View Full Version : What's the Worst Smell You've Ever Smelled? MAKE IT EVOCATIVE.
I was just popping into the kitchen to shove some stew on just now. I grabbed four onions, four carrots, some casserole steak and four potatoes. I have a funny mind in that everytime I do things certain things happen. For example everytime I go get potatoes out of the cupboard I ALWAYS remember the DREADFUL POTATO INCIDENT.
This occurred one day when I was moving out of home and we had to clean out the pantry. I start removing about ten weeks of old food and potatoes (why did we keep buying them? i'll never know). I became aware of a smell. It was quite literally the worst smell i have EVER smelt. Rotten potatoes. It was pungent, it was rancid, it was unutterably foul. The worst thing is it had a sickeningly sweet undertone that really was the last straw, the last nauseating gasp. I honestly don't think I can explain it to someone who hasn't smelt it, but to give you an idea of its power I'll just say this: I once read a phrase in a book - "During the famines, the Irish suffered so badly from starvation they were forced to eat rotten potatoes... " and I literally had to go to the toilet and throw up, and that was four years later.
What's the worst thing you've ever smelled? Don't just name it. Why don't you give us an interesting story to go with it.. set the scene...
I worked at Meadow Lea many years back as a contract labourer. Upon walking into the place I was lead straight past a 15 metre tall silo full of oil being prepped in some way. I nearly gagged, it was the most vial thing I've ever smelt.
I did a six hour shift shovelling salt into bags and the smell still did not leave my nose.
The smell of my dog's fart when he was sick with diarreah (sp?)
It was a pungent mofo, first with a waft of WTF is that. It resembled the smell of a garbage tin baking in hot sunshine with chicken fat congealing. Then, once that passed, it was more of a stench that filtrated through the nose. It was the smell of rotten PAL dogfood combined with odours of poop and off cheese.
foulest thing ever.
gamblor
24-Oct-05, 05:55pm
oh god, thinking about it still makes me gag...
After a big night, hungover as hell i felt a pang for bacon and eggs, usually i would make a bacon and egg muffin burger sort of thing (yes i spose like a mcmuffin but with proper bacon and eggs that dont taste all rubbery, oh and proper cheese) but we were out of muffins and bread on that fateful morning so i decided to make scrambled eggs and bacon.
Still feeling very fragile from the night before i cracked the egg into a bowl, feeling greedy and hoping a huge plate of greasy food would make me feel better i decided to crack the next egg out of the fridge. the second egg didnt crack as well as the first and i got some of the egg on my hands, it must have taken a few seconds to register a foul smell, then another second for the severity of the smell to set in. It was rank, it was the smell of something rotten and decaying with an underlying egg fart smell i cant even describe the extent of the smell and my fragile state must have amplified it to hell! i spent the whole morning throwing up and trying to get the smell off my hands.
i always wonder who in my house would have had that same experience if i only had made my standard egg mcmuffin using only the first egg in my fridge.
one_tjc
24-Oct-05, 05:55pm
a sewer in indonesia - the most pungent disgusting smell ever, unforgettable
:( the bad thing was that I had just deeply inhaled at that moment. You know when you breathe something deeply enough that you taste it?
yeah.
:(
yes smells are particulate.
Some good smells here, I'm liking the descriptions. keep em coming.
Offbeat
24-Oct-05, 06:03pm
Having worked previously at a Woolworths fruit and veg dept, I am all too accustomed to the rotten potato smell described above. I must say that I would have a hard time choosing between the smell of rotten potatoes and rotten watermelon (!)
The melons arrive in these 10 or so ton containers, jam packed with juicy ripe watermelons.
As you can imagine the weight being witheld by the bottom melons is substancial.
It takes several weeks to empty the melons from the container and as you draw to the bottom of the pile, an inhuman sickly sweet nostril burning aroma can be inhaled from the one, two or possibly three melons on the bottom that have cracked open from the pressure, and have been left (unrefridgerated) for several weeks to rot.
Often times these melons will be full of flies as we all know how flies love a good stench, and can be found feasting on the liquified inards of rotting melon.
On another note whilst doing the same job, you'd be amazed at the contents of banana boxes, not just bananas (rotting or otherwise) but also rats, huge arse spiders and frogs can be commonly found in such boxes also.
Be warned Fruit shoppers Choose your produce wisely!!
I once heard that you get a lot of long black hairs with mushrooms boxes.
miss_wright
24-Oct-05, 06:23pm
One of my ex's flatmate's didn't pay the electricity bill & it got cut off. When they moved there was still chicken wings in the freezer 1 week without being cooled. Nothing has made me want to vomit like that!
A friends "bucket" rotting from a ten month straight usage. Then left alone in a dank dusty cupboard for 5 years.
5 year old resin.. will make you wanna throw up.
We were on holoidays down near Ulladulla about 6 weeks after Christmas. Since Christmas the family car had taken on a noticable odour
We eventually found the culprit hiding behing the back seat arm rest. It was 6 week old pate.
The smell radiated through the car causing more than one person to gag. The whole back seat had to be carpet cleaned & the car was traded-in soon after.
libstar
24-Oct-05, 06:55pm
About 12 years ago my Dad had a serious accident in which his arm was crushed - they managed to save his arm but there was a nasty open wound. After the fourth or fifth operation (in a public hospital) he contracted 'golden staph'.
This infection is similar to Gangrene in that it emits a foul stench from the body akin to nothing else. It eats the flesh and creates some mad oozing juice to go with the smell. :-*:-*
There was a while there when I would go to school and the smell would be in your nose all day. It was only when I got home when I realised I had been breathing a diluted version of that stench.
Rotting, green and yellow, oozing unholy STINK!
A friend of mine once spilled iced coffee on the back seat of his car, and left it there for 2 days in 35- 40 degree heat. When he returned, the milk had congealed and become one with the car seat. The stench was thick, permeating the car so completely it never recovered. The smell of it was more of a sensation, something that reverberated up the nasal passage triggering the gag reflex. Rotting coffee flavoured milk :-* Even with the air conditioning on full with all windows open failed to dislodge the demon scent.
special ed
24-Oct-05, 07:07pm
when i was a kid a stray cat had crawled under our house and died. no one knew for about 2 weeks, then the smell became over powering. the rspca came and got it out. it was so decompossed it literally crumbled. i vomited for 2 days, cause i couldn't get the smell out of my nose.
VanBuurenisGod
24-Oct-05, 07:10pm
nothing compares to the sewerage treatment plants around Melbourne. I work for one of Melbourne's water retailers, and when i first started, i visited some of these unholy creations, and let me just say the mixture of shit, piss, used tampons, cotton wool buds, blood and anything else people can shove down the toilet is horrendous.
kind of like an after grog bog times 1000!!!!!!!!!!
anthony_child
24-Oct-05, 07:14pm
nothing compares to the sewerage treatment plants around Melbourne. I work for one of Melbourne's water retailers, and when i first started, i bvisited some of these unholy creations, and let me just say the mixture of shit,piss, used tampons, cotton wool buds, blood and anything else people can shove down the toilet is horrendous.
kind of like an after grog bog times 1000!!!!!!!!!!
The AGB is a thing of beauty Tim.
VanBuurenisGod
24-Oct-05, 07:19pm
The AGB is a thing of beauty Tim.
there is only one thing better than an AGB Phil...........................
and thats 2 AGBs!
anthony_child
24-Oct-05, 07:21pm
After goog bog is up there too.
djbobbit
24-Oct-05, 07:22pm
first week of my job in Feb this year (height of summer, it's important), a partner in another division was taking possession of this big old industrial peoperty for his client after the owners defaulted and shipped out. Was just doing a basic inspection, checking fixtures/fittings etc when we came to an old commercial fridge.
Opened said fridge and dy retched. It was obviously used for fish/meat storage and the power had been disconnected for 2 weeks before we got there. Dry retched a couple more times then we left.
you sound like you know your bogs ac. you'd be a handy man to have along.
disgruntledgoat
24-Oct-05, 07:58pm
Friend of mine lives in an area where Possums are a bit of a problem, and as they do, they like to crawl into the roof space etc. Anyway, one bastard got up in the roof space, got himself trapped, and died there. Supposing a few weeks had passed, and he'd decided he wanted to paint his place, and asked if I'd come round to help him out. We pulled out all the furniture, and then sat down for the first beer of the day. But wait, a semi-sour smell lashed our nostrils. Rotting meat. But where from? Anyway, we made the connection soon enough, and I offered to crawl up into the roof space and have a look. Following my nose, I quickly found the culprit. This maggoty, oozing corpse lay in the corner. And the smell. Christ all mighty. A sour, sickening, abominable, repulsive stench filled my nostrils. Gag. Went back to the manhole, got a plastic bag, and decided I'd go clean up a bit. It just got worse. I tried to pull the bastard up, and with the little force I used, it's maggoty, pussy head, went slurp-thwack and dislodged. And the smell only got worse. This monstrous odour penetrated every orrifice of my nose. It had to be done. I quickly scooped us this semi liquid, putrescent carcass into the plastic bag, and that was that. The beer didn't taste as good for that entire day.
jesus. that was a good read!
special ed
24-Oct-05, 08:53pm
i espeshally like the added sound effects
BeatBreaker
24-Oct-05, 08:57pm
the smell of the toilets in the old "Century Tavern" on the corner of George Street just above Hungry Jacks.
Fuck! that was the worst thing EVER, that ive EVER smelt. It was the smell of everything possibly excretable from the male body- (Urine, feces- diarrhea in particular, vomit, cum and blood) that seemed as tho it had been dumped out into a garbage bin dumster that was made to store rotting corpses that had died from leopresy- and had been left out in the sun to get even hotter and stinker and then was sprayed onto these toilet walls that could make the only possilbe bareable way to actually USE the toilets was to rampage in and hold ones breath until you were basically going purple in the face from lack of oxygen and about to pass out- you wouldnt want to take a breath you so desperately needed to continue living because it would be like injecting a shovel of DEATH itself up your nasal passage with a soggy 5 day old amputated diseased puss soaked cock.
so hows that for a description?
thats fucking AWESOME!!!!!!!
VanBuurenisGod
24-Oct-05, 09:07pm
It was the smell of everything possibly excretable from the male body- (Urine, feces- diarrhea in particular, vomit, cum and blood) that seemed as tho it had been dumped out into a garbage bin dumster that was made to store rotting corpses that had died from leopresy- and had been left out in the sun to get even hotter and stinker and then was sprayed onto these toilet walls that could make the only possilbe bareable way to actually USE the toilets was to rampage in and hold ones breath until you were basically going purple in the face from lack of oxygen and about to pass out- you wouldnt want to take a breath you so desperately needed to continue living because it would be like injecting a shovel of DEATH itself up your nasal passage with a soggy 5 day old amputated diseased puss soaked cock.
Longest most well written sentence ever!
One of my ex's flatmate's didn't pay the electricity bill & it got cut off. When they moved there was still chicken wings in the freezer 1 week without being cooled. Nothing has made me want to vomit like that!
that's nothing... we were wondering what was smelling our house... we found the source... my flatmate had had a bbq 2 weeks before hand and had taken chicken breast out of the freezer and put it on top and forgot about it... fridge heat combined with qld spring heat... thank god it was in a plastic bag... smelt like... dying chicken breast
Lambretta
24-Oct-05, 09:15pm
I remember one time I was out clubbing and I needed to fart. Little did I know that chemicals can sometimes effect the way that the acids in your intestinal system break down food.
A small wet fart escaped the confines of my anal passage and slowly worked its way from my boxer shorts, through my three quarters and out into the space around me.
My nostrils wobbled, then twitched and then the smell hit me. A chemical stench that literally stripped the hairs from my nasal passage and caused my whole body to start retching.
A quick look around the room showed me that people were running for the exits and looking around for someone to beat to death for the offending stench.
I have never done a fart, so rancid, so downright disgusting that I have actually tried to vomit, but that was the day that my arse linked itself to my throat via my nose.
UUURrrgghhhhhhhhhhh.
VanBuurenisGod
24-Oct-05, 09:20pm
these are better than great - they are wincredible!
Miss Jax
24-Oct-05, 09:22pm
I washed my kitten's arse last night. He got fed some roo meat at the cattery (we were on holidays for 2 weeks) and that don't sit so well with his underdeveloped tummy.
The sloppy goo he's been shitting for the last 2 days was bad enough then it got worse last night - he's a ragdoll so has a very hairy butt and, yes, there were dangleberries. He sat on the bed and left a wet patch that only smelt when he lifted his bum off, so we stuck him in the bath. Cat poo is bad (think of a wave of heat, soaked in smell that slowly creeps towards you like a wave of destruction akin to something from Independance Day. Washing cat poo is ungodly. Magnify the smell by adding heat and water - even wearing rubber gloves I imagined the smell on my hands for the rest of the night. Gags ahoy!
"I washed my kitten's arse last night."
best sentence i've read all week. :lol:
libstar
24-Oct-05, 09:39pm
^^^ Teheehee, good one Lamb!
Mickstah
24-Oct-05, 10:04pm
so hows that for a description?
That gets a standing ovation.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: This thread is fantastic.
I remember when my friends and I were in Thailand. We were up north in Chiang Mai. We were trekking through the jungle and the only toilets we had access to for the past 3 days had been to squat over a hole in a shed or the beautiful earth on which we stood. One of my friends hadn't actually been to the toilet (number 2's) for 4 days. She was convinced the only thing that was going to help were Jols...those little lollies. She once ate a box and got the runs. As many times as we said "You can buy laxati..." "ONLY JOLS WORK ON ME!".
So there we were, staying with a hill tribe. We had been trekking all day and we finally arrived at our final destination before we took rafts down the river home the next day. As always it was a hot old day in Thailand. Probably about 42 degrees and the toilet didn't have a bit of shade on it. After lunch my friend sheepishly approaches me,
"Liss"
"Yeah"
"I think I'm ready to go"
"Go where?"
"I need to go to the toilet"
"Well cool its over there".
"I know" ....I look at her "Will come with me?"
"Why?"
"Because I haven't been able to go because I get to anxious and if you're with me, I can chat to you and be distracted".
"Ok"
So we went to the shit pit, walked inside and closed the door. There were about 20 or so people who lived at that village permanently. Lets work on the assumption each of them craps once a day. That's a fair bit of shit to sit there cooking at 42 degrees each day. It's like a simmering poo-casserole. The smell...oh the smell....it was well...everywhere. It hung in the air like an evil aromatic cloak. It was so thick there was no break. It consistently occupied each and every piece of air that I wanted to use. It sat on my skin. I was in it's territory now.
I can't be bothered writing this anymore. Basically my friend shat. It joined the evil force of digested-analised food in the air. I gagged for a while and she was eternally grateful for coming and speaking to her. I figure she owes me one. I went for a swim in the river after because I felt like I hot poo fragments all over me. Later I thought about it...swimming in the river really wouldnt have cleaned off anything considering we were swimming downstream from elephants...
Friend of mine lives in an area where Possums are a bit of a problem, and as they do, they like to crawl into the roof space etc. Anyway, one bastard got up in the roof space, got himself trapped, and died there. Supposing a few weeks had passed, and he'd decided he wanted to paint his place, and asked if I'd come round to help him out. We pulled out all the furniture, and then sat down for the first beer of the day. But wait, a semi-sour smell lashed our nostrils. Rotting meat. But where from? Anyway, we made the connection soon enough, and I offered to crawl up into the roof space and have a look. Following my nose, I quickly found the culprit. This maggoty, oozing corpse lay in the corner. And the smell. Christ all mighty. A sour, sickening, abominable, repulsive stench filled my nostrils. Gag. Went back to the manhole, got a plastic bag, and decided I'd go clean up a bit. It just got worse. I tried to pull the bastard up, and with the little force I used, it's maggoty, pussy head, went slurp-thwack and dislodged. And the smell only got worse. This monstrous odour penetrated every orrifice of my nose. It had to be done. I quickly scooped us this semi liquid, putrescent carcass into the plastic bag, and that was that. The beer didn't taste as good for that entire day.:lol: Brilliantly written. Good god, that's disgusting.
I have never done a fart, so rancid, so downright disgusting that I have actually tried to vomit, but that was the day that my arse linked itself to my throat via my nose.
UUURrrgghhhhhhhhhhh.:lol: :lol: My stomach muscles are hurting now.
I washed my kitten's arse last night. ROFL HARRIS. Sincerely.
special ed
24-Oct-05, 10:42pm
:lol: i'm actually loling IRL
B_Slippy
24-Oct-05, 10:50pm
"During the famines, the Irish suffered so badly from starvation they were forced to eat rotten potatoes... "
That's why the Irish cut sick when you mention potatoes :lol:
This guy in one of the mixed touch football teams we play against smells pretty rancid. B.O central.
Also, out of kindness for both teams, he continuously wipes the slippery ball with his dripping shirt. I've gagged so many times.
Also, out of kindness for both teams, he continuously wipes the slippery ball with his dripping shirt. I've gagged so many times.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
special ed
24-Oct-05, 11:10pm
It's like a simmering poo-casserole. The smell...oh the smell....it was well...everywhere. It hung in the air like an evil aromatic cloak. It was so thick there was no break. It consistently occupied each and every piece of air that I wanted to use. It sat on my skin. I was in it's territory now.
..
:lol:
Probably the worst smell is inside the Asian village toilet. Instead of the ceramic flush, ya gotta crunch down and do ya buisness. If ya look down you'll see like a tunnel, a whole new underworld out there. Years of crap, i bet since this village was established...back in the 17th C.
phunkdust
25-Oct-05, 01:18am
"poo casserole" :lol:
perming shit, that stuff's vile.
hahaha these are awesome.
I had to come into this thread because today at work a can of dog food exploded and stunk out the whole store for the entire day and night. It was this overwhelming, thick smell. I mean for the can to explode you know that something wasn't right inside and it wasn't just dog food smell it was so much more. And customers kept saying "there is this rancid smell..blahblah" Its like we have to work in it for 9 hours if we COULD do something we would. We just had to continually spray glen 20 and stuff.
Also had a few interesting ones from my trip o.s On our tour bus they came up with "mouldy ass" to describe the smell that would occur sometimes on the bus. It was when we were somewhere really hot say Rome like 40 degrees and the bus was sitting there at a border crossing or a rest stop where they couldn't run the engine = no air con. 53 people on board = nasty sweaty, stench.
Also there was a time in Romania where several people had a case of Tap Ass (diarrhoea sp?) and they ran to the toilets at the rest stop. They occupied the two toilets and I went into one of the squats and I was gagging from the odours those people were emitting. I mean poor things they couldn't help it but I was holding back the spew. Also some of the squats were a bit eek.. but not as bad as the poo casserole :lol: Thing was some of them had all this water on the ground and when you are wearing thongs :( but 90% of the time it was cleaning chemicals they would just poor over the ground and you had to wade through an inch of it. They don't believe in mopping it lol so its just the thought .. this place is dirty, there are toilets involved.. I am walking through liquid.. ewwww. But on the whole we were lucky didn't have any too icky stories. There was another rank toilet at a rest stop that i had to cover my face while we queued and then when I was in the cubicle it was deplorable. Also our group split into half and a guy that went to Egypt got sick as did most of the people and apparently he was struck down with TA (tap ass) and had to go in the toilet in the bus. Poor thing. It stank out the whole bus and they still had a couple of hourse before they were stopping.
I have a weak stomach and will just get myself so worked up from the sight or smell of something that I will vomit so easily. And I agree becy sometimes you only have to recall the smell and you could start gagging.
rayza_kool
25-Oct-05, 02:45am
the worst smell that has every hit me would have to be the time i was in the Philippines last new years.
my gf, her cousin and i were hitching a trike ride back to my gf's dads place (he travels between countries) when we passed this vacant lot. on the lot was a huge pill of rubbish and the smell from that pile was just rancit :-* it was like human & animal feces, rotting food, decaying flesh and sewerage run-off all mixed into one hurrendous smell.
all of us on the trike started dry retching (except the driver who was used to that smell). i later drove passed that lot in daylight and saw people throwing everything onto that pile. also saw a couple of dead dogs lying around it which would have made the smell even worse. and the thing that really suprised me was that the locals didnt seem to mind the smell. :? i just cant fathom how people could live with the smell always hanging around.
Jude May
25-Oct-05, 06:45am
a person who had been wrotting in the sun for about two weeks:-*
bumpmek
25-Oct-05, 07:43am
It would either be burley, or any type of off rotted seafood....
And the shit people put on their lawns, Blood n Bone, fuckin reeks when you go to the nursery to buy it... i can't stand it!
Chharge
25-Oct-05, 08:50am
I washed my kitten's arse last night.
*wipes tears* god thats funny.
krafty_x
25-Oct-05, 08:56am
I was in emergency after a car accident a few years back and because I'd rolled my car five times I was basically in the top level of emergency with all the worst emergency cases.
I was all hepped up on goofballs at the time (read dosed to the eyeballs on morphine) and there's people kicked the proverbial bucket left right and centre during my 16 hour stay.
At ome point an old geezah's brought into the cublicle next to mine. He had a greyness about him like the colour of the sky on the dreariest of winter days and the entire family began to rock up in dribs and drabs (the nurses are too busy to really keep an eye on separating the cubicles so I concluded from all this that he must have been dying for some time and just reached the end).
A couple of hours pass while the family bids it's farewells then the cubicle is tightly drawn around his bed.
The smell that followed was indescribably putrid. I can only imagine that as the poor old bastard passed away he probably shat himself one last time. The fetid rancid kind of crap that only an already slightly decomposing body could produce.
It lasted some time and I could vaguely make out the nurses next door tipping the bed up to scrape this fetid stench from underneath this poor old mans body and onto the floor so he could be cleaned up and given back his dignity.
I will never forget that smell as long as I live.
Beautiful morning isn't it.
:)
k_x oxo
Oh krafty :|. That's making me wish I hadn't had my weetbix!
I went for a swim in the river after because I felt like I hot poo fragments all over me...
hahaha
I know someone that farted in their sleep, and it was that bad it woke them up and they gagged!
Davomaxi
25-Oct-05, 10:52am
the stuff that you need to put in your hair when someone gets lice - an incredibly pungent chemical odour as if you had taken eggs that had been sitting in the sun for a week going off and then you added vinegar and put them in the microwave for two minutes on high.
Only a few weeks ago, i came home from a big night out .... and was siting in my car with a mate out infront of my house , just g'ing my self up to go inside ... we opened a few beers and smoked a few spliffs , and then because i was retarded i knocked 2 entire beers all over my dash and into my carpet ...
It was munt city that morning, so i went inside and crashed ... didnt clean it up ..
The car sat in the sun for 3 days , blaring hot sun, before i got in one morning to go to work ... I mean iv smelt stale beer and wet bar matts , but this was rank ... it smelt like ass or something ... i was completely unprepared , and hopped in , put the keys in the ignition , nostrils flared , i glanced around the car for a brief moment looking for a dead cat before diving back out on to the road ...
I went back inside and went to bed ... cleaned it up the next day and the car still smells like reheated assholes ...
Dont under estimate the stench of stale beer gone rancid ....
probably not the worst smell iv ever smelt , but up there ...
littlemissnrg
25-Oct-05, 11:16am
2 times for me:
1. I was about thirteen babysitting this child who had done poo poo in his nappy. Normally not very happy to have to change a nappy but given that he'd been really sick for a few days was even less happy. I opened his nappy and it was like being dumped in a sewer vat the smell was awful, raw untreated sewarge. It was so bad I nearly threw up, my eyes were watering and I couldn't ven walk in the room. I feel really bad because I couldn't go in I made his four year old cousin go in and gave him instruction from the door how to get rid of the nappy and made him take it off and put it in a plastic bag and put it outside in the bin.
2. During a general anaesthetic procedure on a mentally handicapped fourteen year old boy. His mouth was so disgusting not only the smell but the amount of gunk all over his mouth. I was dry retching through the whole first half off the procedure as we were working on my side it was awful. The whole theatre stunk of rotted food, bad breath and rotting flesh it was so gross. I don't know if anyone can relate but the smell of someones mouth with periodontal disease is right up there with one of the worst and this guy topped even that by a mile. Then when we were working on my bosses side he was dry retching as well it was that bad. I will never forget that smell even thinking about it makes my stomach turn now.
The_Fox
25-Oct-05, 12:52pm
I washed my kitten's arse last night. He got fed some roo meat at the cattery (we were on holidays for 2 weeks) and that don't sit so well with his underdeveloped tummy.
The sloppy goo he's been shitting for the last 2 days was bad enough then it got worse last night - he's a ragdoll so has a very hairy butt and, yes, there were dangleberries. He sat on the bed and left a wet patch that only smelt when he lifted his bum off, so we stuck him in the bath. Cat poo is bad (think of a wave of heat, soaked in smell that slowly creeps towards you like a wave of destruction akin to something from Independance Day. Washing cat poo is ungodly. Magnify the smell by adding heat and water - even wearing rubber gloves I imagined the smell on my hands for the rest of the night. Gags ahoy!
:lol: reading this made me laugh out loud...:lol:
MidgetFidget
25-Oct-05, 12:57pm
I would say it's a tie between:
1.Public "toilets" in rural China. The infamous "squat holes" picture this, a round hole leading down into some horrendous pit. Usually a rope or chain to hold on to while you squat above the hole. The smell of decomposing poo from years and years of use slowly rotting away.
2.A pet food abboitoir in Dandenong. I once worked at some shitty warehouse during school holidays. Next door was a pet food abbotoir, by lunchtime as the day heated up the smell would start to permeate. The smell was like a mix of shit, piss, rotting flesh and that unmistakeable smell of death. That smell would get in your hair on your clothes. I lasted two days before I quit.
p
Heres one that relates to the potato theme – I worked in a café a while back and the chick who ran it was going away and wanted me to run it for a week. Yep, happy to do it. Now, 2 weekends before she went away we had a busy weekend, so a fair bit of prep was made, some that she “forgot” to tell me about and thus, we didn’t use it. So, she’s away and I find this bucket of something. Its kinda mucous-y looking, has almost a shimmer look to it. And in the bottom of the clear bucket is mank. Don’t know how else to describe it. It sorta looked like something out of Jurrasic Park *shrugs*. Anyway, I pick up said bucket and the smell is released from the membrane on the top of the bucket. It’s a grey/brown liquid with a layer of dirty mank at the bottom. So I take it out the back of the café which is a grassy parking lot. And I think “hey, I’ll just tip it out here, just past the door, close to the tap”. Well, turns out that the mank was rotten potatoes in water and they are liquefied. OMG! Friggen stank like arse and filth and god only knows. Kinda smelt like that filthy thing that dogs get on their arses – blocked anal glads I think its called. So I am trying to run water over this skank and it is splashing up onto my pants and filthifying the air so bad, I dry retch and start to get tears in my eyes and I feel so ill and apparently I was really pale and sweaty after said incident. Because I put it near to the door, the smell kept wafting into the kitchen…OMG. So bad.
And just a quick list of rotten stink that I have had the pleasure of smelling –
-2 week old oysters that were collected and left in a hessian bag that were then “tipped” into bin = similar to raw sewerage
-Chest freezer complete with prawn heads, icecream, mince, chicken that had been pulled out and left to defrost accidentally. Became a mound of garbage soup.
-Blocked anal glands on a dog. F*ck Me.
:-*
When I was younger (about 13) it was my job to do the dishes after dinner every night. I hated them and would forever be looking for something to do to relieve the tediousness of washing the dishes from 6 people.
One night after a very nice dinner of some kind of roast meat, I don’t recall which, and potatoes that had been cooked in the electric frypan, the time came to do the dishes. If there is a pan that has food stuck to it, my mum will sometimes pour some water in it and turn the heat back on and boil the food off for ten minutes.
I decided to follow her procedure and my young mind came up with the idea of adding things into the water and making a kind of ‘stew’.
Well let me tell you, there was nothing in that kitchen that wasn’t added into the steaming pot including, but by no means limited to, table scraps, left over meat, vegetable peelings, milk, egg shells, tea leaves, soft drink, flour, sugar, enough herbs and spices to put Colonel Sanders to shame, bread, custard powder, rice, etc etc.
I put the lid on, turned it onto high and merrily went on doing the dishes for the next hour or so.
The time finally came to check my culinary masterpiece. With a smile of expectation I lifted the lid of the frypan and let the furiously escaping steam wash over my face. Then, eyes closed, I breathed in deeply.
My eyes sprang open in horror and my body reacted instantly and severly. I threw up all over the kitchen floor at the indefinable mephitis that assaulted my senses. I truly cant describe the exact odour that battered me that day. It was a combination of ingredients and chemical reactions that will never be duplicated… and thank god for that.
cmontyc
25-Oct-05, 01:44pm
This is going back about 10 yrs ago, but i worked at hungry jacks. the crew use to play practical jokes on each other all the time. I once put pickle juice in another crew members coke 1 day, he then decided to put a piece of raw meat in my bag. i didnt realise that day that he did that and my next shift was the weekend after. the piece of meat sat in my bag for 7 days.
following week getting a lift to work my sister almost choked in the car. It was like that seinfeld episode we both had our heads out of the car but couldnt find where the smell was coming from, we checked our shoes and still couldnt find it . felt like the smell was following me everywhere that day. when i finished my shift i went back in my sisters car and that smell was still there, kinda like a dead rat, smothered in fish sauce, anyway got home and checked my bag again and couldnt find it, then my mum checked my bag and found this piece of meat wrapped in my pay slip, slimy bastards at hungry jacks.
then my mum preceded to hose that mother fucker down because i wasnt going near that thing.
I am the best
25-Oct-05, 01:55pm
They are all 'provocative' stenches but all < Anthony Sumbati after a week of working out on celebrity overhaul without a bidet
Righty O...
Back in my uni days we used to have a car rally at the college I was staying at. A few weeks before hand people would collect leftovers from the dining hall and store them up to throw at the other teams. In the second year I was there we decided to be well prepared so about 4 months before the car rally we collected up a few things including a bread bag full of footy franks (savs, whatever you want to call them) and locked them away.
The car rally went down well and we threw some smelly shit at a few other teams but at the final stop one of my mates found the savs which had been stuck in a plastic container and forgotten about. Luckily I was in a pub at the time but my mate opened the container and bag to find they had turned into grey mush. He grabbed a handful and threw it at two passing people from another team. I came out to see the two people who had been hit (who happened to be wearing only nappies at the time) on the ground vomitting and my friend who had the stuff on his hand dry retching. I smelt some on the ground when I ran past and it was the worst thing I have ever smelt by a mile. Indescribable.
One of the guys said that the shit was burning his skin and he spent an hour in the shower trying to scrub it off.
Its nice to reminice on the good old days.
darklord_satan
25-Oct-05, 02:30pm
becy
:lol:
These stories are just wonderful! I'm laughing out loud at them all! Excellent contributions!
becy
:lol:
I've been waiting for one of these.
onemore4me
25-Oct-05, 02:45pm
A few years ago my dad caught a lizard at work he put it in the glove box of his car and took it home to show my younger sister. After he had shown her he put it back in the glove box so he could later return it to it's home.
When he later opened the glove box the lizard had completely vanished, my dad assumed that somehow it had just escaped. He searched the entire car in hope to find it but gave up in the end.
A few days later he got in his car and turned on the air conditioning as it was an extremely hot day and to his suprise bits of chopped up lizard came spraying out of the air conditioning vent. The lizard must have somehow crawled its way in their. Anyway the car smelt terrible for weeks. We tried cleaning the car, installing air fresheners but nothing could get rid of this stench. In the end we got rid of the car.
:lol:
I've been waiting for one of these.
Yes, out of all the descriptions, that was by far the most graphic :lol:
lol the lizard. good christ! I had no idea we'd turn up such gold stories. keep em coming. iv'e got nothing to compare to these!
darklord_satan
25-Oct-05, 02:50pm
becy's milk
daydreamer77
25-Oct-05, 02:54pm
:lol: thread of the year!!
thankgod it's not a scratch and sniff
darklord_satan
25-Oct-05, 02:57pm
then there's 10 week old skanky manginas to deal with
krafty_x
25-Oct-05, 02:58pm
B allbreaking
E ffervescent
C ataclysmic
Y east
:lol:
I bet if you came back as a fetid stench that's the one you'd like to be babe.
:)
k_x oxo
bornslippy1984
25-Oct-05, 03:02pm
In Vietnam.
We were in the North, but away from the coast, and had been driving on some seriously badly maintained roads all day. The divots and potholes were so fucking big that they could have actually been braille for God. After about 3 hours of this, you tend to get pretty sick, or at least feel like someone has been spanking your ass with a steel paddle for the better part of a week. The unforgiving nature of my wooden seat had ensured that my arse resembled a ripe purple plum by the end of the day... but that's another story.
Back to the main bit: we had rounded yet another bump-filled peak, when our driver, whose grasp of the English language extended mainly to greetings, the names of various fast food chains and some excellent movie quotations ("Ruke, I am your father!" he screeched over the noise of the engine, his eyes returning to the road only once a large truck had nearly killed us all) - decided that we should take a break. He pulled over to the side of the road, into the dirt 'carpark' of what, unsurprisingly, turned out to be a gathering of people (seemlingly his relatives) attempting to sell us terrible 'souveniers' they had crafted from a mixture of natural materials and garbage from the roadside. How I longed for a machete. Clear the way!
Anyway, after refusing thweir advances with several poliite but firm "Please fuck off"s, I ambled into the bushes to relieve myself. I came across a horrible, horrible sight. Our driver had seemed to be immune to the bumpy ride, but it appeared that he was actually just a very, very good actor.
He squatted not two feet away from me, his pants around his ankles, and let fly with the most revolting avalanche of shit that I could ever have imagined. You could literally identify different food groups. Having turned around and fled towards the safety of the car (and my new friends who were still convinced that I needed a model of a tank made out of coke cans), I sat, unrelieved, in the carpark, wondering what else could go wrong.
After a long while, our driver returned, and announced that he was ready to continue. I was given the dubious honour of riding in the front seat with him, and it was only when he pulled out that I noticed a peculiar smell. It was a mixture of shit and piss and raw sewage that could only have been brewed in the kitchen of satan himself. Still feeling a bit ill, I looked around, and in horror, realised that our driver had obviously targeted himself with some "freindly fire", with about 1/4 of his lunch and breakfast now residing on the back of his legs.
The stench was indescribable. I have never felt more abandoned by god than those hellish 30 minutes. Our driver consistently refused my requests to pull over, saying that the highway we were now on (thankfully less bumpy) was a no-stopping zine, that the shoulder was too small, that we jad to make up for the time we had lost earlier... this continued until it seemed the driver smelled it, and decided to pull over.
Thankfully, when we got back into the car, our trusty driver had seemingly washed the solid chunks from his pants and shoes, but the smell remained. Finally, after another 2 hour drive, we arrived back at our hotel. I went straight upstairs, locked myself in my room, turned out the light and cried myself to sleep.
I think I can safely say that most soldiers from 'Nam have less mental scarring that what I endured. Every time I go to sleep, the smell of that brown waterfall of excrement sears my nasal hairs and plays with my gag reflex.
The horror, the horror...
darklord_satan
25-Oct-05, 03:05pm
i think you needn't have said anything beyond your first line 'in vietnam'.
seduction
25-Oct-05, 03:05pm
My ex was in the army and had been out on course for a few weeks and I had to get something out of his car that had been sitting in the sun for this time.....
I opened the car door to the worst smell I have ever smelt it was soo bad that I projectile spewed all over the ground..:-*
He had left a container in there with milk in it ohh the smell was sooooooo bad!!!:~(
bornslippy1984
25-Oct-05, 03:10pm
i think you needn't have said anything beyond your first line 'in vietnam'.
True, but I had to make it evocative.
I swear, I just vomited a little bit just typing that all out.
omg :lol: bornslippy i'm totally pissing myself laughing.
bornslippy1984
25-Oct-05, 03:24pm
omg :lol: bornslippy i'm totally pissing myself laughing.
If you are, make sure you aim away from your pants.
CanBeDone
25-Oct-05, 03:34pm
I don't know how many of you out there in ITM land, has had experiences on the farm "out back styling". Anyways there are things that go on out there, other then the obvious inbreeds and sheep banging.
Every Year thousands of Sheep have new lambs " nothing to do with the banging, all to do with that meat we all love to eat". But sadly not all these babies or sheep make it past their first few days, weeks or months.
IF you are a nice clean and health concuss farmer. You would realize that rotting lambs/sheep lying around is not the best for the health of your live stock. So you clean up.
Now to the point of my story. There are a few ways to get ride of this decaying meat. You can burn it "roast lamb style". You can feed it to pigs "very questionable"? Or you can put in down the "Offal Pit".
Never again in my life do I think I'll ever smell something as vile as this The Offal Pit". There has been nothing that has come close to this smell! As you lift of the heavy concert lid in mid spring heat. Not only will you gag at the first whiff of it. But it is strong enough to leave you with the night mare of forever falling into the decaying mass.
I wish this upon no one....
adrian morton
25-Oct-05, 04:01pm
Ummm this one is quite easy :thumb:
Last week I was sitting on a train heading into the city.
We stopped at paramatta and this tiny little indian dude comes sprinting down the stairs as fast as he could so he wouldn't miss the train.
Anyways what does he do? He gets on and sits down next to me :(
He must have just had Indian for dinner because he was coughing,panting and burping from all the running and the smell of the tandourie or poo jab curry what ever the hell you want to call it was DISGUSTING like totally overwhelming.
I had to put up with his stench for like half an hour and trust me extra chewing gum does fuck all.
I offered him some and I can tell you it made things worse :-*
ROCK_2_DA_BEAT
25-Oct-05, 04:59pm
My story....
Went to do my banking couple of weeks ago... as soon as the doors opened, my poor nostrills almost stuck together... The first thing that came in to my head was calling an ambulance, because I thought that somebody definately passed away in that fkn bank...
I proceed with my banking... and walked past the table where people fill out their deposit slipts and so on... An interesting creature was filling out one of those forms.... I don't know how long he spent next to that table.... but there were barely no people in that bank during lunch break....
The story gets worse... All the tellers were busy with people who could barely stand because of that horrible smell... I had to stop and wait... and guess fkn what??? The guy, who from my point of view had a bath full of shit... started moving in my direction....:ninja:
I never thought that one person could poison the smell of the whole bank!! I had to leave the banking for the other day... and miss the lunch...
cmontyc
25-Oct-05, 05:30pm
seriously this is the best thread ever and i would like to thank becy for starting it. never laughed so much from one thread in my life.
peace out ppl
bornslippy1984
25-Oct-05, 05:34pm
In Vietnam.
We were in the North, but away from the coast, and had been driving on some seriously badly maintained roads all day. The divots and potholes were so fucking big that they could have actually been braille for God. After about 3 hours of this, you tend to get pretty sick, or at least feel like someone has been spanking your ass with a steel paddle for the better part of a week. The unforgiving nature of my wooden seat had ensured that my arse resembled a ripe purple plum by the end of the day... but that's another story.
Back to the main bit: we had rounded yet another bump-filled peak, when our driver, whose grasp of the English language extended mainly to greetings, the names of various fast food chains and some excellent movie quotations ("Ruke, I am your father!" he screeched over the noise of the engine, his eyes returning to the road only once a large truck had nearly killed us all) - decided that we should take a break. He pulled over to the side of the road, into the dirt 'carpark' of what, unsurprisingly, turned out to be a gathering of people (seemlingly his relatives) attempting to sell us terrible 'souveniers' they had crafted from a mixture of natural materials and garbage from the roadside. How I longed for a machete. Clear the way!
Anyway, after refusing thweir advances with several poliite but firm "Please fuck off"s, I ambled into the bushes to relieve myself. I came across a horrible, horrible sight. Our driver had seemed to be immune to the bumpy ride, but it appeared that he was actually just a very, very good actor.
He squatted not two feet away from me, his pants around his ankles, and let fly with the most revolting avalanche of shit that I could ever have imagined. You could literally identify different food groups. Having turned around and fled towards the safety of the car (and my new friends who were still convinced that I needed a model of a tank made out of coke cans), I sat, unrelieved, in the carpark, wondering what else could go wrong.
After a long while, our driver returned, and announced that he was ready to continue. I was given the dubious honour of riding in the front seat with him, and it was only when he pulled out that I noticed a peculiar smell. It was a mixture of shit and piss and raw sewage that could only have been brewed in the kitchen of satan himself. Still feeling a bit ill, I looked around, and in horror, realised that our driver had obviously targeted himself with some "freindly fire", with about 1/4 of his lunch and breakfast now residing on the back of his legs.
The stench was indescribable. I have never felt more abandoned by god than those hellish 30 minutes. Our driver consistently refused my requests to pull over, saying that the highway we were now on (thankfully less bumpy) was a no-stopping zine, that the shoulder was too small, that we jad to make up for the time we had lost earlier... this continued until it seemed the driver smelled it, and decided to pull over.
Thankfully, when we got back into the car, our trusty driver had seemingly washed the solid chunks from his pants and shoes, but the smell remained. Finally, after another 2 hour drive, we arrived back at our hotel. I went straight upstairs, locked myself in my room, turned out the light and cried myself to sleep.
I think I can safely say that most soldiers from 'Nam have less mental scarring that what I endured. Every time I go to sleep, the smell of that brown waterfall of excrement sears my nasal hairs and plays with my gag reflex.
The horror, the horror...
A late addition:
Later in the trip, we were in Hanoi, relaxing on the balcony of a small but comfortable restaraunt. I had ordered a soup and a chicken dish and was looking forward to both of them.
The soup came out, and I flinched. It looked exaclty like our driver's expulsion, right down to vegetable content.
I didn't eat for the rest of the night.
i used to work for a couple of funeral parlours a few years ago. my job was to transfer the deceased to the morgue from the hospital/home/retirement village, etc etc that they had passed away in.
death has a certain smell to it. it's not hideously offensive, but it's not exactly nice. a kind of sweet, warm smell. also, when you die, your muscles relax completely before rigor mortis sets in, so cadavers "purge" shortly after death. this is a polite way of saying they totally poo themselves.
anyway - even that is bearable compared to my friend "mister stinky".
this poor fellow had been out for a walk when he suffered from a heart attack and died immediately. he fell into a stream in the park he was walking in, and was not found for another two weeks. suffice to say he was a little "soupy" when found.
i had to transfer the body bag of this poor man's remains from the coroner's to the funeral home - on my own.
i cannot even begin to describe the godawful, clinging, thick STENCH that this man exuded. i used to drive a specially-modified van to do transfers, but unfortunately this meant that there was no real ventilation aside from the two front windows.
i drove back to the morgue with half a jar of vaseline smeared under and in my nostrils, with both windows wide open, and my head literally hanging out of the window. oh - did i meantion that the vans are not refridgerated, and that it was a 30 degree day...?
i will never forget that smell. and that was only one of a couple of not-so-nice transfers... i could tell you about poor "mister diabetic coma" who died and also wasn't discovered for a few weeks, and when my partner and i were called in to transfer him, we discovered he was literally covered in huge, weeping, pus oozing blisters that popped as soon as we tried to move him....
i still can't drive past that house without shuddering....
seriously this is the best thread ever and i would like to thank becy for starting it. never laughed so much from one thread in my life.
peace out ppl
I couldnt agree more. You are entirely welcome even though all i did was give the merest nudge - the true thanks goes out to the contributors. Awesome awesome work.
A late addition:
Later in the trip, we were in Hanoi, relaxing on the balcony of a small but comfortable restaraunt. I had ordered a soup and a chicken dish and was looking forward to both of them.
The soup came out, and I flinched. It looked exaclty like our driver's expulsion, right down to vegetable content.
I didn't eat for the rest of the night.:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: That story was awesome
Can't wait for Vietnam in Feb. I will be sure to pack some laxatives so I can join in the fun.....get down with the locals so to speak!
According to your friend, lissie, perhaps all you need are a fair few jols down your gullet for when the mailtrain gets stuck between stations.
special ed
25-Oct-05, 07:23pm
ok.. i need to make another addition. this however probably doesn't fall in the "whats the worst smell ever" but more along the lines of "whats the worst taste ever, that goes hand in hand with the worst smell ever"...
when my son was all of 3 months or so old, i decided it would be a good idea to the old traditional act of holding said baby in the air and throwing him up in the air and catching again. just a little, like, you know babies love that shit, it bring a smile to their face and makes them giggle. and as a parent the joy of seeing your baby laugh brings a wide open grin to my face. similar to this ----> :-D
that is until upon the 5th or 6th throw in the air your baby vomits right in your face with your mouth wide open.
the panic that sets in cause you have a mouth full of vomit, and you dont want to drop your baby is horrific.
baby vomit tastes and smells like stale milk, left in the sun for a week. in case you wanna try it
According to your friend, lissie, perhaps all you need are a fair few jols down your gullet for when the mailtrain gets stuck between stations.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: OMFG Rebecca....that's my Christmas right there....
:lol: :lol: :lol:
We know how to make christmas come early don't we ;)
so spesh... did you spit or swallow?
Punk in Drublic
25-Oct-05, 07:47pm
:lol: :lol: great thread
Our toilet that got blocked this morning :(
oh the horror
:'(
so spesh... did you spit or swallow?Real show-offs gargle.
I used to live with hippies out in the backblocks of Eltham, as you do. They had an old toilet there and someone had drawn a sign above it saying "If it's yellow let it mellow, if its brown flush it down". Unfortunately no one had given instructions for red.
One day we were outside in the backyard bangin on our drums that some moronic hippy retard made in fucken Nimbin and smoking some dope we grew ourselves (wasn't quite ready for picking but we could never wait), when suddenly we heard a big GLUBGLUBGLUB sound. The sound was kind of like the sound of the word DOLLOP, as in "i thought you'd like an extra dollop" (best ad ever) and the septic tank just kind of exploded upwards in a rush of ages-old tampons and pads.
I can't remember what happened next only that every fucken dirty trollop that lived there was going "i dont flush em i dont flush em i use sea sponge" lying hippies. oh you lying dirty filthy bitches.
It smelled too.
Can you imagine? Like rotting meat. Which it kind of is really.
That just made me feel sick :(
sql_chick
25-Oct-05, 08:00pm
Too many smell stories to mention, I would probably rate my cat's Whiskas casserole fuelled farts as right up there. The way they permeated the air, the nostrils and somehow seemed to get under your skin (literally it seemed) was indescribably rank!
All these stories reminded me of a non smell related story, though it could sort of qualify.
When I was about 6 we went on a beach vacation with another family. I was good friends with their 6 year old daughter and we would wander up and down the beach most days.
One day she found a really interesting rock and it was so special and magical that she refused to share its delights with me and taunted me with her newfound "treasure" all the way back to our cabins.
She proudly presented it to her dad after talking it up some more and keeping it well out of my reach.
Her dad proudly took it from her and as he brought it closer to his face, he let out a shriek and with a lightning fast reaction threw it away, almost hitting us with it.
The special, magical rock had in fact been a very old, dried piece of shit :lol: :lol:
:lol: the special magical rock.
special ed
25-Oct-05, 08:01pm
so spesh... did you spit or swallow?
i vomited back in his face.
was just like spew tennis. :blush:
It was a Tuesday night. I remember it vividly. I had been doing some packing, and feeling quite peckish had taken a walk to china town to pick up some dim sims, and some very oily fried rice.
Upon my return, I covered my food in the msg disguised as sauce, and gobbled it down as if I had been on a three day bender and finally got my appetite back. Following this classy display, I was myself needing more, so I retrieved my "heaven" from the freezer and devoured it with the same passion becy would have if she found a cock that would not fit in her mouth.
I was filling somewhat content, so I sat down at the computer for no reason whatsoever. It is just habit. As I was perusing the general forum, i saw that Becy had posted in the "Evocative Smells" thread she began yesterday.
And then it happened. When she described that smell like rotting meat, I nearly threw up. I could almost smell it. And all of the eccy fart stories in the world had nothing on the images that that foul mouthed fiend managed to evoke.
adrian morton
25-Oct-05, 08:15pm
Here is another stinking story .
One day in newtown I had green thai curry for lunch.
15min later I start to feel my stomach twisting and turning.
Uh Oh somebody's got the runs.
So I sprint to the toilet and let it all out.
Knock Knock another round hits me again and again etc etc...
By this point i've got ass burn from all the wiping and sweat all over my new shirt.I thought to myself right if I get hit again i'm going to grab the plastic take away container the curry was in and drop the next load off in it and take it back to the restaurent and ask him to taste it...I mean shit it looks the same and virtually smells the same as it did when i first bought it how will he possibly know where its been.
BOOM Bang splat into the container the chicken goes...Pack it up take it back down to the shop...call the manager out...hey mate I think this chicken curry might be off ? ? He like no no no I make it fresh today...so I said here you taste then...so he grabs the container opens it has a quick sniff first then scoops out a spoonful and puts it into his mouth...I said to him..It tastes like shit doesn't it? He goes no it taste very good :lol:
:lol: quirks. i'm proud now!
adrian morton you cannot possibly be serious.
have u ever actually tried to shit into a plastic container? Believe me its a lot harder than that. I fear you are telling fibs.
special ed
25-Oct-05, 08:21pm
adrian, that is the biggest load of bullshit i've ever heard. and i don't mean literally
:lol: quirks. i'm proud now!
In retrospect, I am proud of you too schnookums :blush:
NIK-O-LAKI
25-Oct-05, 08:23pm
Back when I was 12 and working at the chemist it was my duty every now and then to get the big bag of expired medicines and 'dispose of them thoughtfully'. So there I sat, never questioning the legalities of the process, popping pills into a crusty bucket for about an hour so. Step 2 involved pouring boiling water into the bucket and stirring frequently. On the first occasion i did this I was in a non-ventilated area. My pubescent thoughts of tits and vaginas suddenly vanished as the fumes entered my sinuses. The smell was very pungent, not as in yoghurt and cheese been out the back of a kebab shop for 3 days nausiatic symptoms, but more this can't be good for me asbestitus is imminent.
I'm pretty sure I stacked my bike twice on the way home.
[EDIT] Adrian you should write childrens fantasy novels with your writing style ... except with different content of course.
They are all 'provocative' stenches but all < Anthony Sumbati after a week of working out on celebrity overhaul without a bidet
hahaha ewww
i still cant believe he cant wipe his own ass
its just plain wrong
sql_chick
25-Oct-05, 08:27pm
2 more additions
1. False teeth that have not been cleaned. It's like a dose of halitosis from death himself, after he has done a huge shit in a dead animal's mouth.
I don't know why I felt the need to bring up gran's dentures up to my nose quite that closely!
2. Teenage dramas! A friend's brother who had a remarkably foul belly button smell. We know this because he loved subjecting people to it by asking them to smell his fingers. Once was definitely more that enough,unless you happen to like umbilical cord fresh blue vein cheese smells :lol:
adrian morton
25-Oct-05, 08:40pm
:lol:
yes you are right I am telling a fib but the thought did cross my mind :blush:
I can't remember what happened next only that every fucken dirty trollop that lived there was going "i dont flush em i dont flush em i use sea sponge".:lol: :lol: :lol:
THE VOLCANO'S GONNA BLOW
OH NOES RED HOT LAVA!
THAT'S NOT LAVA........
Here is another stinking story .
One day in newtown I had green thai curry for lunch.
15min later I start to feel my stomach twisting and turning.
Uh Oh somebody's got the runs.
So I sprint to the toilet and let it all out.
Knock Knock another round hits me again and again etc etc...
By this point i've got ass burn from all the wiping and sweat all over my new shirt.I thought to myself right if I get hit again i'm going to grab the plastic take away container the curry was in and drop the next load off in it and take it back to the restaurent and ask him to taste it...I mean shit it looks the same and virtually smells the same as it did when i first bought it how will he possibly know where its been.
BOOM Bang splat into the container the chicken goes...Pack it up take it back down to the shop...call the manager out...hey mate I think this chicken curry might be off ? ? He like no no no I make it fresh today...so I said here you taste then...so he grabs the container opens it has a quick sniff first then scoops out a spoonful and puts it into his mouth...I said to him..It tastes like shit doesn't it? He goes no it taste very good :lol:Are you SURE you're not 8 years old? :lol: :lol:
adrian morton
25-Oct-05, 09:08pm
http://img469.imageshack.us/img469/5679/anipeter5td.gif ;) Leave your window open for me tonight Lissie.
do'nt do it lissie i think he wants to chuck a cupcake at ya
adrian morton
25-Oct-05, 09:14pm
Ewwwwwww I think i'll head out west tonight.
YUCKY
Awwww don't be like that Adrian....
:lol: :lol: :lol:
No Christmas for me tonight!
Faux Cough
25-Oct-05, 09:16pm
2 more additions
1. False teeth that have not been cleaned. It's like a dose of halitosis from death himself, after he has done a huge shit in a dead animal's mouth.
I don't know why I felt the need to bring up gran's dentures up to my nose quite that closely!
2. Teenage dramas! A friend's brother who had a remarkably foul belly button smell. We know this because he loved subjecting people to it by asking them to smell his fingers. Once was definitely more that enough,unless you happen to like umbilical cord fresh blue vein cheese smells :lol:
Just imagine the combined odour if said relo blew cutsie grandma rasberries on said friends belly!!
adrian morton
25-Oct-05, 09:26pm
Awwww don't be like that Adrian....
:lol: :lol: :lol:
No Christmas for me tonight!
Can you unwrap a lifetime of christmas gifts in one night?
Can you unwrap a lifetime of christmas gifts in one night?
If it involves unwrapping you, then no no I really couldnt. Ever.
But my window is still open...
special ed
25-Oct-05, 09:31pm
:lol: oh good lord! please tell me that photoshopped?!?!? please.
now the crevices in that. THAT would smell! :-D
adrian morton
25-Oct-05, 09:33pm
Hahahaha I'm out of here.
It really does smell in here :lol:
ok.. i need to make another addition. this however probably doesn't fall in the "whats the worst smell ever" but more along the lines of "whats the worst taste ever, that goes hand in hand with the worst smell ever"...
when my son was all of 3 months or so old, i decided it would be a good idea to the old traditional act of holding said baby in the air and throwing him up in the air and catching again. just a little, like, you know babies love that shit, it bring a smile to their face and makes them giggle. and as a parent the joy of seeing your baby laugh brings a wide open grin to my face. similar to this ----> :-D
that is until upon the 5th or 6th throw in the air your baby vomits right in your face with your mouth wide open.
the panic that sets in cause you have a mouth full of vomit, and you dont want to drop your baby is horrific.
baby vomit tastes and smells like stale milk, left in the sun for a week. in case you wanna try it
this reminded me of when i was 18 and my mate was on his death bed and was vomitting a rather lot... there always had to be someone with him to make sure he was always sitting upright when he was awake and in case he threw up in his sleep and choked on it... my dad was on the shift and gave him a glass of water... about 10 seconds later it came back up and got my dad right in the face...
Fattybulgina: When a lady's stomach hangs so much it covers her poon.
That photo up there is your classic case of Fattybulgina.
adrian morton
25-Oct-05, 09:50pm
I've been studying the picture for the last 5mins and I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way she can take it.
Sit lassie sit boy.
sql_chick
25-Oct-05, 09:57pm
I've been studying the picture for the last 5mins and I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way she can take it.
Sit lassie sit boy.
And you could mould the excess fat into a third mutant boob? :lol:
Faux Cough
25-Oct-05, 10:00pm
I've been studying the picture for the last 5mins and I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way she can take it.
Sit lassie sit boy.
You spent that long looking at the picture? You'd go it wouldnya? Garn ya know ya would if ya mates didnt find out!
special ed
25-Oct-05, 10:01pm
I've been studying the picture for the last 5mins .
with which hand?
You spent that long looking at the picture? You'd go it wouldnya? Garn ya know ya would if ya mates didnt find out!
It really redefines "cracking a fat" doesnt it.
with which hand?:lol: :lol: :lol: Class
Sit lassie sit boy.
Lassie was a bitch!
adrian morton
25-Oct-05, 10:07pm
Mutant boobs...Your giving me total recall here.
I've never slept with a 3 boobed woman.
Wow now that's something I could hang up on the wall in my wank den.
Quircks where are you they need dusting my dear.
I reckon Adrian's beanie and bed sheets would smell pretty rank.......
Faux Cough
25-Oct-05, 10:17pm
Mutant boobs...Your giving me total recall here.
I've never slept with a 3 boobed woman.
Wow now that's something I could hang up on the wall in my wank den.
Quircks where are you they need dusting my dear.
Wow, that would make four boobs in total! With your ability to make a right tit of yourself...
adrian morton
25-Oct-05, 10:33pm
Better four than none at all hey fake cough
Now run along noob before your green laser turns pink.
Faux Cough
25-Oct-05, 10:40pm
Better four than none at all hey fake cough
Now run along noob before your green laser turns pink.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Genius :thumb:
adrian morton
25-Oct-05, 10:50pm
Thanks :blush:
silvaside
26-Oct-05, 12:14am
On the bus coming home from uni last year some homeless lady boarded a few stops into the trip to the staion. I was about 2 seats away roughly 2-3 metres from her. Anyway imagine a mixture of sweaty ethnics after a hard days work (yeah right) and shazzaz who have had a hard day taking care of their kids (yeah right) all rolled into one, throw in some yeasty poon (you might wanna get that checked out) and a dash of dick cheese plus some maggot infested year old mullet you forgot to take out of the bait net and you have quite an odour. To make matters worse the air conditioning on the bus was intermittent so the odour would traverse around the bus in cycles so sometimes the air would be ok then a second later you would get bukkaked with this putrid caca air. Soon everyone starting getting off the bus, however I stayed to witness more people getting on and then realising where the source of the smell came from. How did I survive? I sprayed deodorant in my bag and stuck my head in there using it as makeshift breathing apparatus which on the upside gave me a small buzz. That's about as close to chroming I'll ever get.
:lol: Bukkaked with caca air.
10 points for the MacGyver style SCUBA bag.
oh fuck this thread is hilarity...
so so entertaining... so many reasons not to get pets...
went up to cape tribulation with some mates. walked up to the north end of the beach where there's some rocks. Found a coconut, a old, been-at-sea-for-a-while coconut. kicked it towards one mate, who booted it back. as it rolled, being old, manky and having been in the sea for quite some time, it split open, spinning and splashing thick, greenish grey coconut milk out like a catherine wheel. The coconut milk was rancid and fetid. Rancid and fetid are the most powerful words for a smell there are, but they are woefuly inadequete to describe the stench of year old rotting coconut milk. the spinning effect meant most of us got a little splashed. The smell got worse. We started to run away, but our clothes had been splashed. what was worse, after the smell had been released, it disapated, but not weakening in it's rancidity. it simply smelled bad from further and further away. The first mate started to retch, and then vomit. Others followed suit. within 30 seconds of the coconut splitting open, we'd all started throwing up due to the vile stench. i crawled into the water trying to wash off the smell (during stinger season, at a beach where crocs are often seen) I didn't give a shit, anything would have been better than that stink. I can still make one guy gag by simply saying "remember the coconut at cape trib?" I refuse to believe anything here could have been as bad, and I've found six day old dead people.
second worst smell, my housemate's dog shat on the carpet during a cyclone. A very runny, wet shit. Nobody noticed. A couple of hours later, I've noticed. visualy. The shit had congealed, a skin had formed over the top locking in the smell allowing it to ferment. I demanded the owner of the dog be responsible for the cleaning of it, he didn't see it at first, and was a little pissed off about having to do it, so he's stomped into the hallway and kicked the shit, breaking the porridge like layer of congealed shit and letting the gases free, also flicking a small amount of the congealed skin of shit up the hallway wall. To make matters worse, he threw up, the two smells combined brought tears to the eyes. Remeber, there's a cyclone going on outside, opening doors and windows was out of the question. it took a week to get rid of the last remnants of the smell, and there were brown smudges in the cracks of the tounge and groove wooden walls until we moved out and they demolished the place to build a pathology clinic. So there ya go.
krafty_x
26-Oct-05, 08:34am
Becy. Is that Eltham at the North Coast of NSW?
I used to live up the road at Clunes. :)
Anyway.
k_x oxo
silva and n4te i'm loling for real :lol: :lol: the guy that kicked the shit in the temper tanty. hahahahahaha
krafty, it was eltham north of melbourne - well still a suburb really but in the bush part. :)
limbo_bimbo
26-Oct-05, 12:00pm
when i was little i lived in the country and we had this possum that lived in our roof and whenever we ate on the balcony it would come down and eat food that we'd put on the balcony rails, any ways one day we notice that our possum is starting to look a bit mangy, about a week later we notice that our possum has dissapeared and this smell near our front door had appeared...... any ways a week later and we have to leave the house via the back door, the smell is just that strong none of us can stomache it enough to find where this stench was coming from.
i would try to describe the smell but words just can't describe the pong that was coming from our roof. anyways we had a handyman come to fix something that was wrong with the house and while he was there mum got him to get up in the roof to find this smell, he found the half decaying possum and got it out of the roof and after finding out that our bins got emptied the day before and wouldn't be emptied for almost another week. so he takes the possum wraps it in an old sheet and drives it to the tip.
we later found out that he didn't get the smell out of his car for weeks.
arthur_read
26-Oct-05, 02:40pm
this smell :(
http://www.inthemix.com.au/forum/showthread.php?t=139083
here are some random keywords from the story to tempt you into reading it:
Columbian
nightmares
excerement
corprophiliac
Tool Shed
touch
gameboy
26-Oct-05, 07:53pm
in hospital visiting a friend. guy lying next to him had malena (sp?). combination of diahhorea and blood coming out of his ass. well and truely wrong smell
oh i read it jase. i'm not shaking your hand again my friend lol
in hospital visiting a friend. guy lying next to him had malena (sp?). combination of diahhorea and blood coming out of his ass. well and truely wrong smell
How much would you just want to sew your bunghole closed....
adrian morton
26-Oct-05, 08:04pm
http://img452.imageshack.us/img452/3975/hotsink5ei.jpgWash your hands please :thumb:
Man, between the wank den and your phallic taps.......:meh:
adrian morton
26-Oct-05, 08:17pm
Welcome to the pleasure dome ;)
so adrian we're discussing your cock in a thread entitled "whats the worst smell you've ever smelled"
do keep digging, i mean going.
adrian morton
26-Oct-05, 08:22pm
Hahahaha good point...
No good for buisiness...Let's take it to the lifestyle forum... Lol
Hahahaha good point...
No good for buisiness...Let's take it to the lifestyle forum... Lol
The discussion of your manky cock isn't going to look any better over in lifestyle.....
Is your middle name smegma?
Mickstah
26-Oct-05, 10:16pm
This thread is the greatest. Serious lol'ing all round. I'm impressed with everyones writing abilities. Well done. And Adrian Moron... stop attempting to be funny, you're seriously not.
adrian morton
26-Oct-05, 10:26pm
And you are?
What a fucking joke that is.
:thumb:
Mickstah
26-Oct-05, 10:30pm
Wow you really got me there. I guess I should stop posting then for fear of further humilliation.
adrian morton
26-Oct-05, 10:33pm
:boring:
Punk in Drublic
27-Oct-05, 12:08am
:lol: nice
zacmacrackin
27-Oct-05, 04:33am
Wow!! What a fantastic hour of reading!
They realy should put warning lables on some of the cat food tins. Our cat lets out the worst farts. We think he does them when he doesn't want to be picked up.
I got into a taxi a month or so back and the atmosphere was a terrible hybrid of vomit smell and that oder the people have that don't wash themselves when they're in the shower.
I'm usualy fairly resistant to smells but this was just too much!
My brother who was sitting in the back seat for the first 5 minutes of the ride before escaping to his girlfriend's place said this guy had a wiskey bottle or something of that nature shoved down the side of his seat.
To make matters worse this guy was trying to engage me in a conversation about something i couldn't keep up with cause he was answering all his own questions. I'm always happy to chat with these guys cause i know they get treated like crap quite often but this particular occasion i realy didn't want to be opening my mouth too much with this foul gut heaving smell assulting and violating my nostrils.
So i had the window wide open for a while and thought i would be able to survive the trip home as long as i kept my face pointed into the wind but then he casualy closes it and says "Sorry i can't hear myself talking with the window down."
After 20 minutes trapped in this fumigation chamber gone wrong we get to my street. I'm feeling quite sick at this stage with the combination of his insaine driving abilites, or lack there of and this horrid smell. So when we pull up out the front of my house i'm thinking i'm free, but i was wrong. This guy then continues on his one sided conversation with me for a further 40 minutes without taking breath!! No exaguration cause i was watching the clock. I'm sure everyone has had this problem from time to time where it is physicaly impossible to get a word in.
I finaly decide i can't be polite anymore and just jump right in mid sentence and tell him i goto go and made up a bad excuse about having a meeting in the morning.
The guy went all quiet and i felt terrible. But i had to get out. So i stumbled into the house and went straight to the bathroom to gargle.
Duno if that was the worst smell i have ever encounted but definatly up near the top.
Good work everyone, Fantastic forum!
Z
the smell near the airport i have to drive past every morning. swampage, or something like aeroplane waste, im not too sure. Emits a wonderful aroma when hot, and great when you dont have aircon working and need to have the windows down.
re.vol.TING!!$@#$
krafty_x
27-Oct-05, 09:00am
silva and n4te i'm loling for real :lol: :lol: the guy that kicked the shit in the temper tanty. hahahahahaha
krafty, it was eltham north of melbourne - well still a suburb really but in the bush part. :)
Ahhh coool becy. When you mentioned Eltham, Nimbin and dirty lying hippy bitches in one sentence I assumed it would be th North Coast. :)
k_x oxo
brickup
27-Oct-05, 11:02am
I actually have a top three (though not in any particular order, they are bad for different reasons). Its amazing how clearly you can remember smells.
1. Noosa when i was about 12. My little brother would collect shells and pebbles on the beach everyday and bring them back to our apartment. One day he brought back a piece of coral and put it in his little box of shells. The thing about coral is its a living organism so it dies and rots just like any other. Well it died after a few days and the smell is unbelieveable. You would imagine it to smell like rotting fish, but thats a merely a soft undertone, and is preferable to this stench. A plate of rotting fish strapped to my chin would be infinately more pleasurable. The smell of coral though isnt hard hitting. It takes a moment for it to register in your nose, and it builds intensity. It is sickly sweet, yet undeniably heavy. It clung to objects like Paris Hilton clings to greek shipping heirs. Its the kind of smell that makes you want to vomit, but vomiting would cause the smell to spread to your tounge.
The major problem with the smell is we couldnt find what was causing it due to the tiny piece of coral, so we had to live with it the entire week. The worst part was perhaps the 14 hour car ride home, the smell built and built in a car of 5 people and continued a week later when mum finally tracked it down after going mental looking everywhere for what had been a bit over 2 weeks now. Perhaps it wasnt the smell itself but the length of time. No it WAS the smell, the time just didnt help. Coral!
Stay tuned for 2 more exciting smells from mcdonalds and my kitchen!
worst smell i have ever smelled was in korea, at the airport we walked into one of those little glass rooms and the whole room stunk like a mixture of seaweed who knows what else. It was a smell so bad that really we couldnt even pretend not to be all rude about i had to cover my nose and run out the door before i was sick in there and walked out dryreaching. so extremely extremely bad.
bornslippy1984
27-Oct-05, 02:53pm
I just remembered another horrible smell that will haunt me on my death bed.
Back in year 10 , I was... well, let's face it, I was a smartarse with little inclination of doing any real work. As such, I was usually found hanging around with similar characters. One of them was in my science class. In this story, I'll call him Alex, mainly because that was his name.
The scene: Biology class. Biology was my most hated of subjects. This was mainly because of the teacher, who couldn't stand the sight of me. Looking back, I can understand this - shit, I almost sympathise with the poor bastard - but back then, I just thought he was an assclown. The one person he hated more than me was Alex.
Anyway, we were split up into groups of two, and presented with a rat each, and told to carve it up and have a look inside. Now, I don't like this sort of nasty shit, so Alex was given the scalpel and went to work on our little friend. Getting bored, he had started to saw off one of it's legs, when our teacher came over. Seeing what Alex was doing, the teacher gave him the most severe verbal beating I have ever witnessed. He aurally raped him. It was breathtaking. Having finished, the teacher stormed out of the classroom and went to get his detention cards.
Alex, never one to admit defeat, took the opportunity for revenge. Using his scalpel, he cut open the stomache of our rat, then separated it from the body. Immediatly, a pungent mixture of digestive gases and rotting food filled the room. Green, bile-like liquid dripped from the stomache, now being held in Alex's gloved hand. One kid retched and ran from the room, the small was that powerful. Alex walked clamly to the front, bent down and wiped the stomache all over the bottom of our teachers desk. By this stage, kids were trying to get to the nearest window or door, frantically holding their breath, waiting to get fresh air.
Eventually, our teacher came back into the room, and instantly gagged when the smell of death and piss and shit reached his nose. At this stage, one kid lost it and violently vomited onto his desk, adding the pungent aroma of sick to the mixture. At that point, everyone in the classroom ran out, including our teacher.
They cleaned the classroom, but the smell never realy went away. Nobody told our teacher who caused the horrible smell, and to make everything better, the calamity surrounding the incident made the teacher forget about Alex's detention.
Didn't stop him failing the HSC, though.
:lol: oh my god that's brilliant! hahahahahaha I want to meet Alex. He sounds awesome.
bornslippy1984
27-Oct-05, 03:00pm
:lol: oh my god that's brilliant! hahahahahaha I want to meet Alex. He sounds awesome.
It was possibly the funniest thing I ever saw while in a classroom. Also the most horrible. You should have seen the colour of the bile coming out of the disconnected stomach. It was the kind of luminescent green only the slime from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has. Horrible stuff.
Once that kid had vomited, it was just too much. It made the stench of 'Mr I can't Aim Away From The Back of My pants' in Vietnam smell like air freshener.
quick question while the topics hot ..
has anyone EVER had a pleasant suprise when someone has extended two fingers towards your nose and beckoned "Here, smell this" ..
curiosity killed the cat ... why do i still smel it even though i know whats coming ? ..
MidgetFidget
27-Oct-05, 03:28pm
I thought of something else. This one time back when I was a young doe-eyed teen I was walking along the beach with a few friends, we were going to a party somewhere. We found a dead blow fish that had been ripening in the sun for god knows how long, so we decided to play soccer with it.
After a while one of my friends got a little too exited and thought it would be a good idea to jump on it. It popped like a water bomb spraying him in foetid fish guts and slimey goo. He then immediately vomited all over himself and fell over. one of my other friends went over to see if he was ok, and upon smelling the stench vomited too. I didn't vomit, but it's still one of the worst smells i can remember. My mate had to throw his clothes out, he could never get rid of the smell no matter how much he washed them.
p
zacmacrackin
27-Oct-05, 03:37pm
bornslippy1984, the stomach was the one thing everyone was always instructed not to tamper with for this very reason, and of course someone in our hsc practical miss juged their cut and made that one particular exam quite difficult to get through.
Worst thing someone did in our school science class was to take one of the hearts we were cutting up and throw it into the airconditioning vent. That foul smell of rotting miselanious meats and clotting blood never left that classroom!
I think half of us came down with the flu over the next few weeks, I always wonderd if it was something to do with the rotting Sheep's organ in the aricon.
Z
bornslippy1984
27-Oct-05, 03:39pm
bornslippy1984, the stomach was the one thing everyone was always instructed not to tamper with for this very reason
Exactly why Alex chose to cut it open and smear the contents on the desk - he'd been warned not to. Evil fucker.
zacmacrackin
27-Oct-05, 03:44pm
Hahamy biology teacher hated me aswell for no apparent reason. She used to write stuff up on the board for us to copy down into our books and then stand infront of it to tell us something.
Always used to piss me off cause she would demand and aswer to why i wasn't copying it down while standing there blocking the board with her big fat arse.
By the way bornslip, i emailed your vietnam story to a friend of mine last night. Funnyest story i've read in ages! :lol: Laughed myself to sleep last night
Z
Absolutely. I cannot remember when i've laughed so hard as I have for all these stories. :lol:
zacmacrackin
27-Oct-05, 06:25pm
Ok this smell related.
When i was four years old mum was trying to get me onto eating different foods, I'm a realy fussy eater. So she made me this pumpkin dish for dinner.
At the time my brother who was only a baby at the time was realy sick and had Diorea. I was sitting at the kitchen table starting to get into this pumpkin soupy stuff when my mum went and picked up my bro and ran him into the bathroom cause he just let one go.
I was sitting on my own in there in the kitchen when the most foul baby poo smell hit me. Not you normal poo smell but a sick, rotten baby food smell. I turned around to find that his nappy didn't hold it all and a large amount of the contents of his nappy had pooled on the kitchen floor and it had the exact colour and texture as the pumpkin soupy stuff on my plate.
To this day when ever i smell pumpkin or get a taste of it i feel like heaving! Funny how experiences in your childhood can effect your whole life like that.
Z
jootsiejuice
27-Oct-05, 06:29pm
Mum and dad have this cat, Sid. It took us abotu 3 years to realise that the fucker was mostly feral... sure he'd let you pat him if he was hungry, but if you didn't keep your eye on him and look for the signs, you'd surely find the **** lockjawed to your hand with his mouth, and his claws 3 cm deep in your forearm.
I don't kick cats, but at times I sure felt like it.
Anyway, part of this feline's feral fucked up personality was to not eat canned food. No he would much rather the stomach of a rat, or the skin of a baby bird. I once found him chewing on the arm of a possum, ripped from th eshoulder socket of the mammals body which lay bloody and dead but 2 metres away. You can imagine with a diet like this, the cat's innards must bea veritable churning couldron of death, decay and straight up wrongness.
So, one rainy night, Mum n Dad are out to dinner with friends. The cat is asleep in the bathroom as we won't let him in any other room in the house, I'm watching a video in the lounge room with my bro. All is well. Before I go to bed, I though to myself "Better just check on the cat"....
There, in the middle of the bathroom, is a mound, a MOUND, of shit. The whole bathroom smelled of poo, like you'd expect, overpowering, but not sickening. I chase the cat out of the house, grab a plastic bag and head back to the bathroom to deal with it's defecation.
So it's not until my hand isinside the bag, grabbing the mound of crap, that 2 things strike me:
1. The crap is yellow. Bright, almost flouro yellow.
2. It's hard, but not formed, so there's not actual sausages of turd, just a porridge of it, much like a cow would make....
um.... yeah it's hard, on the outside. As I break through the crust, the smell escapes, and fills the house like a poisonous yellow gas. The colour of the poo was green on the inside.... like a greeney, yellow sludge.... but the smell. Imagine the stench of dead animal mixed with shit, set on fire and doused with urine, but 100 times worse, and your halfway there.
I vomited on myself. I fell over. smeared shit on the wall. Vomited again.
My brother comes in to see what's going on, starts laughing till the smell hits his nostrils, vomits as well. We both roll out of the bathroom, lock the door, dry reach for a while, and then just lie there.
Death would've been better. I have to spit now just thinking about it.
Horrible.
MrBadger
27-Oct-05, 07:03pm
Surprised no one has mentioned the girl who took a crap on the terrace at Home nightclub in Sydney? Surely that has to be pretty high up there in the worst smells list...prepare yourself for a night of clubbing with mixing so tight you'll shit yourself :lol: :lol:
Someone I know copped her literally shitty hand wiping itself on the back of his shirt! Yummers!!
:lol: at joots hahaha i can't believe how many combined smell-vomit stories we have!
bout the shitty shirt, yeah wasnt that ummm i cant think of his name on here, but i think i know who you mean.
special ed
27-Oct-05, 07:51pm
jootsie ROFL :lol:
thats a fucking ripper
bennnrock
27-Oct-05, 09:20pm
Oh shit jootsie... I had to walk away from the computer to stop myself laughing, and i still have the giggles :lol::lol::lol:
Beef Jerky
27-Oct-05, 10:03pm
Back in the old country, can't exactly remember which one ...it was a stifling hot day, the sticky kind where the flies become one with your skin and you work yourself up into a sweat infused BO machine simply by looking outside.
The bus was over crowded, air con was not functioning, windows could not be opened and the 1 kilometer per how slowness was too much to bear. I could stop the story right here purely because the combined stench of 45 people on a bus on such a day is pretty close to worst smells, but it gets better.
I am sitting too close to a woman who is on the petite side of elephantine, who is in turn squeezed next to another rather old gentleman. She is obviously feeling the heat as much if not more than the next person because she starts to wave her skirt up and down to circulate some more air.
The old man looks over to her, points to her "special" area and in the deathly, sickly quiet says to her in voice clear enough for most people to hear : "Mam I believe you are supposed to wash that, not air it out!"
:lol: :lol:
brickup
28-Oct-05, 12:04am
2. The macca's freezer "drip trays"
Maccas have 2 chest meat freezers which sit on either side of the grill to hold the cheese burger and quarter pounder patties. As you can imagine you go through quite a bit of meat in a day and the freezers are being constantly opened and shut. This opening and shutting causes the freezers to thaw just a bit and the resulting liquid is caught in a drip tray underneath.
It is not normal procedure to empty these trays as they dont fill particulary fast and I think the managers/staff forget about them. Its the same as a fridge at home ie the trays for consdensation runoff arent cleaned regulary. Anyway I didnt even know they existed until one night after we'd shut I was asked to clean the tray and I would say there was a good 6 month build up of liquid and mince in it.
I wasnt expecting it to be a foul odour so I pulled out the tray and took it to the sink. The water itself was cloudy white with occasional brown chunks kind of like a bleach spill in a stangant creek. Upon the first pour the smell wafted to my nostrils. It was a very odd sensation. As the liquid was quite cold (almost frozen) it started as a cool rush, just like breathing in at the snow. But milliseconds later the smell of 6 month old fermented meat took an uppercut at my nose. I instantly vomited just a little into the tray, which splashed a little on me. I dropped the tray into the sink and the full extent of the smell exploded like the shockwave of a nuclear bomb. The other workers were literally screaming and gagging (scragging??)
The coolness of it was just weird though and I think thats why I vomited a little. Foul odours are usually hot and steamy. Has anyone else noticed that vomiting near a bad smell is the WORST thing you can do. You have no chance but to breathe deeply as soon as the first purge is up. Like having a spew in a public toilet that someone has not flushed a dump in.
bornslippy1984
28-Oct-05, 09:58am
Another terrible smell story that, despite years of trying to repress it, has come back to me. This one again involves vomit, but only vomit. Not a lot of class involved either.
It was back in High School - as I said in my Biology story, I was not the most attentive student. The idea of studying was pretty laughable, as I assumed that I would coast throught the exams, HSC, University, and pretty much every other challenge thrown at me, through the grace of God and my own natural brilliance. Needless to say, God deserted me (draft-dodging ****), and my supposed natural brilliance failed to manifest itself in the form of high marks. However, it did help me out in situations outside of school.
One of these was during my year 11 exams. Despite not studying, or answering too many of the questions in my History exam, I felt confident that I would get a high mark, and was in the mood to celebrate, despite the fact that I had a maths exam the next day. To do so, I organised a few mates and 3 bricks of vodka, and we all trotted off to a local park for a bit of a drink. When I say a bit, I mean all three bottles were demolished within an hour between 4 people. By the time we drained the last one, I had regressed to the mental state of a three year old, giggling at everything said to me and babbling incoherantly at my friends, random strangers, and some inanimate objects. Apparently a telegraph pole was the object of my affection for quite some time.
Anyway, having started so early, and with the maths exam the next day, we decided to finish early, being the good, responsible students that we were. So at about 3am we wwandered off home. I'm not sure how I got back, but I found myself fumbling with the lock on the back door in no time at all. Once in, I stumbled up to my bedroom and poured myself into bed.
That's where the problems started. I'm used to the room spinning a bit when I get into bed drunk, and I've learned to tolerate it. But this - this was insanity. It was like being on a houseboat in the middle of Hurricane Katrina when a tsunami is heading your way. The bed pitched and tossed violently, as if it was having a seizure. I clung on for dear life, wimpering prayers. Suddenly, I sat up, realising that it was the only way to calm the storm.
I did, and the movement stopped - except in my stomach. I knew what that meant. Mr Smirnoff was about to make an encore. "Alright", I thought "I'll just to go the bathroom."
I got out of bed and put my feet on the floor. Mr Smirnoff made a leap for freedom. "Shit, that was close, maybe I'll just use the window."
Another step.
Shit.
Not gonna make it.
This is where that natural brilliance we were talking about earlier came in. Looking around frantically for a new home for my belly of vodka, I suddenylsaw the perfect new home for it. It couldn't be simpler. Shit, I was impressed with myself.
Falling to my knees, I violently spewed into the bottom of my open wardrobe. After several minutes of this, I sat back, satisfied grin on my face, high-fived myself, and closed the door. I got back into bed, and promptly passed out.
This is where it gets interesting.
The next morning, I was running late, having slept throught the alarm, and mum came in to wake me up. Having done this, she left me to compose myself. Fuck, words can't describe that hangover. Death looked pretty attractive.
After a shower, I came back into my room to get dressed. Opening the cupboard door, the rank stench of vomit and booze and what could have once been a kebab hits me full in the saggy, hungover face. I did what you would have. I threw up again.
"Fuck me, did I do that last night?" Clearly, there was noone else to blame.
I get dressed as quickly as possible, then looked for my shoes.
Oh. Holy. Fuck.
There they were, at the bottom of my wardrobe, covered in stomach acid, bile, and vodka.
I did wha I had to do. I took them downstairs, gave them a clean, and put them on, then rushed to my Maths exam.
Once I got there, I still felt like shit, but thought that if I could make it to the end of the exam without throwing up, I was on easy street. 98%, here I come. The examiner signalled us to start, and all was silent.
I was halfway throught the first question when I smelled something. It wafted up my nostrils, the putrid stench of vomit and booze. I gagged, realising that the smell of last night's excess had not come off my shoes with the chunks. I tried to breathe through my mouth. No dice, I could still smell it, and anyway, everytime I opened the damn thing I smelled like a brewry. No choice. Gotta use the nose.
How I got through it I'll never know. The smell was so pervasive that I couldn't concerntrate. Even the kids next to me were looking at me like a wino. It was obvious that i was sick - I was so pasty and white that I was practically translucent, the bags under my eyes could have been used as hammocks - but I was getting sicker by the minute. The smell wouldn't go away, in fact, I was convinced it was intensifying with every passing minute. I could smell the decaying kebab, the vodka mixed so stupidly with fanta, the endless chain of cigarettes that had passed before me as if on a conveyor belt.
In the end, I guessed the entire last section of the exam. I could't take it. Willing my stomach to hold on for just a few more minutes, I half-jogged up the centre of the exam room, unceremoniously dumped my 'completed' paper on the examiner's desk, and ran towards freedom.
I threw up not 3 seconds after leaving. If I had tried to answer one more question, I would have been in trouble. After emptying my stomach again (where does it all come from?), I vowed never to drink again.
I was on the piss again 2 nights later, but that's not the point.
bornslippy1984
28-Oct-05, 11:02am
^^^Oh, and following on from that, I threw the shoes out. No matter how much I tried to get the smell out, nothing masked it. It was the most putrid thing that has ever come out of my body. :-*
:lol:
my god you're a natural genius at these tales.
ps what did you get for maths?
bornslippy1984
28-Oct-05, 11:55am
ps what did you get for maths?
I failed. Badly. When we got the marks read out, the teacher just read my name, raised an eyebrow just a fraction of an inch, and asked me to see him after class.
At first I thought he was coming onto me.
Compared to the mark i got, having sex with him would have been far less painful.
fat_laces
29-Oct-05, 11:50pm
homeless guy on packed train during peak hour.. CRUSHED!
Miss Jax
29-Oct-05, 11:55pm
I washed my kitten's arse last night.
He may *look* cute.....
http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-9/1073345/Falkor@4months.jpg
freqboy
30-Oct-05, 09:56am
1 Shared a house with three mates in my last year of uni. Had a pretty messy party one night and I let everyone shag in one of the other guy's bed. He was away at the time and his bed was fairly well utilised at various stages throughout the evening. He couldn't fail to notice what had gone on and eventually discovered that I was partially responsible. I thought he took it really well until about a month later when I started noticing an increasingly rank odour coming from somewhere in my room. After another week it had become completely unbearable but I couldn't locate the source. It got so bad that I couldn't sleep in my room and the odour permeated the entire house and indeed could be smelt from the road. On the last day of semester I was packing my gear while trying not to breathe through my nose......I discovered the source of the odour while I was standing on a chair getting something off the top of my wardrobe. A Jumbo size Coke cup from the cinema filled with the most indescribable semi-liquid mass (including a couple of maggots). In my haste to get rid of this vile cup of filth I fell off the chair I was standing on and tipped the entire contents all over myself. The cup had contained milk, yoghurt, raw steak, raw chicken and who knows what the fcuk else. It had been there for about three and a half weeks sweltering in the unairconditioned room during a stinking hot Perth November. The smell was like nothing I have ever experienced before....rotten, sweet, fcuking horrendous. It was so vile I instantly projectile vomited. Almost an hour in the shower and I still couldn't get the smell off me. One of my brothers mate's now lives in the house and that room still stinks in summer, 5 years later.
2 Going around to tidy my parent's house after they had been away for 2 months and I had been having crazy parties every weekend. It was the middle of February and had been roasting hot all summer, There was a slight tang in the air all through the house. I tracked this down to the garage downstairs where there my parents, for some inexplicable reason, kept the biggest fucking chest freezer that money could buy.....filled with almost nothing but meat. It is quite possible there was a whole cow and a couple of sheep in there. Not to mention fish, seafood and fuck knows what else. The circuit breaker had gone off quite some before, possibly the day my parents left, and not having spent any time in the garage I remained oblivious. Once again my stomach failed me and I only added to the fetid stench by introducing the garage floor to the 1.5L of Cabernet Merlot and ton of food I had gorged myself on the night before. The smell was so bad I could not even contemplate cleaning out hundreds of kilos of rancid, rotting animal flesh. It had all turned a very sinister shade of green and was floating in a shallow pool of skank. I got a heap of mates to help me lift the whole freezer onto the back of a ute and dump it off in some vacant lot in dodgy industrial area.
God I can dribble some shit...
the worst thing ive ever smelt is dead bat.
It was hanging dead from the power lines out the front of our house for weeks and my brother and his fuckhead friends chucked rocks at it and made it fall to the ground.
not long after my 2 dogs go out and took the bat around the back and tore it apart. mmmm rotten bat flesh :spew:
Seriously it was so bad we only had to open the back door and it went all through the house. my mum had to call the pet groomers to come and bath the dogs right away!
Ralph Wiggum
30-Oct-05, 02:30pm
When I was 15, we were smoking cones at this chicks house, after a few hours of staring at each other in our emo states, we finally moved on to holding hands and having a cheeky pash, after about an hour or so of dry pashing we stripped each other naked and I went down to give her a little munch... within about 10 seconds, this godaweful smell struck me down like a bolt of shit fired lightning, i nearly threw up all over this poor girl, who in turn also nearly puked cos I nearly did... I have no idea what that smell was, (or even if it was really from her, it could have been something on the couch we were on) but it was a cross between old prawns, cheese, smelly socks and 6 week old not washed vag!
Worse thing is, now I have that smell stuck in my nose again and I almost dry reached at the thought.
Astro-Boy
30-Oct-05, 02:50pm
Fuck that was hilarious slippy. Even my mum got a good chuckle out of it. She thinks you should be a writer.
Mickstah
31-Oct-05, 05:20am
Fuck that was hilarious slippy. Even my mum got a good chuckle out of it. She thinks you should be a writer.
This isn't about your mum.
Or is it??
anyone who uses townhall station in sydney frequently will have no doubt seen the skanky old crazy homeless bitch who sits around by the ticket machine most of the day.. the real creepie looking woman with tons of lipstick and the huge dark glasses.. urgh just thinking about her gives me teh shudders.
anyway one day i was waiting outside woolies for my mates to come down the stairs, and shock horror i turned round and there she was.. walking towards me, with her hands outstretched. she'd heard me talking to someone, i think, as she was yelling, nay.. screaming at me something about me having an english sounding accent.. and that she hated the english and the irish ( she sounded french or spanish or something ).
what with the shock, and the sudden realisation that she was actually going to try to grab me, i jumped backwards about a 3 feet and held up my hands to plead mercy. onwards she came, and now she was really livid, proper screaming at me.. and thats when it happened... she opened her foul, lipstick plastered mouth as wide as possible and screeched at the top of her lung.. and bang the smell and saliva hit me square in the face. it was only momentary, but truly unbeleivable, nonetheless.shed spluuered all sorts of sick shit all over me, which got wiped off very fast. by now the station security guard was on his way over.. he got her by the arm and marched her - still yelling - up the stairs and out onto the street. utterly sickening that was, ill never forget the smell of her.
great thread btw, keep em coming..
While I was banned I had to slowly watch this wonderful thread trickle down the walls of the forum. Like diaorhea on the wall.
Here's a tale from work a few weeks ago
By about 4pm, the Sunday morning enthusiasm has worn off. It is the point in the day where I am checking the time at an increasing rate. A lady approaches me and asks me about a book. After looking it up on the computer and finding it on our shelves, she lets me know in her kind and likeable manner that she is going to keep looking around. I inform her with a smile that I will leave her book at the counter for when she is ready to buy it.
A little while later we are both at the counter and I am scanning her selected books when a guy who looks about 14 years old comes and stands next to her. I can see the similiarities between the woman and her son. As I am swiping her credit card, I hear her say under her breath angrily
"Sammy!"
I figure that must be her son's name but wonder what he has done wrong. He hasn't said a peep since joining us. I pass the credit receipt over to the lady for her to sign. I notice she is red. Then it hits me. A hot, dense, eggy fart. I look at the boy. He is failing at concealing a deviant smirk. Not just a smirk. He is so overtly pleased with himself and his pungent anus I wouldn't be suprised if he was convinced he would get the Pulitzer Price for that hummer.
I wasn't really sure what to do. I always imagine farts to travel in clouds. I wondered if I put my head slightly to the side whether my head would pass the stink-cloud boundaries. Alas, this toxic-air had permeated to all surrounded areas. I knew I had to evacuate the premises.
I quickly put the books into a bag trying my hardest not to inhale his tiny atomic poo particles that were no doubt swimming about my head. I handed the lady her parcel and we both darted from our current positions with her calling a "Thank you" back over her shoulder.
What a little grot.
zohrane
21-Nov-05, 01:16pm
Well i come from the country.
Driving to my ex bf's place one morning we cross a bride "burnt bridge" which is right near an Aboriginal housing commission place. There were all these aboriginal people standing around so we thought we would pull over & see what was happening there was a pony that had been perfectly & very cleanly gutted!!!!!!!!! And it had been dragged from one side of the bridge to the other.
The tribe claimed it was a Yowie that had done it.
Just imagine the smell on a hot summers day. YUCK!!!!!!
Maybe thats one of the reasons i moved to Sydney!!!!!!!!!!
a Yowie..
:lol: :lol: :lol:
I work in a relatively large shopping complex. Within the centre there are many fast food outlets such as McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Ali Baba, Donut King, KFC, Cheeky salads and many other independent outlets with Chinese, Indian and Japanese food. There is a cinema, 2 Boosts and several restaurants. One can also visit the food court comprising of a butcher, a poultry shop, a fish shop, a fruit & vegetable shop, a bakery and delicatessan.
Our staff entrance is conveniently located at the back of the centre 2 levels up from the centres waste area. All of excrement of the retail outlet is kept here. At 5pm after a day of sitting in 35 degree heat, that waste begins to smell very funky. It is not uncommon for me to gag when walking to my car.
The best description I can think of is decomposed meat that has been blended with some fish and microwaved youkhalt (or however you spell the shit). It is this dirty sweet smell that could be loved only by maggots. I can imagine them frollicking happily among the fish heads and rotten watermelons and out-of-date-yoghurt. It is rancid and wrong.
Long live this thread :blush:
b_valenzuela
16-Jan-06, 08:12pm
smell of raw egg and water mixed together in the kitchen sink... eeew makes me want to vommit thinking about it..
the worst smell for today was the antipasto mix I chucked in the bolagnaise sauce. Lucky it tasted alright but the smell to me reminded me of off milk
so pissed off I usually make awesome bolognaise sauce, this batch was shit
:(
Chharge
16-Jan-06, 09:41pm
god slippy, reading over your stories are absolute gold mate.
Optimus Rhyme
17-Jan-06, 12:17am
The worst smell I have ever smelled is when I opened this jar of old brown sugar that had been rotting in the back of a cupboard for 12 years or so.... I couldn't believe the stench.
It was like a really evil concentration of the smell of a musty cellar....one that a whole bunch of diseased cow's corpses had been festering in for 103 years, that someone had visited a few hours previously, and left a burning cigar in there, after pissing. He had been taking lots of vitamins so it was one of those really yellow, strong smelling pisses.
pinkitten
17-Jan-06, 01:10pm
Dogs with blocked anal glands, the smell gets stuck in your nose its feral..... being a vet nurse you get to smell lots of disgusting stuff.... rabit pus is pretty rank, so is opening up the belly of a dog with bloat... ewwwww
I remember my food court days working in a coffee shop.. We weren't allowed to be seen smoking by the customers so the only place we were allowed to smoke was out in the loading dock by the hoppers.
Nothing like the afternoon ciggarette inhaled with the combined rubbish of a food court full of fast food outlets and the smell of the fishmongers scraps which they used to empty on to the floor and then attempt to wash into the drain. I think the most memorable times were in summer when the hoppers were sitting in full sun and the fish of the past week sitting in the drains had had time to fully develop it's potential.
filletoh
17-Jan-06, 04:02pm
when i was doing nursing at uni we did theatre placements and the smell from when surgeons are lasering arteries to stop them bleeding is the most undesribable smell...its sickening at first but u get use to it
99% pure acetic acid would be among the worst.
also sulfur pits at one of our clients.
or the SOAP plant at one of our clients (not soap as in cleaning though)
peterkov
18-Jan-06, 12:47pm
definitely butiric acid. We use it in our lab at work. There is also a chemical called scatole (3-methylindole) that is supposed to be rank. My flatmate has it in her lab. Good for practical jokes
bornslippy1984
13-Jul-06, 03:15am
I love this thread. It deserves to be bumped.
Especially after the night I've just had.
Scene: My work. Kings Cross Bottleshop. Not the most glamorous job, or even the second-least glamorous, but someone has to do it. Plus, you get to meet some interesting people.
...such as Mr Jim Beam. No, I'm not making a reference to the spirit and personifying it to make it seem like I drink it a lot, because I don't, it tastes like swan urine. I'm referring to a local (that's the polite term for bum, ragarse or, if you prefer, scum) that comes in intermittently in order to buy a few tins of Beam & Coke, usually paying with shrapnel he's panhandled or found. What a hero.
The guy doesn't have a Queer Eye style beauty and grooming routine, it's basically a face wash up at the fountain or waiting for a rainy day. As you can imagine, he smells pretty bad, a mixture of days of B.O., cheap booze, ciggies, and whatever gunk has been caught up in his non-intentionally-dreadlocked hair.
Despite this, he is also the rudest, most arrogant freak I have ever come across. He calls you names. He spits on the floor. He demands a discount with every purchase. He is, in short, an arsehole, and I don't feel bad at all saying that he possibly deserves to be on the street.
Anyhoo, tonight: I'm doing what I do at work, namely talking to hookers in the doorway and occasionally serving customers. And [enter, downstage right, next to the UDL fridge] Mr Jim Beam. In full street regalia: stained trackies, mismatching shirts layered to keep out the cold, shoes older than I am, and a striped beanie.
And he's fucked off his face. He can hardly walk. He seems to have lost his grasp of English, as well as his trackies, which are dangling listlessly halfway to his knees. To summarise: I'm not going to serve him, not ever.
I informed him of my decision, and punctuated it with a cheery "See you at 10am tomorrow". He started at me blankly for a few seconds, his mind reeling, clearly trying to catch up with the action. He pointed a finger at me, and spat:
"...Ffffuck choo. Imma gonna find cha and hit cha."
The smell in the shop was so powerful that customers at the back, a good 20 meters from where we stood, were looking around accusingly, as if another has farted. I call security, and reach for the deoderant can that we leave for these situations. With an enormous belch, Mr Jim Beam decides to let himself leave without a security escort.
[Exit Mr Jim Beam, downstage left... no, downstage right... no, wait... fall over, now look confused. Get up, and.... nearly there champ... exit.]
Fast forward an hour. I've closed the shop, and I'm wandering up the road for some food and maybe a beer. I come up to the fountain, and lo and behold, there he is.
Covered in vomit. Babbling incoherantly to nobody in particular.
Until he sees me.
He points.
He walk over.
I keep walking.
He catches up.
I tell him to fuck off.
And then something happens.
He stops, and grabs me by the shoulder. But he doesn't hit me. He doesn't even look like he can. He does something far worse.
A strand of bile dripping from his mouth, he looks me in the eye, and shits himself.
The sound, let alone the smell, was awful. Imagine the last of the tomato sauce bottle is clogged with lumpy porridge. Imagine it has a subwoofer attatched. That's it.
The smell was... intense. I can't even describe it. Dead animals, off mayo, week old sun-ripened garbage... all in one atomic blast of horror. I tell you, bread crusts don't make your hair curly, but this smell sure fucking did. The 'grog bog' from hell.
Combined with the already described Eau de Jim Beam, it was too much. I vomited. All over his shoes.
And then I ran away, as fast as I could.
I'm really, really not looking forward to work tomorrow.
pinkitten
13-Jul-06, 08:00am
:lol: Slip, that was wayyyyy too descriptive for 8am :thumb: you win!
Chharge
13-Jul-06, 08:03am
:lol:
atrev2much
13-Jul-06, 09:20am
i used to work in a bottle- o in a scummy area. I know your pain, at least its an interesting job.....
slippy, that is superb... what a sight that must have been to anyone else who was around.
woah. now that is one descriptive event. i really feel for chap's like that - i mean - imagine you or someone you know's life being resorted to that :( tragic.
still doesn't call for the roaring jimmy (hird) in your face.
Worst smell for me would have to be riding my horse past the slaughterhouse on a hot tuesday afternoon. Nothing like the smell of old blood, rotting meat scraps, faeces and stomach acid drifting through the air in a thick fog.. beaudiful
the riding your horse part was soo relevant to that story :p
Nice one, Chris. An excellent thread to rekindle.
Well I sure as hell wouldnt have stopped the car to get a whiff any other time, needless to say didnt ride down that road ever again lol
the dirt road ?
baddum tish
markeee
13-Jul-06, 01:57pm
lissie, such a way with words.
the worst smell i smelt was in a mixed penut jar (one like you get at christmas off your grandma). it was pieces of something with a liquid in the bottom, i thought he must of been making something.
as it turned out is was parts of his friends skull and jaw that were not picked up off the train tracks after a suicide.
i turned white and heaved pretty hard that day.
MissMuffin
13-Jul-06, 02:00pm
lissie, such a way with words.
the worst smell i smelt was in a mixed penut jar (one like you get at christmas off your grandma). it was pieces of something with a liquid in the bottom, i thought he must of been making something.
as it turned out is was parts of his friends skull and jaw that were not picked up off the train tracks after a suicide.
i turned white and heaved pretty hard that day.
WTF? :meh:
bornslippy1984
13-Jul-06, 02:33pm
:meh: I'm off to work now. Wish me luck.
hahahaha good luck
that story was awesomely funny :lol:
MadOogles
13-Jul-06, 02:58pm
and now i've discovered where to hang out week nights
:)
see you tonite slippy
;)
bornslippy1984
13-Jul-06, 03:14pm
and now i've discovered where to hang out week nights
:)
see you tonite slippy
;)
Make sure you peruse our selection of affordable sparkling passionfruit infused wine.
MadOogles
13-Jul-06, 03:17pm
I dont drink
:(
alexmet
13-Jul-06, 03:41pm
Slippy you win at life with that story.
Seamus Ryan
13-Jul-06, 04:01pm
Umm...
Working in a supermarket you get all types of fantastic smells.
example.
Over the christmas break last year, the cooler/freezer/fridge broke down. This particular fridge was where the meat was kept before it was chopped up and packaged.
So over the christmas break (a few days) the meat was sitting there in an enclosed space, in the soaring heat.
You can imagine 100's of kilos of meat just sitting there.... it was fantastic. Made the manager gag a few times, i felt like i was going to faint.
I have also left the dishes unwashed for a few days. One cup was sitting in the sink, with still around a quarter of the cup full of milk+milo. I thought to myself... hmm, wonder what this smells like. Luckly i was at the sink... threw up straight away. It was as if someone dropped their own shit in a blender, turned it on till it was liquefied and then poured it down my nose.
I love this thread. It deserves to be bumped.
Especially after the night I've just had.
Scene: My work. Kings Cross Bottleshop. Not the most glamorous job, or even the second-least glamorous, but someone has to do it. Plus, you get to meet some interesting people.
...such as Mr Jim Beam. No, I'm not making a reference to the spirit and personifying it to make it seem like I drink it a lot, because I don't, it tastes like swan urine. I'm referring to a local (that's the polite term for bum, ragarse or, if you prefer, scum) that comes in intermittently in order to buy a few tins of Beam & Coke, usually paying with shrapnel he's panhandled or found. What a hero.
The guy doesn't have a Queer Eye style beauty and grooming routine, it's basically a face wash up at the fountain or waiting for a rainy day. As you can imagine, he smells pretty bad, a mixture of days of B.O., cheap booze, ciggies, and whatever gunk has been caught up in his non-intentionally-dreadlocked hair.
Despite this, he is also the rudest, most arrogant freak I have ever come across. He calls you names. He spits on the floor. He demands a discount with every purchase. He is, in short, an arsehole, and I don't feel bad at all saying that he possibly deserves to be on the street.
Anyhoo, tonight: I'm doing what I do at work, namely talking to hookers in the doorway and occasionally serving customers. And [enter, downstage right, next to the UDL fridge] Mr Jim Beam. In full street regalia: stained trackies, mismatching shirts layered to keep out the cold, shoes older than I am, and a striped beanie.
And he's fucked off his face. He can hardly walk. He seems to have lost his grasp of English, as well as his trackies, which are dangling listlessly halfway to his knees. To summarise: I'm not going to serve him, not ever.
I informed him of my decision, and punctuated it with a cheery "See you at 10am tomorrow". He started at me blankly for a few seconds, his mind reeling, clearly trying to catch up with the action. He pointed a finger at me, and spat:
"...Ffffuck choo. Imma gonna find cha and hit cha."
The smell in the shop was so powerful that customers at the back, a good 20 meters from where we stood, were looking around accusingly, as if another has farted. I call security, and reach for the deoderant can that we leave for these situations. With an enormous belch, Mr Jim Beam decides to let himself leave without a security escort.
[Exit Mr Jim Beam, downstage left... no, downstage right... no, wait... fall over, now look confused. Get up, and.... nearly there champ... exit.]
Fast forward an hour. I've closed the shop, and I'm wandering up the road for some food and maybe a beer. I come up to the fountain, and lo and behold, there he is.
Covered in vomit. Babbling incoherantly to nobody in particular.
Until he sees me.
He points.
He walk over.
I keep walking.
He catches up.
I tell him to fuck off.
And then something happens.
He stops, and grabs me by the shoulder. But he doesn't hit me. He doesn't even look like he can. He does something far worse.
A strand of bile dripping from his mouth, he looks me in the eye, and shits himself.
The sound, let alone the smell, was awful. Imagine the last of the tomato sauce bottle is clogged with lumpy porridge. Imagine it has a subwoofer attatched. That's it.
The smell was... intense. I can't even describe it. Dead animals, off mayo, week old sun-ripened garbage... all in one atomic blast of horror. I tell you, bread crusts don't make your hair curly, but this smell sure fucking did. The 'grog bog' from hell.
Combined with the already described Eau de Jim Beam, it was too much. I vomited. All over his shoes.
And then I ran away, as fast as I could.
I'm really, really not looking forward to work tomorrow.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Chris, while working at this job, can you please write a book. Please. :lol: :lol:
first ever anatomy class
we are told to bring shopping bags to cover our texts and notebooks and to (of course) wear lab coats and shoe protectors and told NOT to put a scent or perfume under our noses because every time from then on you smell that scent it will remind you of the event about to occur
we lift off the covers to the cadavers and they look ok... dead, and somehow not real but the stench of the formalene is something i will never forget - and it doesn't come out, or off.
i got used to it after about the 3rd or 4th time but now i can't watch shows like csi or any of those crime things because if i see even a photo of a corpse or body or anything it's like an acid flashback and i can SMELL the shit - i get goosebumps and have to go have a quiet moment with myself
bullet train
14-Jul-06, 01:40am
http://img106.imageshack.us/img106/9466/image0075ft.th.jpg (http://img106.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image0075ft.jpg)
OK I've had a Siamese Fighting Fish called Oscar for 2 years on 21 August. The thing has been toeing (if it had toes) the line of death for about 2 months and I wish it would just hurry the fuck up and die.
You may think I'm being cruel but it's not like it's quality of life is especially good. It just lies there at the bottom of the tank until it gathers enough energy to swim to the top and float back down to the bottom (which happens about twice a day).
What the hell does this have to do with this thread?
Well for the past 2 weeks Oscar's water has been turning a bit milky. So I have cleaned it....this water stinks. Imagine someone died with an enormous fart trapped in their ass. Then lets pretend that it is only through the Earth's rotations that the gas will slowly creep closer and closer to its one an only exit- the bung hole. Now pretend that for the bowel-orbit to be complete and for the gas to escape it would take 27 years.
Imagine the smell of a 27year old fart escaping from a corpse (mixed in with the smell of the corpse) and that pretty much sums up what this tank water smells like.
It's rancid.
Please let my fish die.
Donnie Darko
02-Aug-06, 01:19am
i immediately stopped hooking up with a seemingly normal / attractive girl because ther "down there" stank
im not using stink lightly
i worked in seafood for two and a half years during high school
so. stinky.
yuk
BOKSOFROX
02-Aug-06, 01:36am
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
seriously. i went on a 3 week hike. there was no sanitary shower action. on the last day i reached down to scratch an itch underneath my ball sack... when i pulled my hand back out, i felt compelled to sniff it. I did.
It smelt like a combination of that mega stinky cheese, the kind that smells like poopies, the pungent odour of wet dog, a couple of socks that have been worn for 5 years an unwashed, add a couple dirty hippies, someone with a severe scat fetish, a chick on her rags... put it all in a blender and then vomit on it after eating someone elses bowels...
i gagged. it was glorious.
then i made other people sniff my finger.
:lol: :lol: :lol: OMG that's so fucked but so funny.
Spectrum
24-Nov-06, 10:38am
http://www.inthemix.com.au/forum/showthread.php?t=183196&page=2
I was about to leave home for work this morning, then noted one of our oh-so-cute cats was first dragging his arse along the ground, then later straining to shit in its box.
Hmmm...
Checked the shitter box after he alighted from it, and no shit. Lifted his tail, and whoooaaah, about 4 separate daggy shits, clustered around his asshole, trapped into his fur, slowly drying to form a permanent shit heap.
Grabbed a pair of rubber gloves and scissors, then located him in the courtyard where a fat-assed blowfly was buzzing around his rear in great excitement. After attempting to snip at it, ended up giving up after one scream from him and wasn't even getting close to the stinky shitty mess.
So I left for work wondering how backed up he must be.
Returned this evening to the vile stench of shit in the air, realising he'd 1/2 softened the mass by licking it, and the rest began to disolve through his recent addition of diareoha, and then discovered shit balls around the lounge room, shit splattered along the TV aerial lead, shit on the stairs, shit smeared across on the carpet upstairs, along the foot of the bed, and up onto the bed sheets, along the window sills...
...and there's fucken shit smeared across my fucken studio desk!!!
http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-9/1073345/Falkor@4months.jpg
No longer cute.
Jester_Fu, you may now officially kick our cat. :thumb:
Whenever I head out of the city to visit my parents I have to travel past a dogfood factory.
Plush green meadows, with tall green grass and horses strolling around the property.
Those horses are going to be cut up, and made into dog food though.
Every time I approach the factory, I wind up my windows & close the sunroof. I also close the vents on the dashboard but somehow the stench still gets in.
Imagine an animal carcus thas has been laying in the sun rotting for days on end. That is what it smells like.
DarkPhoenix
24-Nov-06, 11:05am
the side effects of Xenical..
Boxhead
24-Nov-06, 11:45am
Battery acid, when my mate crashed his car and the cell split leaking all the fluids.
Indescribeable.
Differential oil is pretty bad as well.
night-til-light
24-Nov-06, 12:03pm
Whilst on my way from Nowra to see a doctor in Sydney, I was in urgent need of a public convience. So, walking through the domain, I spotted some portaloo's. That was my first mistake! At this stage I was about to pee myself.
I entered the public loo, it was one of those massive rooms, not the little cubicle types at BDO. The small hit me, at about the same time I realised I had no time to go anywhere else.
I looked into the toilet and I threw up, not into the toilet - not into the sink but into the corner, The sink and the loo were full of floaters, used tampons and vomit, I'm sure I even spotted a used needle somewhere. I can not even find the words to try to get you to imagine the smell.
What the fuck to do - I had to run outside and just piss in the park. Lovely work for a lady!
Chiapet
24-Nov-06, 12:25pm
Ok.. I had been out one night and had not had much sleep before I needed to rockup to work and do some maintenance in our data centre.. I was pretty hungover, but not as much as one of the other techs that I was working with that day...
I luckily entered through the front of the building and about 30minutes later he called me to let him in from the back door.
The smell coming from the delivery area was a combination of the most hideous disgusting rotting prawn, pink smelly fish combination you have ever smelt.. Someone had taken a dislike to the company I worked for and picked up a bucketload of this filthy entrail mix and covered the floor, walls and door to our building with this discussing pink mix
The smell was unbelievable.. even after it had been hosed down the smell lingered for weeks. Both my work mate and I gagged a few times (thankfully no spew) and I couldn't think of anything worse that having to smell that with a hangover.
Unfortunately this happened a few times and one of these times was during summer and the same pink fish/prawn mixture covered the main entrance to our building where all our customers would come in.. just watching people come through the glass doubledoors and looking at their faces as the smell hit them. No amount of Glen 20 could clear it..
Its making me gag just thinking about it.. :-*
Msraver
24-Nov-06, 01:00pm
One word describes the indescribable - Bangkok.
miXup77
24-Nov-06, 01:07pm
Battery acid, when my mate crashed his car and the cell split leaking all the fluids.
Indescribeable.
Differential oil is pretty bad as well.
Lightweight!! Imagine those poor mechanics :lol:
Smell this;
A heavily pregnant Nanny-goat that has been lying dead in the sun for a day or so - then slit that belly open and GAG! MMmmmmmm dead goat foetus mixed with very stale goats milk mixed with the contents of the ruptured intestine!
Very tangy smell! Although that diff oil is pretty bad :rainman:
Many years ago, my mates beer fridge stopped running, there were many bags of pilchards in the freezer in readness for that day they were going to go fishing..
Not sure why we got involved in this smell... (might be because it was so bad)
But the interesting thing is the air was sooo heavy I could cut it with a knife...
Will never forget it to be honest...
Have fun..
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