A techno nerd reviews DJ Pauly D

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Over the Australia Day long weekend, Jersey Shore star DJ Pauly D – he of the 9.1 million Facebook fans (that’s more than double Armin van Buuren – boom!) – set off on his mission to educate Australia in the true, expansive art of DJing. Or something. Sure, this wasn’t a tour for the purists, but it would be churlish to deny the dude has an audience.

As one such fan asked on his Facebook page ahead of the 16+ Sydney show: “What the heck is the dress code? Is it like festival clothes?” Here at inthemix, that wasn’t the only question we were pondering. What would DJ Pauly D play? Would his journey be comparable to Sasha’s five-hour marathon happening on the same night in Sydney?

In order to get some answers, we went to Andrew Wowk: inthemix contributor, chinstroker-approved DJ around town and dance music nerd with “uncompromisingly high standards, an unnecessarily obtuse vocabulary, and at times overly deep and wanky analysis” (his words). The perfect reviewer then, for DJ Pauly D In Concert (Andrew agreed, but had to back up that night for the farewell set from Sydney techno authority Defined By Rhythm, a gig itinerary for Saturday shared by exactly no one else in the city). Of course, this isn’t the definitive review. But it may be the most unapologetically wanky one.


Herein lies a recount of my experience at Pauly D’s ‘DJ set’ (naturally, I use that the term DJ set loosely).

7:45pm – A sense of dread comes over me. I agreed to attend and review this event as a joke, but I fear I may have bitten off more than even I can chew. I remark to my faithful companion that my previous trip to this particular venue was to see Nine Inch Nails. She laughs and retorts “Man, this place has fallen a long way.” I fear she is right.

8:13pm – I enter the venue and am immediately confronted by a sea of pre- and just-pubescent boys and girls. The girls are a strange shade of orange and are wearing clothes that can best be described as ill-fitting, while the boys wear strange flat-brimmed hats that feature slang typically reserved for gang youth. I assume this is some kind of uniform for this generation of revellers, who worship the unintelligible gibberish of Pauly D and his ilk and require clear demarcations so that they may not accidentally find themselves in the company of valuable members of society.

8:35pm – One of the support DJs and his MC play a terrible electro-house remix of the ghetto-tech anthem Face Down, Ass Up (That’s The Way We Like To Fuck). The young crowd chant along. There is something seriously wrong here.

8:53pm – The MC introduces ‘Big Jerry’. I can only assume he is one of Pauly’s entourage who basks in his reflected glory. The crowd cheers like Ben Sims has just pulled off an amazing three-deck mix as Jerry just stands there. The DJ (apparently his name is Steve Play) drops Avicii’s Levels mashed with Gotye’s Somebody I Used To Know. This is the second time Levels has been played tonight.

9:03pm – A new act comes on stage. They are a DJ duo accompanied by an MC and vocalist. They open with Levels. The vocalist sings poorly over the top.

9:05pm – The DJs play a medley of songs that feature the word “jump” (e.g., House of Pain’s Jump Around, Jump by Kriss Kross etc.). The MC and his partner order the crowd to do as the songs say. The crowd predictably do so, presumably still used to unquestioningly following orders from their parents and school teachers.

9:15pm – The vocalist starts an “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie” chant, presumably aware that today is Australia Day. Sadly, she chooses to do it during the breakdown of Swedish House Mafia’s Don’t You Worry Child and messes up her timing, only getting out two “Aussie, Aussie” refrains before an overly compressed kick drum and car alarm synth slam through the sound system, clearly distorted by the DJs’ redlining.

9:30pm – Pauly D saunters on stage. My faithful companion notes his headphones and laptop are encrusted with sequins that form an Italian flag. As a reality star who’s segued his career onto the decks, it’s no surprise that Pauly has critics who question both his talent and motive. Rather than prove them wrong by immediately getting down to business, Pauly begins his set by dropping catch-phrases from Jersey Shore.

9:35pm – Pauly gets on the microphone to remind us he is “in the mix”. A bold statement, given what he’s doing can less be described as “mixing” and more as fading between barely-beatmatched tracks for two bars. He then commands his followers, in some kind of grunt-led dialect, to “put your hands up!” They oblige.

9:37pm – Pauly attempts to scratch for the first (of many) times. Someplace, somewhere, DJ Shadow shudders and doesn’t know why.

9:38pm – Pauly drops a track that the support DJs just before him finished with. I do not profess to know its name, my knowledge of commercial ‘EDM’ admittedly (and proudly) limited. His status as some kind of idol for the frontally lobotomised is confirmed: the crowd explodes.

9:45pm – As the set carries on, Pauly raises what looks like a deformed limb (possibly an arm) and thrusts it upwards into the sky. He calls this a “fist pump” and demands the crowd perform it with him (they, of course, do). Its purpose is lost on me, but if I had to speculate, I would say it is some kind of movement designed to appeal to those who were not born with the ability to dance with their hips and legs.

9:53pm – I start to wonder if Pauly didn’t make a deal with some kind of demonic force, but is himself said demonic force. The high-pitched synths, badly auto-tuned pop vocals and disgustingly overdriven basslines are slowly starting to turn into an unending stream of sensory input that makes the space behind my eyes ache with every beat. Is this his secret? Does he wear you down until there is but a shell of a human being left, putty in his ridiculously tanned hands?

9:59pmLevels. I burst into hysterical laughter. I think I’ve been here too long. My faithful companion requests that I hold her and placate her. I wonder – if this is her reaction but I am laughing, what is happening to me? Will I be orange by tomorrow?

10:05pm – Pauly plays Don’t You Worry Child. The Swedish House Mafia’s platitudes during the breakdown do nothing to ease my worry. With a smile, I realise I’m still me.

10:16pm – Pauly plays a medley of songs about single ladies (Faith Evans, Beyoncé et al), but the sound of their admittedly wonderful voices is mostly drowned out by Pauly’s incessant attempts at scratching and mixing. This is also the beginning of a depressing foray into commercial R&B, featuring the likes of Lil’ Wayne, Chris Brown and Rihanna.

10:24pm – My faithful companion astutely notes that for his entire set Pauly has only been using one turntable, suggesting that perhaps his set has been pre-recorded and the only live aspect of the show are his abysmal scratching and random uninterpretable utterances. I want to believe her, but part of me has to wonder: if your set is pre-recorded, couldn’t you at least have made the mixing sound half-decent?

10:32pm – Commercial R&B gives way to trap. I can only assume this is his attempt to convince naysayers that he is a legitimate DJ and not the product of a reality television show. Sadly, trap is probably not the music to choose if you want to prove you are not just a fad. To my left, a young girl rolls around in a circle. I give up even trying to work out why.

10:38pm – The EDM returns with Gangnam Style and We No Speak Americano and Pauly proudly proclaims he is, quote, “the best in the world”. If there was anything left inside me that could die, I would say that part of me dies inside.

10:47pm – I notice a mass exodus of the crowd. A glimmer of hope washes over me that maybe they’ve suddenly broken free of his spell and realised they want to continue their night somewhere with a different calibre of DJ. However, my faithful companion notes that the majority of the crowd are under 16 and their choice to leave more likely reflects the fact they must return home by their curfew time, less they be denied internet and TV privileges for a week.

10:55pm – Pauly ends his set with Champagne Showers and promptly sprays the remaining crowd members with cheap sparkling wine. He then apologises for getting them “wet”, utilising his brain (barely) for the first time all night to employ cheap innuendo. I decide I can’t do this anymore. Good night!

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READ MORE: THE RISE OF PAULY D

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Comments

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Jshster

Jshster said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Deadset, One of the funniest reviews I've ever read. You can just imagine the carnage amongst anyone with a semblance of an idea about EDM!

Kiron

Kiron said on the 30th Jan, 2013

One of the best reviews on ITM I have seen in a long time.

Kiron

Kiron said on the 30th Jan, 2013

This reminds me, there was a review years back about some MoS gig in Canberra that was so condensending it was fucking outrageously hilarious. The only part I remember of it was some DJ crawling into the boot of a limo to be put to sleep and the promise of a stop off at sutton forest macdonalds.

nrjize

nrjize said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Great article. Have been looking forward to this coming out!

aaron_camz

aaron_camz said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Best review I've read in years. Kudos.

nrjize

nrjize said on the 30th Jan, 2013

@Kiron - you're talking about the Kid Kenobi and MC Sureshock review
http://randombeatz.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=print&thread=5

stubs

stubs said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Ha! Awesome review.

Kiron

Kiron said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Ah yes, that's the one, still cack up reading it today. BASSLINE!

wheelo007

wheelo007 said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Could this be the birth of a crossover-series of "Fish out of water" reviews? Chin strokers at marquee, EDM teeny-ravers at tech house nights, Retired djs and fans at one-day festivals.
I smell an idea forming. Either that or I'm about to have a stroke.

special ed

special ed said on the 30th Jan, 2013

wowk, you've excelled yourself. fucking brilliant.

becy

becy said on the 30th Jan, 2013

hahaha awesome work luv

xyzorb

xyzorb said on the 30th Jan, 2013

I forgot that under 18 events are about profound musical choice and technical mixing, i mean who could ever think 16 year olds want some fun, not-so-serious music they can dance to.

jimmenyC

jimmenyC said on the 30th Jan, 2013

So given the choice now between re-attending, would you rather have a colonoscopy?

drater

drater said on the 30th Jan, 2013

That was beautiful.

walkdogz

walkdogz said on the 30th Jan, 2013

love it, this must reach Pauly D.

Lukekay

Lukekay said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Best review i've ever read in my life! cringed at the 'im the best' though...

DirtyKnees

DirtyKnees said on the 30th Jan, 2013

After being dragged there to 'chaperone' my friends litter(er) friends I've never been so happy to waste 4 hours in the smoking area bitching about a shitty set.

Nat01

Nat01 said on the 30th Jan, 2013

This is the first time I have ever commented on something on the internet besides friends on facebook, but thought I will say my 2 cents.
Honestly? I only read half and couldn't be bothered reading anymore but from what I read... Yes I agree that most of what is said is true and I do think along the lines of most things that is said in this review, but, it is said in the worst tone ever.
I have come across many people with this same attitude. Talking shit about majority groups and making it very clear that they themselves don't like the 'mainstream' trends. Well the people that do this have become another group and it is starting to become a 'trend' to do this. You are just as bad as everyone you talk about. (and more annoying)

raymo009

raymo009 said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Hang on, wait, don't the guidelines for contributors (in order to 'contribute') outline that you mustn't present any bias in your reviews? Whilst I am inclined to agree with the content of this review, this is pretty ordinary. I wonder how the people at inthemix come to the decision as to what gets published and what does not. Lost a lot of faith in this site over the last 12 months.

raymo009

raymo009 said on the 30th Jan, 2013

So my previous comment was obviously removed by inthemix 'moderators' - but I honestly don't see how this review holds true to the inthemix 'contributors' guidelines. It is very negatively loaded and clearly presents a degree of bias. Whilst I agree with much of what is said in this article, I regret that it loses some credibility in itself. and unfortunately the website.

raymo009

raymo009 said on the 30th Jan, 2013

oops, my bad, it's there again :S

hellbent

hellbent said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Raym009 - If you read Wowk's first paragraph. "I agreed to attend and review this event as a joke"....
It's pretty clear that the ITM team did this as a joke and nothing more.
There's nothing wrong with showing a bit of humor from time to time

CircusMidget

CircusMidget said on the 30th Jan, 2013

what ever happened to the guy that reviewed MC Shuresock in Canberra?

Surgeon

Surgeon said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Wowk, this is fantastic. What an excellent review.

All the people who complain that you are biased are obviously not there for the music.

When I go to hear a DJ, I want to hear music that is mixed well and not a pre-recorded, badly mixed set.

Pauly D seems to be an epic fail in these matters.

Ruthykins

Ruthykins said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Bless you Wowk and your reviewing talents

Cremefresh

Cremefresh said on the 30th Jan, 2013

'unnecessarily obtuse vocabulary'

ahh the sweet ironing

Wowk

Wowk said on the 30th Jan, 2013

@Cremefresh - That was the joke.

batch

batch said on the 30th Jan, 2013

thanks for going through that for us mate! This is my favorite part 'My faithful companion astutely notes that for his entire set Pauly has only been using one turntable, suggesting that perhaps his set has been pre-recorded and the only live aspect of the show are his abysmal scratching and random uninterpretable utterances. ' hahahahaha true insight to what happened right there!:-)

Morphee

Morphee said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Wowk you have an amazing way with words, and I got all mad respect for you, we go way back, but I still think you took the piss a little here and should have given him a real chance.

After all, he didnt get kicked off the decks in Vegas like all these other wanabe superstar DJs, right ;)

silverspoon

silverspoon said on the 30th Jan, 2013

kudos must go to the author.

mpm25

mpm25 said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Easily the funniest article I have read

daveyjaye

daveyjaye said on the 30th Jan, 2013

This is the first time I have ever commented on something on the internet besides friends on facebook, but thought I will say my 2 cents.
Honestly? I only read half and couldn't be bothered reading anymore but from what I read... Yes I agree that most of what is said is true and I do think along the lines of most things that is said in this review, but, it is said in the worst tone ever.
I have come across many people with this same attitude. Talking shit about majority groups and making it very clear that they themselves don't like the 'mainstream' trends. Well the people that do this have become another group and it is starting to become a 'trend' to do this. You are just as bad as everyone you talk about. (and more annoying)



its a fkn piss take. get over it.

these would've been the options.

a) noone reviews it

b) someone does it and tries to give a genuine review and be all politically correct n shit (which would've been really lame

c) someone takes the time to really think of how they could make this an amusing experience for him and for all of us to read. done by someone who knows how to write, has a pantload of credibility around these parts, and knows how to present it in a way that isn't overly critical and harsh.


I thought the tone was perfect.

he could've been really aggressive and nasty instead he was comical.

it genuinely felt like i was there Andrew, and for that, I hate you ;)

Dood Zentripz

Dood Zentripz said on the 30th Jan, 2013

HAAAHhaahaahhaha never even heard him and that is exactly what I had expected.. !!! Keep representin' for the USA for us .. DOUCHEBAG !!!!

yaytima

yaytima said on the 30th Jan, 2013

First time on itm in yonks. Worth it ;)

SlicyDicer

SlicyDicer said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Best thing I have ever read.

katiecunningham

katiecunningham said on the 30th Jan, 2013

The love this review is getting is making me very happy. A++++, Wowk!

funkdvoid10

funkdvoid10 said on the 30th Jan, 2013

fucking hilarious mate, shared

dirtyepic

dirtyepic said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Cried reading this - such was the power of your words, Wowk. Truly, this was a journalistic masterpiece. Someone get this blessed creature a gig at the New Yorker or something.

ZGR33K

ZGR33K said on the 30th Jan, 2013

I will come out of itm posting retirement to say, fucking hilarious wowk haha!

jacktherussell

jacktherussell said on the 30th Jan, 2013

My hat goes off to this guy for staying there that long.

godlovesugly

godlovesugly said on the 30th Jan, 2013

this was just...yes. god i hate pauly d, more than I have ever hated anything.

djkidroyale

djkidroyale said on the 30th Jan, 2013

I think everyone needs to stop hating on Pauly D. He is an amazing DJ with tons of skill and talent! I don't see you guys playing for crowds like he does! I DJ and I drop his tracks especially "Night of My Life" all the time. Grow up and learn about music. You guys are all dumb and need to catch up on music. This is the new era of EDM music.

djkidroyale

djkidroyale said on the 30th Jan, 2013

I think everyone needs to stop hating on Pauly D. He is an amazing DJ with tons of skill and talent! I don't see you guys playing for crowds like he does! I DJ and I drop his tracks especially "Night of My Life" all the time. Grow up and learn about music. You guys are all dumb and need to catch up on music. This is the new era of EDM music.

djnekkid

djnekkid said on the 30th Jan, 2013

pretty sad. HOWEVER, just to point out, you can spin with 1 turntable in serato.. i dont fully understand it, but ive seen several people do it.. i think its more conducive to "open format" DJs and those that try to scratch.

iamdusted

iamdusted said on the 30th Jan, 2013

You went to a Pauly D gig and you are commenting on the fact that it was full of kids and he played commercial music ? Are you stupid ? He's a reality TV star on MTV, did you expect him to play 13 minute long Blue Amazon intros ?

One of the poorest, most anal pieces of ' journalism ' I have ever read. You sound like a jealous, angry little chinstroker and I am sure that you weren't missed when you left the establishment.

The only thing funnier than your nose-in-the-air, haughty ' review ' of the night is the fact that you seem to know every track he played.

My advice to you would be to avoid places where people go to enjoy themselves without the aid of a notepad and pen, as they seem to abhor you so. Rather stick to rubbing your thighs at the bootleg copy of Sasha @ The Afterparty in your basement.

Weapon.

iamdusted

iamdusted said on the 30th Jan, 2013

You went to a Pauly D gig and you are commenting on the fact that it was full of kids and he played commercial music ? Are you stupid ? He's a reality TV star on MTV, did you expect him to play 13 minute long Blue Amazon intros ?

One of the poorest, most anal pieces of ' journalism ' I have ever read. You sound like a jealous, angry little chinstroker and I am sure that you weren't missed when you left the establishment.

The only thing funnier than your nose-in-the-air, haughty ' review ' of the night is the fact that you seem to know every track he played.

My advice to you would be to avoid places where people go to enjoy themselves without the aid of a notepad and pen, as they seem to abhor you so. Rather stick to rubbing your thighs at the bootleg copy of Sasha @ The Afterparty in your basement.

Weapon.

BoPMonkey

BoPMonkey said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Excellent post, and I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in thinking "DJ" Pauly D SUCKS!!! Ahhh, the Jersey Shore generation... MORONS!

ChessiaTrick

ChessiaTrick said on the 30th Jan, 2013

As a Hardcore/Gabber/J-core DJ, I will admit, I have dropped the Skrillex version of Levels before in a mix for the fun of it. Now that I have read this article, I regret it with every fiber in my being...

silverspoon

silverspoon said on the 30th Jan, 2013

The double post defenses of Pauly D make this even funnier.

iamdusted

iamdusted said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Defenses ?

It was more in defenses of half decent journalisms, mates.

DEFlowers

DEFlowers said on the 30th Jan, 2013

I read this article at work and got such a case of the giggles. Brilliant observations.

daveyjaye

daveyjaye said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Defenses ?

It was more in defenses of half decent journalisms, mates.

journalism? its a fucking gig review you twat

lawlietskyy

lawlietskyy said on the 30th Jan, 2013

@iamdusted - Closet Pauly D Fan, be gone from these woods

gonefishin

gonefishin said on the 30th Jan, 2013

very funny review. cant believe there are people (genuine Pauly d fans) insulted by a witty piss take of commercial garbage. pretty sure at some gigs he spits champagne on the punters lol they deserve it

wheelo007

wheelo007 said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Thank Shiva for those few willing to defend Pauly-D and, more importantly, hold up the limbo-stick of journalistic integrity. I'm FAIRLY confident this was never intended to be a review for the arts section in the Telegraph. It's a kitsch piece, you morons.

Moar funny reviews plz?

mliro

mliro said on the 30th Jan, 2013

missed out on levels

Wowk

Wowk said on the 30th Jan, 2013

@iamdusted I'm not sure how many times I need to say it, given how many times everyone else has said it and how clearly it is outlined in the introduction: THIS WAS A JOKE PIECE.

DANCINGDI

DANCINGDI said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Hahahaha!!! So very very well done. But so so scary Hahaha !!

jarrardscott

jarrardscott said on the 30th Jan, 2013

lol @ the comments from people sour about the review. You just dont "get it" do you.

Wowk

Wowk said on the 30th Jan, 2013

@djnekkid - Yeah I have heard that too. That's why I gave him the benefit of the doubt and said that I wasn't sure he was playing a pre-recorded set, just that the thought popped into my mind.

jarrardscott

jarrardscott said on the 30th Jan, 2013

You went to a Pauly D gig and you are commenting on the fact that it was full of kids and he played commercial music ? Are you stupid ? He's a reality TV star on MTV, did you expect him to play 13 minute long Blue Amazon intros ?

One of the poorest, most anal pieces of ' journalism ' I have ever read. You sound like a jealous, angry little chinstroker and I am sure that you weren't missed when you left the establishment.

The only thing funnier than your nose-in-the-air, haughty ' review ' of the night is the fact that you seem to know every track he played.

My advice to you would be to avoid places where people go to enjoy themselves without the aid of a notepad and pen, as they seem to abhor you so. Rather stick to rubbing your thighs at the bootleg copy of Sasha @ The Afterparty in your basement.

Weapon.
lol you fkn idiot

inthemix asked him to do the review because they knew it would be like this. DERP

lawlietskyy

lawlietskyy said on the 30th Jan, 2013

@Wowk - If i were wearing a hat, i would take it off to you good sir.

Rocca

Rocca said on the 30th Jan, 2013

meh...you made fun of a "celebrity"..go you

Wowk

Wowk said on the 30th Jan, 2013

@Rocca - sometimes it's fun to have a laugh and try something outside of your usual scope. Typically my writing is about "underground" (I hate that word) dance music and giving props to what deserves it. This was just a fun piece to write because of how not like my usual writing style it was.

jarrardscott

jarrardscott said on the 30th Jan, 2013

aw yeah, made it to feature article lol

jimmenyC

jimmenyC said on the 30th Jan, 2013

No Rocca, he made fun of another one of those *yawn* celebrities posing as a DJ and destroying a culture. A lot worse could have been said.
In fact, this guy is an all-round embarrasment, as an actor, he doesn't even cut the mustard - just another example of the cult of celebrity that plagues the world, where talent and skill is no longer a requirement.

baseade

baseade said on the 30th Jan, 2013



No - this is the commercial and very amercian-esque interpretation of EDM - with this jackass and Paris Hilton djing and trying to make coin off it. He wouldnt be a DJ pulling in a crowd if it wasnt for his status on Jersey Shore. Fact.

Grow up and learn about music? Wow i dont even know where to start with this one. When you say grow up and learn about music, playing to a crowd of teeny boppers and screaming IM THE BEST - this is grown up for you?

Awesome review, very entertaining, i felt like i was there cringing with you!

Lion757

Lion757 said on the 30th Jan, 2013

LOL you owned him hard!!!! Way to put him in his place!!! .......... or is it more like..... this reviewer is some wanna be artist wasting his time writing blog pieces about his frustration with a dude most people could care less about and whom most people wouldn't waste the energy "owning" on some blog...Cool bro way 2 own him... You came out on top.. pauly d may be brain dead but this article is whining

azlin

azlin said on the 30th Jan, 2013

Needs more Levels IMO.

Wowk

Wowk said on the 31st Jan, 2013

@Lion757:

1. ITM is hardly "some blog". It's a large-scale dance music website.

2. I'm happy with where I am as a DJ and the respect I have earned in my time. I have no interest in being Pauly D.

3. It was a joke piece. See that big introduction that basically outlines how this was done for a laugh? It's not just there for show.

Nathan Explosion

Nathan Explosion said on the 31st Jan, 2013

I caught his gig at Platinum on the Gold Coast and it was nothing like that.
I was actually impressed, may have been different due to it being the only 18 show of the tour..

ravelikespastic

ravelikespastic said on the 31st Jan, 2013

Excellent review, I sat comfortably and read the entire thing.

jarrardscott

jarrardscott said on the 31st Jan, 2013

fucking LOL @ the people not getting the whole fact its a joke. soooo dumb. even people saying they went and enjoyed it LOL!!!!!! DERP DERP DERPY DERP. fucking MORONS!

gonefishin

gonefishin said on the 31st Jan, 2013

where did all the brainwashed sheep come from? like others have said theses "celebrity djs" bastardise music to make a quick buck therefore ile be fucked if I cant have a laugh at their expense. take the whining to some celebrity worship site if you dont agree

lawlietskyy

lawlietskyy said on the 31st Jan, 2013

Im sorry, if you actually enjoy anything relating to Pauly D (Jersey Shore, DJ'ing) Then you are an absolute moron & i hope you get abducted by terrorists.

dheyburn

dheyburn said on the 31st Jan, 2013

I am really torn. I cannot decide if I actually laughed more reading the beautifully succinct and wonderfully ironic review - or from reading the posts. I think I will have to go with the article - without which such comments that were amusing, amazingly opinionated, outrageous, haters, haters of haters (I may have even noted one hater of haters who hate), discraceful displays of lack of self respect and blind sheep spouting rhetoric and mindless drivel. I won't even spend time on the self righteous or those who profess to be purveyors of jounalistic integrity - other than WTF? Cheers Wowk for this experience - if I ever get the chance I'll buy you a drink.

Psyentist

Psyentist said on the 31st Jan, 2013

A word of caution: You'll never get anywhere in this world by being honest Andrew.

slatts69

slatts69 said on the 31st Jan, 2013

haha even Sasha is tweeting about this

https://twitter.com/sashaofficial

jarrardscott

jarrardscott said on the 31st Jan, 2013

lol sasha, nick warren and funk dvoid have spread this to all their followers. best!

JayDee_GC

JayDee_GC said on the 31st Jan, 2013

this is probably the best thing I've ever read on ITM :-)

Gruso

Gruso said on the 31st Jan, 2013

haha even Sasha is tweeting about this

https://twitter.com/sashaofficial
Ha. Great work Wowky.

mliro

mliro said on the 31st Jan, 2013

this is the most viewed most commented article ITM has had for some time....expect more jersey shore related articles people

special ed

special ed said on the 31st Jan, 2013

dear haters,
If you cant tell the difference between serious journalism and a 'pisstake', you dont deserve to have an opinion.

honestly, if anyone believes that a 'pauly d dj concert' should be taken seriously in the first place, then they're just as sad as he is.
the guy is famous for being a douchebag on a reality tv show. thats it. he does not deserve to have his dj gig critiqued seriously by anyone.
he is not a dj. my 11 year old kid can do what he does. he plays bad music badly. whether that means he should or should not be 'popular' is not for me to say. he has fans, no question.

If kids want to go and experience that, by all means, thats their prerogative. no ones denying them of that.(they may grow up never understanding what good 'edm' is, but thats their bad luck). If someone wants to write a review of what he and his "djing" really is, a joke, then that's their prerogative too. serious or otherwise

andosound

andosound said on the 31st Jan, 2013

So if this was a joke, does that mean Pauly D was actually really good?

neme

neme said on the 31st Jan, 2013

awesome review, his track sounds original : ) wonder who they payed to make it

dragonsfire

dragonsfire said on the 31st Jan, 2013

my cats breath smells like cat food:wooo:

TranceUnited

TranceUnited said on the 31st Jan, 2013

ROFLLL. Andrew Wowk. you are a piece of work. I am obsessed with you right now. hahahahahaa

BMoney

BMoney said on the 31st Jan, 2013

Probably the best review I've read here... biggups Wowk!!

drum_1103

drum_1103 said on the 31st Jan, 2013

One of the best reviews ever... A few "DJs" would deserve the same treatment tho

Onijin

Onijin said on the 31st Jan, 2013

Can only hope celebrities DJing dies out as a quick fad.

theb4ssm4n

theb4ssm4n said on the 31st Jan, 2013

I never really saw dance trance or EDM as a genre of intelligence, even though I do enjoy this music, but Pauly D seems to prove that you can make anything stupid if your are stupid enough

mikestrip

mikestrip said on the 31st Jan, 2013

Love this article! His playlist may have worked at a drug infused sorority party on Staten Island, but not here!

SANDSHREW

SANDSHREW said on the 31st Jan, 2013

TANNING BEDS, TAP OUT AND TRIBAL TATTOOS

CandiP

CandiP said on the 1st Feb, 2013

Wow, I am astounded you managed 2.5 hours there, amongst %u201Da sea of pre- and just-pubescent boys and girls%u201D, subjecting yourself to not just the torture of screaming (and obviously uneducated) kids but to someone who is just as dim-witted as said kids and has more Carotenaemia on his skin than in his diet and would not even be worth the single deck he played on.

Kudos to you for sticking it out so long.

Excellent review btw.
xx

deepbeetzz

deepbeetzz said on the 1st Feb, 2013

Suicide Hooks comes to mind for some of the replies. Seriously.

djpractice

djpractice said on the 1st Feb, 2013

Whether it was a joke or not, I'm sure you could've found something more meaningful to do with your time, Mr Wowk ;)

maso_majik

maso_majik said on the 1st Feb, 2013

lol at the steve play reference... pauly d- go home!

somebodyelse

somebodyelse said on the 1st Feb, 2013

Amazing stuff...it is so sadly amazing how people used to argue turntables vs. cdj's -
now its Steve aoki cake in the face vs. champagne spit all over you by Pauly D-bag...
Ahh the glorious options of "EDM"....
I'm going back to the basement...

DANCINGDI

DANCINGDI said on the 1st Feb, 2013

Saw a comment on another forum saying you just had to tell it like it was in order to be funny. :lol:

Thorzn

Thorzn said on the 1st Feb, 2013

I was close to flatlining more then once, while reading this!

Great review!

jcotteri

jcotteri said on the 1st Feb, 2013

i love you so much right now.. this is all this guy deserves..

karlsav

karlsav said on the 2nd Feb, 2013

I just can't believe wowky went to this instead of Sasha - oh wait.. I forgot this was a kiddie gig and they all had a curfew.

DJKayne

DJKayne said on the 2nd Feb, 2013

...Celebrity "Instant DJs" like Pauly D, Paris, Lindsay Lohan, and others are taking up way too much space in the DJ world, and usurping jobs/gigs from legitimate DJs with skills/talent. It seems everyone is a DJ now. Pathetic.

Rocky808

Rocky808 said on the 2nd Feb, 2013

Did you say he was trying to beatmatch? Pretty sure he only mixes on Traktor. Quite possible he has never used CDJ's or TT's before in his life.

SANDSHREW

SANDSHREW said on the 2nd Feb, 2013

JERKING OFF WON'T BRING HER BACK

noahdavis

noahdavis said on the 3rd Feb, 2013

Hehe great post. I thought this guy was already lame after watching a few episodes of Jersey Shore, this just confirms it:)

beats

beats said on the 3rd Feb, 2013

"Hey everyone, this guy's a phoney!"

Regarding people who gain wealth and fame via means completely devoid of any identifiable skill, do they secretly harbour anxiety or shame, or are they entirely deluded by the media apparatus that fabricated them?

Serious question.

sonicc

sonicc said on the 3rd Feb, 2013

9:37pm – Pauly attempts to scratch for the first (of many) times. Someplace, somewhere, DJ Shadow shudders and doesn’t know why.

pomrocks

pomrocks said on the 4th Feb, 2013



But yet you're a Dj?

scottyk82

scottyk82 said on the 4th Feb, 2013

Shit. Now EDM has hipsters.

jessbingham

jessbingham said on the 5th Feb, 2013

that was easily the best review ever.so funny and even more funny are the people not getting it. hopefully you went to sasha after because he started at midnight and the 5 hours he played would of made you forget about that fuckhead(not going to say his shitty name) forever.

Mickstah

Mickstah said on the 5th Feb, 2013

Good stuff, it's almost up there with the infamous Kid Kenobi review!

Juxtpose

Juxtpose said on the 5th Feb, 2013

STOP HATING ON DJ PAULY
nah
just kidding

sonicc

sonicc said on the 5th Feb, 2013



BASSLINE!!

[URL="http://randombeatz.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=print&thread=5"]http://randombeatz.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=print&thread=5

vonnievarko

vonnievarko said on the 5th Feb, 2013

This is so hilarious. The best review i have read in ages! I couldnt stop laughing. Great writing skills.
Good work!

Dr Spooner

Dr Spooner said on the 6th Feb, 2013

Pauly D rox u nerdy hater......go do some algebra

djtrademark

djtrademark said on the 6th Feb, 2013

So many dumb people in the world. Pauly D is a joke and the dumb people eat it up & love it.

JoeMayberry

JoeMayberry said on the 8th Feb, 2013

relevant : http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8MnCvTwu0n8

superawesomeparty

superawesomeparty said on the 8th Feb, 2013

I think it's totally okay to play the same track 4 times in a night

sebastian_wild

sebastian_wild said on the 8th Feb, 2013

Haha. This is hilarious.

As a promoter of under-age events in New Zealand for in excess of 6 years - I can 100% say that there is no need to compromise musical quality at most of these events. Three times a year I'd fill one of the biggest venues in Christchurch to the brim with teens, playing nothing but quality house, techno & trance - minimal commercial bullshit. Under 18s have nowhere to go most nights as it is, which should actually give the promoter and DJ's more opportunity to play less crap.

Now please excuse me while I go play Levels on repeat :hooray:

minhbo

minhbo said on the 8th Feb, 2013

What do you think? Post your comment...

Funk Rider X

Funk Rider X said on the 8th Feb, 2013

Gotta laugh at kidroyal jealous lol, why the fuck would i be jealous of paul d or why would anyone else with "proper" DJ talent be jealous of this no talent mark? I could do what pauly d does tomorrow if i wanted to. All i would have to do, is go on some shit excuse of a show like the jeresy shore, make a complete and utter prick of myself and make millions, became famous overnight and just play the most commercial and shittest music there is out there to clueless muppets who know fuck all about thier music. But i wont. Because i will never sell out, disrespect my credability as a DJ. Never. God sorry i feel sorry for you kid royal. How anyone can support and be a fan of pauly d and back his claims of being the best, desreves a good fucking slap. I am not one to boast about my success and skills as a DJ, but i would be more than happy to come over to the US with a bag of records(decent ones) and DJ both you and pauly d under the table, and show you both how to DJ and mix. Hell, me and my boys from my crew The Underground Musicians can even show you both how to make a decent track to if you fancy it? God, mate what fucking shit is coming out of your mouth? Pauly D best in the world, more like worst in the world. The worst DJ to ever walked the earth. Period.

wowkisacrapdj

wowkisacrapdj said on the 10th Feb, 2013

this review would have been a lot funnier if it was written by someone who knows a thing or 2 about techno not some lame wannabe prog dj whose mixing skills are well below mediocre at best and whose taste in music is as stale as the air inside a basement full of mould, techno nerd lol, wowk you are too funny buddy

broomedog

broomedog said on the 10th Feb, 2013

@iamdusted @djkidroyale
Excuse me for saying this but you are both absolute Gronks. Actually, no excuses, your dead set ronsons.
Please watch this video,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8MnCvTwu0n8

and if your still backing up pauly d then my god, you must have an extra chromosome.

I hate you.

Weinertron

Weinertron said on the 10th Feb, 2013

BASSLINE!!

[URL="http://randombeatz.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=print&thread=5"]http://randombeatz.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=print&thread=5

hahahah BASSLINE

best ever

Wowk

Wowk said on the 11th Feb, 2013

@wowkisacrapdj - Come on man, you can do better than that.

pomrocks

pomrocks said on the 11th Feb, 2013



agreed,

should have used wowkisaterribledj

m_xt

m_xt said on the 11th Feb, 2013

Playing the same track 4 times a night is bad.
It's a shame i've been to plenty of 'underground' events where the same thing has happened. Got pretty sick of hearing 'Strange Neighbours' at one stage.

ArmySniperDan

ArmySniperDan said on the 16th Feb, 2013

this douchebag is an insult to EDM, just like no talented hacks such as David Guetta, Skrillex, Justin Bieber and so on

ArmySniperDan

ArmySniperDan said on the 15th Mar, 2013



nope I state the truth cause these asshats have destroyed the music I love

wowkisacrapdj

wowkisacrapdj said on the 7th Apr, 2013

@ wowk, how cute, you and bleeding gums murphy like my post. actually you are right i can do better than that but there's more to life than sitting in front of a computer hitting a refresh button every 20 seconds after i spent 2 weeks writing an essay for a shitty edm site

Mindfull-1

Mindfull-1 said on the 8th Apr, 2013

Playing the same track 4 times a night is bad.
It's a shame i've been to plenty of 'underground' events where the same thing has happened. Got pretty sick of hearing 'Strange Neighbours' at one stage.

:lol:


so true.


That Tale of us remix of who made who used to get played 4 times a night by all the sydney stooges!!!

Wowk

Wowk said on the 11th Apr, 2013

@wowkisacrapdj - "There's more to life..." says the guy who specifically signed up for an account just to post on the site and is probably an alias of another user.

chill_mang

chill_mang said on the 14th May, 2013

"Pauly raises what looks like a deformed limb (possibly an arm) and thrusts it upwards into the sky. He calls this a %u201Cfist pump%u201D and demands the crowd perform it with him (they, of course, do). Its purpose is lost on me, but if I had to speculate, I would say it is some kind of movement designed to appeal to those who were not born with the ability to dance with their hips and legs" LOL made my day

markeee

markeee said on the 13th Feb, 2014

Wow, this is what 16 yr old kids listen to these days? Things sure have gone down hill.

Shame shame shame.

Thanks Wowk

`m00

Weqster

Weqster said on the 17th Feb, 2014

what came first, the chinstroker or the talentless dj?

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