ilovejesus
14-May-01, 02:25pm
That's right children. The War on Drugs has been a resounding success, thanks to Prime Minister Howard's innovative and educational pamphlets, and now we're moving right along to the next challenge!
The War on Wank- uh sorry, I mean Masturbation - has been raging in America for years. We invite our Australian brothers and sisters to join in the battle to defeat this degrading and demoralising enemy to the very fabric of our society!
Some tits - I mean, tips for our Brothers Down Under:
How to stop the current epidemic of Self-Abuse in America? We need the same tactics and the same kind of get-tough attitude that has been so successful in the War On Drugs!
Control of Paraphernalia: Drug abuse has been slashed by the outlawing of drug accessories such as syringes and marijuana pipes. If we are to get tough on Masturbation, we must eliminate Masturbatory paraphernalia. This means outlawing such things as:
1. "Personal Vibrators" and other Masturbatory devices such as dildos and blow-up dolls.
2. ALL indecent art. This includes paintings, sculptures and photographs. We don't need the Victoria's Secret catalog! Simple, modest underwear would sell itself and minimize unGodly temptations.
3. Certain food. If we outlaw dildos and require that all sausages, cucumbers and carrots be sold pre-sliced, we will make it much easier for the women among us to resist the temptation to Masturbate.
Intensive urine testing: Science has discovered that men produce sperm cells constantly. All that sperm has to go somewhere! If an unmarried man doesn't masturbate, all the sperm cells he produces end up in his urine. It would be very simple to require unmarried men to submit frequent urine samples, which could then be examined under a microscope. If an unmarried man has a low concentration of sperm cells in his urine, it means he has been having orgasms one way or another! Therefore he is guilty of either Masturbation or Fornication and should be imprisoned! Random urine testing in the War On Drugs has been a very powerful weapon! We should not hesitate to harness it for use in the War On Masturbation!
Zero Tolerance! Zero Tolerance has been a rallying cry in the War On Drugs, and is a policy that should be enacted immediately in the War On Masturbation! Any amount of Masturbation is too much! Any person caught touching his or her genitals without a solid, medically-approved reason should be imprisoned in a boot camp. We will teach our children that God did not give us genitals for entertainment.
Property Seizure: Many police departments will seize the cars and homes of people who are caught with drugs. Americans For Purity has called for the homes and cars of people who are caught Masturbating to be taken away without due process and auctioned off, with the money going to anti-Masturbation law enforcement.
Join us now, brothers and sisters! Your salvation depends on it! Do you want to burn forever in the Great Lake of Fire? Are you willing to give up eternal bliss for a brief moment of earthly pleasure? NO! I say again, NO!
Onward Christian Soldiers!
Click here to be saved!!!!!!! http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/Senate/2680/
The War on Wank- uh sorry, I mean Masturbation - has been raging in America for years. We invite our Australian brothers and sisters to join in the battle to defeat this degrading and demoralising enemy to the very fabric of our society!
Some tits - I mean, tips for our Brothers Down Under:
How to stop the current epidemic of Self-Abuse in America? We need the same tactics and the same kind of get-tough attitude that has been so successful in the War On Drugs!
Control of Paraphernalia: Drug abuse has been slashed by the outlawing of drug accessories such as syringes and marijuana pipes. If we are to get tough on Masturbation, we must eliminate Masturbatory paraphernalia. This means outlawing such things as:
1. "Personal Vibrators" and other Masturbatory devices such as dildos and blow-up dolls.
2. ALL indecent art. This includes paintings, sculptures and photographs. We don't need the Victoria's Secret catalog! Simple, modest underwear would sell itself and minimize unGodly temptations.
3. Certain food. If we outlaw dildos and require that all sausages, cucumbers and carrots be sold pre-sliced, we will make it much easier for the women among us to resist the temptation to Masturbate.
Intensive urine testing: Science has discovered that men produce sperm cells constantly. All that sperm has to go somewhere! If an unmarried man doesn't masturbate, all the sperm cells he produces end up in his urine. It would be very simple to require unmarried men to submit frequent urine samples, which could then be examined under a microscope. If an unmarried man has a low concentration of sperm cells in his urine, it means he has been having orgasms one way or another! Therefore he is guilty of either Masturbation or Fornication and should be imprisoned! Random urine testing in the War On Drugs has been a very powerful weapon! We should not hesitate to harness it for use in the War On Masturbation!
Zero Tolerance! Zero Tolerance has been a rallying cry in the War On Drugs, and is a policy that should be enacted immediately in the War On Masturbation! Any amount of Masturbation is too much! Any person caught touching his or her genitals without a solid, medically-approved reason should be imprisoned in a boot camp. We will teach our children that God did not give us genitals for entertainment.
Property Seizure: Many police departments will seize the cars and homes of people who are caught with drugs. Americans For Purity has called for the homes and cars of people who are caught Masturbating to be taken away without due process and auctioned off, with the money going to anti-Masturbation law enforcement.
Join us now, brothers and sisters! Your salvation depends on it! Do you want to burn forever in the Great Lake of Fire? Are you willing to give up eternal bliss for a brief moment of earthly pleasure? NO! I say again, NO!
Onward Christian Soldiers!
Click here to be saved!!!!!!! http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/Senate/2680/