drink lab as it has been on the dance floor. “Well Francine there are no secrets. We are committed to doing what we do musically, which is great. We also try and have fun with our drinks and sort of have these two levels where the bar industry sees us as a bar and the music community sees us as a club – which is fine!”
However, while we’re swinging our cocktails in hand and straddling the striptease pole the music is emanating through the small plastered walls of the ‘tonks and foremost it is the music and artists that lure us down the windy path of Duckboard Place for the music roster of Honkytonks is like Pandora’s Box. Open it and you’ll be hit in the face with five years worth of eclectic international acts and unflagging local residents and guests. “I don’t think we push any particular musical mind here, but we do try and deliver something that has its own personality and within the context of the club is fresh,” says Michael of Honkytonks musical inclination. “The way one sound dominates nowadays for a period of time until everyone hates it is stupid, so the eclecticism is hopefully a way to combat that and keep it interesting for us, as well as the punters. I have been very fortunate to work with some great people like Sara Giampa, all the resident DJs and earlier with Angela Maison, who have all contributed to the musical fabric of the club.”
No doubt we’ve all, at least once, experienced a seething dance floor at Honkytonks whose playgoers all have their hands clasped around their mouth, head swaying from side to side, screaming for the artist behind the baby grand to never let it end while the artists themselves stand stupefied by the ticker-tape parade with a record in their hand waiting to throw them further into oblivion. It’s a testament to the strong foundations and ambience of the club itself. “We are constantly amazed and proud of the music we have here, but what I like is how bigger DJs enjoy themselves when they play here. It seems to remind them of the past, the fun and the DJing closer to the audience and seeing the faces of their public up close is a big bonus for them.”
In spite of this testament, Honkytonks still often remains the meat of the Melbourne’s black-eye rumour mill. Michael takes it all on board and digresses, “The thing is you can’t please everyone all of the time, and you really can’t worry about what people think. People might complain about our door policy, DJs might bag us because they don’t get booked here and people might really want to see an artist, but they won’t come to Honkytonks because we are wankers and so on,” he says nonchalantly. “Well you know, sorry! All the reasons people might hate us are the same ones people might like us. We are a small club so we try and look after the grinners and turn the sinners into gurners!” The same black-eye rumour mill has also predicted the future of Honkytonks. “People have said we are going to close, we’re in rehab, had lost our licence or we’re in a mental hospital since the day we opened. Beyond that, I have no comment.”
Comment or no comment, Honkytonks won’t abort their mission to continue to fill the years end calendar with crossfire of palatial headliners nor will they deny the hoi polloi a chance to help them head butt the fifth birthday celebrations with an equally urban and kitsch savoire-faire. “Well it’s a 12-hour Halloween rave event so décor and theme wise I guess you can fill in the blanks. We are having all of our resident DJs playing back to back all night. There are so many what nots that I cannot describe them (and they are surprises). We have a superb Halloween BBQ prepared by our in-house BBQ maestro, the Jazzy Chef (a.k.a. Chef Mills) and more,” Michael bubbles. “My outfit is still in planning, but it may be a zombie raver. Beware, if you do turn up out of costume and still want to get in, we have a face painting clown on hand to make you into a clown!” Balmy!
Join Honkytonks for a ghoulish night of celebrations and help them do some blowing as they sacrifice five candles in the name of a birthday. Honkytonks 5th Birthday rave will take place on Sunday 30th October 2005. Enter the world of Honkytonks any time it suits you to check the monthly exploits.
