How soon is too soon?

[Pooeez]

Hey peoples, I have a question, being a youngin of sorts in these parts, at the ripe old age of 19, despite being fairly street smart and just generally worldly, I'm a little new to this subject, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two months, and yesterday he asked me to move in cause I basically live there anyway, (he's 22 by the way) this actually scared the bjesus out of me, (which surprised me cause I thought he'd be the commitment phobic of the duo) because it felt almost too right, now is two months of seeing each other daily enough time to know if we can live 24/7 together? or should I just take the chance and go for it??

[redstars]

If you have somewhere to go back to if it doesnt work out, do it! ;)

[MeLiBu]

yeah, just don't burn your bridges and it should be sweet...

maybe if it gets a bit much then just move back out??

[Lambretta]

I met my now wife in October 1993 when I was just turned 22 and she was 21.
We were living together by the November.

We staying living together ever since & have been happily married for 4 years this October.

If you'd told me the day before I met Dan that I'd be living with a girl in under a month, I'd have told you that you were certifiable.
(Looks like I would have been wrong)

Sometimes you just take a chance and it works out. Best of luck.

[Steph]

My girlfriend and I moved in together after 2.5 months of knowing each other, and we are now happily married and in our fourth year of being a couple. Do what you think is right, trust your instincts, and you can't go wrong ;)

[Pooeez]

thanks lamb I knew there had to be someone out there with a good experience !!!

[feeble]

hmmm 2 months is a little too soon, methinks. When you live with someone you learn a lot of things about them very quickly- and while its very easy to get caught up in the romance of it all, as the dishes and the bills mount up the relationship is often put under a lot of pressure... and if you're having doubts anyway, I'd say its definetely not a good idea. I've had a relationship that was ompletely fucked by going de-facto, and know a lot of people who've had a similar experience.

But don't let me put you off... if you feel that the relationship is strong enough to make it work then go for it....

[Beaker Fish]

When it feels right, it feels right. If you dont feel comfortable or you have too many issues then maybe it isnt the best idea.
Its the best way of finding out how suited you are to your partner if you do decide to move in.
Beaker Fish sends much luck to your relationship!

[Bella]

i gotta agree with feebs on this one... ive done it before & it was the biggest mistake I could have possibly made- moving in after less than a month of knowing someone..... maybe you should leave it for a couple of months & then see if you feel the same way. If you do, then go for it.... then again not all relationships are the same & you are the best judge of what is good for you!

bella :)

[alakaboo]

Too hardcore, girlfriend. Moving in can f**k everything up big style.

[Tristan]

Whats the rush?,I'd get to know the relationship a bit more

[Crazybob]

I'd definately give it a bit longer. Its not like you're missing out on anything if you don't move in, things can be as great as they have been, but spending 24/7 with someone is so much different from dating them.
Enjoy the feeling of wanting to see your boyfriend, rather than enjoying what little time will be spent apart if you move in together.

[bumpmek]

!My current boyfriend and i did a similar thing, we had only known each other for about a month, but it got serious really quick, and i had to move from where i was within a week, he suggested i move in with him as it wasn't enough time for me to sort myself out, so i did, that lasted about 6 months, we split for a month, i moved out got my own place and we got back together but were in our own places alone but we pretty much lived at each others houses for about 8 months then we moved back in together again! And all is happy!

But i think a bit more time not living together may benefit the relationship, but in the end it is your decision and you know what you'll end up doing anyways.... Basically it'll make you guys or break ya's.... if ya get my drift :p

[jayjay]

my gf is moving in at the end of the month about 5 months after we started dating.

my advice is this... if u "live" together well... not just have fun when u hang out but the times when u r doing absolutely nothing or doing the dishes or making dinner etc... if these times seem right and u actually have fun coz they r there then u r right to move in.

dont think that made much sense... some people r not compatable to live with. its just a fact but if ur general life (not dates or going out) is great together u should b sweet.

hope u get my drift :D

[Gregama]

hmmm, I let my current girlfriend move in too soon, after she got kicked out of her parents house. Not only did it put a huge strain on the relationship, I figured out after about 6 months of living with her, that I didn't want her there 24/7.

That was almost 18 months ago, and we are still together hanging by a thread (little does she know though... :|)
It can really put the strain on the relationship Ireckon

Does he fart in front of you ? Thats a good way to gauge if the relationship is ready to move onto the next level. And do you fart in front of him ? If you do in front of him, then go for gold.
You need to be completely comfortable with everything about your partner before you move in, if you ask me...

[Syk Syd]

couple of things u should consider b4 going ahead...

the way he lives & the way u live...
its paramount that u guys r compatable here.
i have had a few defactos,some great others well disaster seems to polite.i'm a bit of a slacker & use the where i left it filing system knowing that I will grab things from where i left them when i want them.some that chose to move in(not asked) saw this as untidy & would grab the things & put them else where then when i'd return to grab it tis nowhere to be seen! then i'd ask where its been placed only to find its been binned & then they have the audacity to complain about cleaning up after me...so basically wot i'm gettin @ is if he's a slacker & ur pedantic rocky roads are ahead..

I'm amazed that so many try to change anothers living habits once they have chosen to move in!

have a good think about it before as only u can decide for urself wots best BUT & i emphasise this Be completely honest with urself!
its so easy to get carried away with the excitement of hangin out most of the time,but its only when u live with someone that u discover all of their ways good & bad.I reckon plod along & take notice of the things he does compared to things u want & do ,weigh it up & if u think u can cope go for it, if ur thinkin if i can change this & that.. err u will be heading for disapointment.
sure its a give & take thing & nothing teaches like experience.
accepting things the way they are before u move in is a good way to start coz chances are it wont change....good luck

for me defacto & defacto then marriage has failed (but thats another story) however some of these have been the best times of my life & helped me find myself & love wot is essentially me!
i choose to live on my own...my space, my way...
Now my filing system works perfectly ;D

[dancingirl]

This is one that you've got to figure out for yourself. Only you will knw if it feels right!

My significant other & I made the move in together after four months. We were pretty much domesticated by that stage, well, as much as is possible when you're living in separate houses! It just felt right, and time has proven my initial suspicions correct - our lives are a lot less stressful and a lot more relaxed - there's no more, "shit, we're supposed to be at X in 15 minutes but I left my hairdryer/shoes/whatever at home," or, "shit, monday morning and I've been here all weekend, now have to dash home & get ready for work" type scenarios. Also, it has the added bonus of not having to put up with share house living.

Of course you have the "but I emptied the dishwasher the last 3 times," situations every now and then, but if you're in a happy healthy relationship then that stuff doesn't really matter - you compromise.

And don't let the age factor worry you - I'm 21, my man is 25. It matters nothing.

[bumpmek]

Originally posted by dancingirl
our lives are a lot less stressful and a lot more relaxed - there's no more, "shit, we're supposed to be at X in 15 minutes but I left my hairdryer/shoes/whatever at home," or, "shit, monday morning and I've been here all weekend, now have to dash home & get ready for work" type scenarios. And don't let the age factor worry you - I'm 21, my man is 25. It matters nothing.

Very true.... i hated forgetting clothes and shit like that when we lived apart, was a pain the ass....

And age is only a number i'm 22 and my b/f is 29.... age shouldn't come into play!8-)

[jabbajaws]

yeah, u have to know if its right. I did the move in thing awhile ago, for me it was a bad mistake, oooooh was it ever!
you must remember, that if u do move in then there are always going to be those little things that can become big things. Always keep your lines of comunication open and also give each other space, Hell! tell me there arn't those times where you wish your other would rack off just to give you some peace and quiet!
That relationship soured after a while and i havn't lived with anyone since. My girl keeps hinting about moving out from her perents joint but i'm not comfortable with her moving into my place at the mo.
Be sure it is love your moving into and not convenience of sex.
but you will know when the time comes.
JABBAJAWS

[Dbauch]

IMHO I think you have to work out exactly what you want out of the relationship... make sure you know what he wants out of the relationship.. you dont want to move in and then realise you or him have unrealistic expectations.

I cant say it enough... communicate! communicate! its better to know now then later that this person doesnt want the same things you do.. the important things anyway

[a_618allstarr]

Originally posted by dancingirl
Of course you have the "but I emptied the dishwasher the last 3 times," situations every now and then, but if you're in a happy healthy relationship then that stuff doesn't really matter - you compromise.
Heh... it's certainly not emptying the dishwasher that's the issue.

:-* :-* :-*:)

[Beegie]

You're not married. It's too soon in the eyes of the lord :p

[Dragonbeats]

Hey, you just need to have the right answer to a couple of questions, and I would expect you would know these off the top of your head.

a) does he need help with the bills?
b) is he keeping his options open with anyone else?
c) does he take you for granted?

if the answer to these is no then you probably should go for it!

Good luck!

[Jerry]

Does he fart in front of you ? Thats a good way to gauge if the relationship is ready to move onto the next level. And do you fart in front of him ? If you do in front of him, then go for gold.

So true ! Just make sure your house is airy, the spiced up Sunday Roasts are a bloody killer.

[Mellow D]

It's something that you need to seriously think about. I'm 19 and fell in love with my boyfriend (22) at first site (or so I thought) at a rave and spent everyday with him for the first two months. His parents didn't approve of me so then he moved in with me and my family. I've live out of home on and off since I was 14 so I know what it's like to move out with someone so we got out own place. It's actually our 5 months today and while I think so much of him I have to admit it was too soon. After getting to know the 'real' him I realise that we are not right for each other and it's doing us more harm than good living together.

Because we did everything so quickly we feel obliged to stick with it and try to work it out but it's not easy.
If it weren't for him working at a nightclub and not being home 5 out of 7 nights I think we would have had a messy break up by now.

Of course it may work out wicked for you but I'm just speaking from my own experience.

[lyric]

pooeez....you say that you bascially live at his house anyway...so you might as well move in....

but what you have now is the ability to escape back to your place for some time on your own...

when you move in with someone you lose that and it can be difficult to deal with....

but i also agree with everyone else that you are the only one who can know whether it is right or not...

best of luck :)

[macamahoozie]

I tend to think its a little bit too soon, but i'm over cautious about everything! I'm a big fan of keeping a firm grip on your independance, so i would say stick it out a little longer, suss out the man in question and his living habits and if itw worth the trouble of moving. I've moved around so much in the last few years :meh:

But if you think it'll work then give it a go. You only live once!:)

[sailormoon]

Two months isn't that long babe... why take a chance at ruining a great thing by rushing things?
It could go either way really, but i'd say if there isn't a major reason why you have to move, maybe leave it a few more months or so? Its always good to have somewhere to go when you need your own space, and everyone does.
But you've got my best wishes with what ever you choose! :)

[weazelsbuddy]

miss P,
Although I am no expert, I'd say follow your gut instinct.

Scared the Bjesus outta you..... that's probably a good indication that you are not ready for the level of committment needed here.
Also 2 months ain't a helluva long time, if you let things evolve a bit, then you can create a much stronger foundation on which to base a platform of cohabitation aaaand you get a bit of a buffer from the three month itch when the relationship gets that make or break rough patch......

Either way.... enjoy your love! It a bewdiful place to be!

:) :)

[CandyRaver]

Yeah, pretty much what everybody else said :

It'd be way to early for me, but sure, do it if you have somewhere to go to if it doesn't work.

Don't get suckered into paying the $800 bond or so, because you'll find that if it doesn't work out, you may well end up not being able to get any of your $ back.

[Pooeez]

I'd like to give everyone a BIG thankyou!!! For taking the time to respond and for letting me in on your learned wisdom, we've decided to see how we go in a couple of months, and then decide but I'm really glad that i saw several sides to the story, and collaborating because some of you guys came out with stuff I'd never contemplated, and I've been over-analysing this for days!!!
thanks so much guys this just proves that PLUR thing for me!!;D ;) :-D 8-)