grrr.. boyfriends.. urghh...

[star]

yes im still home sick, so i will entertain myself by getting advice from the ITM doctors;)

Been trying to end a long term relationship for the past three months, decided i definately wanted out on the weekend. But he won't let me break up with him. Keeps making me feel sorry for him, and telling me that we can make it work, even after last night i lost it at home over the phone "ITS OVER" he works in the same building (but i've been home sick all week) so i can't hide from him. and the small fact that i love him is always there.
i am just sick of being someones girlfriend, i want to be single!
how do you let go, when you really do care.
apologies for this post- but i am going crazy.
Star xxoo

P.S i am feeling better today, Flu is leaving :tripping:

[i_have_ADD]

cheat on him, it will solve allllllllll your problems!!!

[b-boy]

Originally posted by i_have_ADD
cheat on him, it will solve allllllllll your problems!!!

ha ha funny
it take two to tango and if u dnt then itd soon fall apart!

[bumpmek]

I think you're just gonna have to cut all ties, if this is really what you want, no matter how much it hurts him, fact of life, breakups hurt for all parties. But don't give him the "we'll still be friends thing", cause you can't, in time maybe but not right now!

:D

[sql_chick]

it's not you, it's me........actually i'm lying, it is you....:lol:

agree with bumpmek.....just be straightforward with him and stick to it.......you'll end up resenting him if this continues

[feeble]

Boys suck. I say ditch him and make the aquaintance of a nice vibrator.

[krafty_x]

I agree with I have ADD.

'cept cheat on him wif his sista.

Heaps more entertaining.

k_x oxo

8-)

[SPOKEYDOKEY]

cheat on him with his mum, completely ruin his life ;)

[sql_chick]

"honey i think we should start seeing other people"

translation

" i am already seeing other people"

[SPOKEYDOKEY]

he makes you feel sorry for him???

how could you go out with someone who does a thing like that?

is it pity?

[miss apple]

Originally posted by star
But he won't let me break up with him. Keeps making me feel sorry for him, and telling me that we can make it work, even after last night i lost it at home over the phone "ITS OVER" ....

wtf??!! that's called emotional blackmail. and it's not on.

you're going to have to cut all ties. not see him at all. avoid seeing him at work by having lunch breaks at different times. not talk to him if you see him at work (cause you can't be expected to change jobs because of him).

you know breaking up with him is the right thing to do. by the sounds of things he has you wrapped around his little finger. but it's you who's going to have to be strong here. it's going to be hard at first, but you'll be so grateful that you made yourself go through it in the end.

[SwishFish]

Hey,
I know exactly how you feel, only recently having found the rack (sorry couldnt resist) to get myself out of an unhealthy 3 yr relationship. I was still very much in love with him, but it was going nowhere and i spent more time in tears than i did smiling, which is not right.

The way i did it, was grabbed a friend and went to the gold coast for a week to remind myself that i was still worthy of a good time, good friends, and other guy's attention. When i came back, although it was still hard, i broke up with him.

Since then, i have found ITM and become a junkie! no really, i have made some fantastic friends on here and elsewhere since i broke up with him, and am having such an absolute ball. i definitely went thru a really hard time, and considered ging back, but have lasted 3 months now and will never ever let myself be used that way again (used in other ways perhaps)

YOu are in sydney arent you? there is a bunch of us who are newly single, have quasi boyfriends and girlfriends etc and would be more than happy to induct you into our little gang and get you out having some fun again!!!


blah blah blah, i could go on for ages about how you need to get rid of him and find yourself a nice new little groove...its really not the impossible task it seems from where you are, honestly.


PM me or email me if you wanna talk some more, always happy to help someone thru what i had to go thru alone for the most part..

In the meantime, try and stay positive, and the key is to foucs on something else, anything else


"may the rack be with you"

*hugz*

[fUnKy1]

You have to end it now. If you feel bad hurting him, then in the end you're hurting him more by staying in a relationship when you're not happy.

I have only ever broke up with one person (yes, the other 2 times i was dumped!), and it was the worst experience ever. Even worse than being dumped, because you feel responsible. It took me 4 hours of hell to do it, and he was saying the same thing "i wont let you go", "we can work it out" etc. But then, after dealing with the guilt for a week (and reading a shitload of pleading emails and sms's), i gave in and decided to give it another go. The relationship lasted 3 days! It just wont work once one partner's heart isn't in it.

Just make it clear, and be firm. Don't let him manipulate your words and make you give in. Sometimes the dumpee (not a nice word, but i couldn't think of anything better) will try to take you off on a tangent to make you change your mind (he'll hit you with the "but you love me, right?" questions) and that makes it so much harder.

Just stick with your initial thoughts: "it's not going to work, i want to beak up" or something a little less blunt (but not too subtle).

Believe me, as bad as it feels, you're doing the right thing in the long run. As my mum always says "it happens to all of us, don't feel guilty, cos you could just as easily be on the receiving end"....it's a hard logic to follow, but it makes sense i guess. We all get hurt, it's a part of life (as awful as it may be).

f1

[Spitchen]

Originally posted by feeble
Boys suck. I say ditch him and make the aquaintance of a nice vibrator.

Some boys suck really well, vibrators don't! :)

[star]

Originally posted by Spitchen


Some boys suck really well, vibrators don't! :)
i like the ones that lick well :lol: :lol: :lol:

[sql_chick]

wish i was still dating that stamp collector...god how i miss him

[star]

Thank you Swish Fish xxoo

everything that you are all saying i already know, i know what the right thing is to do, but its really hard with this guy.
miss apple your right it is emotional black mail, when i spoke to him last night he makes me feel like i am ruining his whole life.
Its definately no reson to be with him, but it's just really f***en hard ***grumblegrumblegrumble***
thanks for being supportive
Star xxoo

[SPOKEYDOKEY]

he should take some fucking responsibility for his own life, why give you the choice as to how his life is, that's lame

[bacardi_girl]

Look i've got the answer to all your problems what you need to do is go out and get yourself a dog

Reasons why a dog is better than a boyfriend:

1. The later you are, the more excited a dog is to see you.
2. Anyone can get a good looking dog.
3. Dogs are utterly disinterested in professional sports
4. Dogs are unlikely to roll over and lose consciousness immediately following intense play
5. Dogs are willing to eat anything you put on their plate and will always want more
6. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
7. Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
8. Dogs don't criticize your friends.
9. Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
10. Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
11. You can train a dog.
12. Dogs are easy to buy for.
13. Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.

:)

[RichardGeresTie]

The way i managed to break up a 2.5 year WAY-too-long relationship was by saying "i need a months break, then we'll get back together when ive had some time to myself".... then obviously you dont get back together. they'll get used to not having you around and realise that life wont be so bad without you.

[starlet]

or get yourself a playstation ;D


10 Reasons Why a Playstation Is Better Than A Boyfriend

1. It can perform all night
2. You control it
3. It doesn't need to eat
4. You don't need to take it to bed to please it
5. Playstations don't drink
6. The lid is never left up
7. Nobody has a better Playstation than you
8. It stays where you leave it
9. Turn it off at the touch of a button
10. It comes with a warranty

[SwishFish]

Hey Star,
Oh let me tell you, the whole guilt trip emotional blackmail, ruining my life thing is more than familiar. Im sure that if we compared notes we would prolly find that your man and my ex man(oh i like that) arelong lost twins. Mine is from Nz and constantly pulled the "but i have no one here who loves me", "i dont know many other people here" "i will be losrt with you" "you are the best thing that ever happened to me, i cant believe you're throwing it away" "if i cant make this work with you, i cant make it work with anyone" etc etc etc..and thats only the guilt trips that are readable to post on here.

Trust me, i know.

Take everyones advice...do it.
The fact that so many ppl have posted on here supporting you, shows that you have friends who will help you thru.


Take care of yourself

[rabbler]

a couple of things could help make the blow easier for your man:

if he knows you still love him, he'll think theres still a chance you will get back together and cling on to you.

be compassionate, respectful and tell him you still care about
him.

tell him you still want to be friends (but only if you mean it)
coz you can be best buddies (am with my ex)

be honest about your reason for breaking up.

if he still refuses to face the music tell him your seeing someone
else. use this as a last resort coz it will hurt!

im lucky enough that my ex (broke up 2 weeks ago)
could see that i wanted to be single (even if i wouldnt admit it)
and broke up with me before i did cheat on him.

being single rocks!

[Kristi]

Hey i'm at home sick too! Anyway, my friend had the same problem a few months ago, she stayed with her BF coz she felt sorry 4 him and he was doing the whole "pity" thing. So she got sick of it and said she needed a break, and the break never ended. He got really fuctup 4 a while but eventually got over it! Try that? :?

[amilne]

this thread sounds like an episode of beauty & the beast

Been trying to end a long term relationship for the past three months, decided i definately wanted out on the weekend. But he won't let me break up with him.

move on quickly, don't waste anymore time!

[IssUes]

Come r00t me id be more than happy..

[reverber8]

stay with him and treat him like dirt -see how much you can get a way with -make a game of it -eventually he will want to leave.

or alternatively you could tell him the truth about how you feel and dont back down from or take any of his emotional blackmail BS

[tim-e]

Originally posted by sql_chick
wish i was still dating that stamp collector...god how i miss him Funny you should mention that - have I told you about my hobbies outside of my rack committments, sql? ;D

[hpstekno]

/me is really trying not to be the person ur describing in this post star that is why i'm flyen solo to go and have fun without the self guilt ...." what could i have done to make it better, what if she never see's me again" bahhhh fuck that

it hurts but ya get over it i just wish my life would stop behaving like a sine wave

[Bracko]

Firstly SwishFish what you wrote was one of the nicest things i've ever heard a person say!! you souund like a lill' champ!

While all the gurls sit here and complain i just thought i'd whinge a little too, cause i can ;)

What do you do when you meet the cuitest girl you've ever seen, chat, get to know, get digits, and keep in contact. Sound great hay.... here's where things go wrong.

she lives in the same house as her x-boyfriend, who won't let you in the house at all,

She told me she still likes him, then has the nerve to stare me in the eye and tell me how much she likes me. Do you know how much that sux. i know i should 'walk on bye' and find a nicer girl (which i have already tried) but I can't. Just to let the girls know that it's not all peaches for us!! any ideas ppl???

hang in there star i know how it feels, i had an x-gf do unspeakable things to guilt me into going out with her again. you wouldn't believe it if i told you.

[Kinna]

I was in the same position last year. I had been with my BF for six years before I decided to finally call it off. For the last 2 years of my r'ship I was unhappy but I still went on - thought I'd regret it later on in life. Until I went overseas and had a reasonable time apart I finally had the courage to call it off.

Now I have been single for about 8 mths, yeah it has its good points - you can do what you want, no arguing over stupid things and the amount of men that are now a option. However as with everything the excitement eventually dies. So it does get lonely and trust me being single isn't a walk in the park - the amount of 'players' and dopes out there its amazing.

So the moral of the story is ask yourself why you want to be single - if its to have fun trust me you'll have fun for awhile but than the heart starts to grow fonder again. If you still love him than stay coz in the end wanting to be single isn't going to be stronger than the love you have for him.

Goodluck.

[REAL NAOKI]

that means you love him.go on.keep goin.;)

[technix]

I was in your boyfriends position about 2 years ago... It's very hard, the pain he expresses is very real and it hurts a hell of a lot, that's why he reverts to the emotional black mail thing.

It's sort of like a drug addiction, when one partner becomes dependant on the other the relationship goes downhill rather quick. With a drug addicton you become attatched to the feelings of security provided by the drug. In a dependant relationship the person, in this case your boyfriend, gets a rather large sense of security from your presence.
But if the drug had a personality and decided it didn't want to fulfil their desire, then the addict would most certainly attempt to do anything they could to get it. (like emotional blackmail)

My point is in you should treat him as an addict that needs to get off a drug. (namely you)Compassionatly but firm, careful not to completly shatter ego/pride.

In retrospect my ex breaking up with me was the best thing that could've happened to me. I see it now as an addiction that i got over.

I commend my ex for putting up with my crap and not letting it go on any further. As hard as I made it for her she persisted and broke it off. I'm a totally different person now, not the needy boyfriend I was.

You'll be doing him a big favor as well as yourself.

[House of God]

THE ANSWER!!

Tell him that you need to settle and get MARRIED and your desperate to have atleast 3 children (or an amount that he couldnt possibly afford and still have a life).....tell him you need this NOW and its mother nature calling to you:)

OUTCOME: He will decide that he isnt ready for all that..then you can without being hurtfull let him know "Then we are not right for each other:)"

He will be overcome with fear of living without you....propose to which you can accept..then leave him at the alter because you just cant go through with it:( then HE will be unable to stay with you :) but you wont have really been nasty so he wont HATE you:)

Ok well thats my thoughts......

I WOULD SAY: Look i love you and you are a special person BUT i havnt been able to keep my focus of other women...and i dont wont to hurt you if i find myself in a bad position:(

she will then: A/ Think im a male bastard...which i can live with and well all women think we are anyway.

B/ She will allow me to bring numerous beautiful women into our bed and fugg till my hearts content...which means ill be to worn out to care about being single:)

hahaha

Kirk...Marriage Counselor extrodinare:)

[N4TE]

Originally posted by House of God
..then leave him at the alter because you just cant go through with it:( then HE will be unable to stay with you :) but you wont have really been nasty


*shiver* glad I'm not you hoggy, you're gonna get toasted in the morning....go easy girls, he's from Darwin.

[SPOKEYDOKEY]

grrr.. girlfriends.. urghh...

i do feel for ya star, my last took 4 months to get out of, and possibly left me feeling a little bitter, friends are far more worth your time, but no one has the right to emotionally blackmail a person

[zarate_fix]

rotflmao feeble ..werd! and spitchen ur call werent bad either ...

[Esteban]

Star, i feel for ya babe. I've seen many a post by you that reflected your relationship and how you've wanted out.

A relationship does not depend on ONE person. It is not up to him to decide if the relationship is on or off. Respect yourself and don't let him run your life. It should not be a matter of "Can we break up... if not it's ok..." it should be "I don't want to see you anymore, it's not a decision for you to make but a decision for you to accept"

Don't waste any more time on this relationship, it destroys the soul. Life's too short to be wasted in an unwanted relationship. Every month you're in it is another month in a better relationship that you could be missing out on. I can't fit anymore cliches into one paragraph :)

Be firm but compassionate (love turns to hate so easily).

And for the love of god please do not sleep with him after the break up. It just never works! Use Energizer Titanium, they last longest :p

Carpe Diem.

[Technogeekery]

I tell ya, it never gets easier. I thought I'd done with all of that shit and reached some equilibrium at last, but life is full of little suprises. :meh:

Be honest, be respectful, be strong, and above all, look after your own interests - you can never make someone else happy at your own expense.

[Natashja]

Star - I admire your capacity for consideration and compassion, but you're selling yourself short. BIG TIME. Boyfriend sounds like a looser and you sound like a crutch that he's grown far too accustomed to leaning on. In my opinion, boyfriend needs to get his shit together and you need to start putting your needs and desires first. He's obviously not looking out for you or your best interests, so that means you've got to bite the bullet and start taking care of business.

I disagree with all the suggestions that recommend lying, manipulation, evasiveness, cheating etc. I find all of those things to be fundamentally spinelessness and worse than being the dependent sobbing shadow of a man your boy appears to be. Tell him straight up, plain and simple. What happens after that is NOT your problem – you are responsible for yourself and that’s it. It sounds like it’s about time that boyfriend grew up and started behaving like an adult and not a whining, whingeing, emotionally blackmailing, sissy boy.

Being true to yourself is also about telling the truth to people even if it hurts them. Being strong, maintaining your integrity and self-respect comes out of being accountable for your self and behaving honourably even when it’s easier and less painful not to.

I think it was Oscar Wilde who said “the pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple”

Good Luck!

[Drama Queen]

Be Strong my lil star!!! I'm backing you all the way baby, I'm not letting you go back to that poor excuse of a boyfriend... You are young, fun and beautiful and deserve sooooo much better!!! Keep your head up girl, lotsa love Drama Queen xxooxx :blush:

[Griggle]

I agree, he obviously doesn't want to do stuff for you. For him the whole relationship is about his own self-gratification. Otherwise he would see you need space and would have given it to you.

Have some respect for yourself, dump the guy. Maybe he stop being so selfish, I hope he does, but it won't happen without something to kick him into gear.

Good luck! I'm sure if you need some support the peps here will be glad to lend you some.

[star]

Big (((((HUGS)))))) to everyone xxoo
seriously, it has brought it all home how much i need to get out of there. Just saw him at lunch and he knew what i was doing with the whole break thing, and i just agreed, i can't believe it.
It is all very scarey, but he is saying all those infamous lines that you guys have all quoted.
i just have to be a cold hearted bitch... that would make life easier:~(
SwishFish you are a cutie xxoo
sadStar xxoo

[Gregama]

hehe, if you want him to cut all ties....

This is like a 'emergency use only' type thing..

You could always shag someone else when you know he is coming home/over and watch his heart break right then and there. Its not a nice thought, but he's not letting go, is he...

You love him, and you care etc but boys (when smitten) are completely dependant. *Gregama is smitten..* Its harder to shake off a lovey dovey boyfriend than to run away from a cheetah !

Just my two cents ;)

The problem is that it never gets easier, the longer you leave it, the harder it'll be for him to accept it.

[gerg]

you should get him really trashed so he passes out, then get a friend or a relative to crash out next to him pretending to have slept with him and walk in the room.... sounds like an episode of springer...

just lose him... emotional black mail is a bitch... nobody deserves it..

failing that tell him he sucks in the sack and your off to find a better lover...

[havik]

I had this same dilemma.
My ex went away for 2months - i thought I would miss her and ended up enjoying myself so much more than when she was here and felt it was the thing to do (break up).

That was a 3 year relationship.

And the stuff I'm still doing thanks to being single assures me a clean break was the right thing

[miss muffett]

babe, if it isn't where you want to be, get the hell out as quick as you can. There's no point hanging around. Like Natashja said, it's about you, not him.

I have tried to stay friends with my ex of 2 (count em - TWO) years ago and he still can't get over the fact that I may want to see other people and has attempted to ruin many a fledgling relationship, so I would also suggest that you give yourself and him a big break from each other to get that distance and perspective you need.

It's even harder to make the break when you are heavily involved because you can see the hurt you're causing and are all to aware of how he feels. You need to get away, and quickly, to give yourself perspective and to stop the pain as much as is possible.

bit like pulling a band-aid off, short and sharp! ;)

[miss muffett]

btw, there's been some great advice on here.

I know where I'm coming the next time I need relationship counselling!!! hehe

[Syk Syd]

As a young male fukwit I tried the guilt trips routine it prolonged things for awhile........several years later karma bitez me on the ass!.........Get outer there lady be true to yourself!

if you apply this to all that you do, you will live a long happy & satisfying life.......ENJOY!

Did someone call for a great licker :P

[Super Nintendo Chalmers]

cheat on him, it will solve allllllllll your problems!!!

until he tracks you down and this happens

http://i38.tinypic.com/23j51rl.gif

[SPOKEYDOKEY]

5 Star Bump,

Would laugh again.

[N4TE]

cosigned, kudos

[ezz_]

hilarious.

[Optimus Rhyme]

that would be awesome if he punched her in the cunt but he totally doesn't and is thus the most wasted gif opportunity in history

[bng99]

:lol:

class bump for sure lol