Friends and relationships

[miss apple]

I was having a discussion with a good friend of mine the other day about what happens to friendships once you become part of a couple.

We all know that as soon as people get into a new relationship, inevitably the friends come a far and distant second. Which is fair enough really...the relationship is all new and fabulous and exciting. 6 months down the track and the couple are so ingrained in each other's lives that you never hear from them let alone see them. Then as soon as the partner goes on holidays or some such thing, we get a phone call out of the blue to 'catch up'...which we do cause we're friends.

So anyway I was having a bit of a whinge about a friend of mine who's done exactly this. My friend replies by saying that when you're in a relationship you need to spend time nurturing that relationship...you need to put your partner first and concentrate on making it work because you might be with this person for the rest of your lives. Friends come a far second in comparison. I told him understand this. But I said it was all about balance...and you can't expect your friends to stay friends much longer if you don't spend at least some time nurturing your friendships as well as your relationship.

I was told in reply that I didn't really understand because I hadn't been in a relationship for a while. X( Like that devalues my opinion or something.

Anyway...just curious as to what you guys think about it.

[cheeky half]

/Biting my tongue so hard I think you can see the blood oozing from my avatar! :P

[unscarred]

I have had a few friends disappear from sight when their r/l starts and some just keep on going like nothing happening, which is great.

I think the friend who is in the relationship should make a bit more effort when it comes to doing things though as you can only ring that person so many times to find out they are busy doing "couple" things, so i end up saying that i'm waiting for you, you know im always ready to go out, just say when.

it's annoying as hell, but what can ya do ? not like i'd go bust them up or anything .... *lightbulb* !!!

heh heh heh.

[palu]

Friends shouldn't come second. You dont realise how much you need your friends until u lose them. Take for instance if you broke up with your partner, the first people you would turn to are your friends. I hate the whole "yeah, but now we're a couple, i have to spend more time with him/her" argument. As you said, you have to keep it balanced otherwise friendships or relationships will suffer.

[Sabishii]

I so know that feeling! It's come to the crunch for a few of my mates in that way...

One particular "friend" I confronted about this type of situation gave me a similar reply to what you got, only it was something along the lines of "just because you aint happy doesnt mean we can't be" blah blah. All I wanted was one fcuking outing with my mate without him there dry screwing her in front of me when they both got gacked! Gah!

I didn't have any issues with the guy, however he had major jealousy/possessiveness issues - hinting that I was a floozy, not good company if she and I were to go out by ourselves! Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a tart by any means, I just like to meet new people and have a chat.

Thats why I really missed having the girly gossipy times we had before she got attached. I was going through a LOT of shit at the time, had stuff happening that I couldnt talk about with him present as I'd only known him a couple of months. It hurt me deeply that she couldnt be there for me, especially when I dropped everything that was happening in my life to support her when she went through crisis as any good friend should do...

Relationships take time, patience, understanding etc etc to grow and develop, but you still gotta take time out to nurture your friendships as well. Looking back on it, all it would have taken to save my friendships with the mates concerned was a couple of "girls nights" without the partner.

True, it may become harder to organise your time and energy around a r/ship for other people, but if you value your friends you find it - no excuses. After all, they are the shoulder you cry on when a r/ship falls through right? Miss Apple, there are some situations and people we are better off without in our lives, and having friends taking you for granted is one of em! Screw her!

Lots o luv
Sabishii

;D

[bumba]

What a load of crap.....well,no...not really,its just a difference of opinion.

Some people just have different priorities,and if u have a friend who cant put u,not first,but on an equal level with their significant other...well,if thats what u need,then go after it...u know what i mean?

Im not making sense,im tired (and watching the South Park movie out of the corner of me eye) :D

OK,in a relationship,people have certain criteria,they want to be treated in a certain way...same with friendships.U want friends who arent gonna dump u for their other,and so u should! So tell them,"we're supposed to be friends,im not too happy about this,can u be a little more considerate of that,il do my bit as well,and then we'll be happy"

And if they cant do that....well,u tried,and u stood up for what u want,and u know what u expect from the next friend,and that ur not gonna settle for crap.

I personally dont think relationships should be no.1,or work,or friends...there should be an equal mix of all ur interests (if possible) If someone tried to demand all of my friend time,or reading time,or family time...i wouldnt be sticking around for long!

Wasnt always like that tho,my first b'friend...we were so wrapped up in each other,i neglected some friends,yada yada yada.....but i WAS 15 :p

But now.......Opaline is checking out Reason with Tardis as we speak,and thats cool! I went to Altitude with Lakiita,and he was cool.Im going to (god i cant remember!) tomorrow night,and SC sat night,and he'll be there for both which is gr8,but if he wasnt.....and its good this way :D

I wouldnt want to be totally dependent on him,and i wouldnt want to be taking up his friend time...i feel bad enough when Tardis sits in the back seat! :lol:

[bumba]

oh,and this part here:

I was told in reply that I didn't really understand because I hadn't been in a relationship for a while.

thats fcuked......u know how to treat friends,doesnt matter if youve been part of a couple or not.

[miss apple]

Originally posted by bumba
oh,and this part here:

thats fcuked......u know how to treat friends,doesnt matter if youve been part of a couple or not.

that's pretty much what I told him in reply bumba...word for word :lol:

[bigbubba]

X( X( X(

[Chookie]

I think it sux when this happens, however I am guilty!!!

I seem to be in this vicious cycle of depending on my partner and spending all my time with them!

I have now just realised that I need to be independant and go out with my friends and spend time with firiends.
It's just taken me til now to realise this, but I guess it's better late than never!

[feeble]

Been guilty of this a few times... it gets difficult when you're living with your partner. There's a tendency to get caught up in that weird little two-person world that de-facto relationships can create... its not a deliberate thing.

But the one thing I've learnt is that when it all falls to shit, your friends are the ones who'll be sitting there pouring you drinks and helping you pick up the pieces. They're the ones that matter, in the end

Thankfully I have great, understanding friends who are willing to forgive me for the poor effort I've put into the friendship at times. And thank god for that.

[krafty_x]

• REAL friendship isn't about you.
• It isn't about selfishness.
• It isn't about expektations.
• It isn't about making 'time' a faktor.

My best friends are like my family.

I will go for long periods over the years without seeing some of them as they kouple or I kouple. What makes them my friends is the fakt that these things don't matter.

Sulking okkasionally and gently (or not so gently in my kase sometimes) reminding them that you miss them and don't see enough of them is kewl but at the end of the day I know what they are up to and am never really phased by their retreat into a land that they are klearly enjoying and am basikally joking when I hassle them.

My highest priority for my friends is that they be happy and if that means I don't get to see them as much so be it. They are happy and that makes me glow inside knowing that.

Real friends don't take effort. They don't drain your time and energy. It's all about living komfotably with the knowledge that people you put in the kategory of real friends will love you know matter how much time and distance komes between you.

As we get older we will see less and less of our friends regularly as life changes out paths and takes us on new journeys.

I suggest you a) relax and b) get used to it.

Life's hard enough without your friends putting demands on you when you just kwite simply love them.

k_x oxo



8-)

[krafty_x]

/me apologizes for the verbosity of this post but I have the best friends a girl kould EVER ask for.

I feel utterly blessed in this life to have found these people.

I kan wake up every day knowing they love me unkonditionally.

They are the kind of friends that would sit in the jail cell with me. Kry with me. Laff with me. Watch me have relationships. Miss me when I'm gone. Pick up the pieces when it fails.

k_x oxo

PS. I love you Spokes'n'dokes... I feel all mushy now.

8-)

[SpaceMonkey]

Originally posted by palu
Friends shouldn't come second. You dont realise how much you need your friends until u lose them. Take for instance if you broke up with your partner, the first people you would turn to are your friends. I hate the whole "yeah, but now we're a couple, i have to spend more time with him/her" argument. As you said, you have to keep it balanced otherwise friendships or relationships will suffer.
Tru dat. And the person who gets hurt the most out of it in the end is usually the one in the relationship.
I have a freind who got together with a girl a couple of years ago and promptly stopped going out with his mates or coming to our parties etc. He bought a new apartment and she moved in with him, and we rarely saw much of either of them. In the meantime several of his good freinds moved away from NZ, and I decided to move to Sydney. Then about a month before I was due to leave she left him (ironically because she wanted to go out partying a bit more and all he did was stay at home). She moved out and took half the furniture, and he found himself left by himself in his apartment, most of his mates had already left the country, and I was about to as well. I really felt sorry for him, and he realised he should've paid more attention to his friends but it was too late by that time.

[Chick]

I think it's selfish to reject friends altogether but then like any change in life (change of job, location, etc) it's inevitable that you'll lose or at least grow apart from some friends.
Like anything, you should always be there for 'real' friends and if you're too blind to see this then you only end up hurting yourself.

Miss Apple, it is truely horrible being patronised because you're single - I copped it for many years. Whether you're single or in a relationship it doesn't alter your understanding of human compasion, respect and decency.

[FunkStu]

People who lose sight of their friends as soon as they get into a relationship usually end up with a sick and broken relationship.

The best advice I ever got from a very successfully married woman was:

"The secret to a successful relationship is to make sure you maintain your life outside the relationship"

Failure to do this gives a relationship with an unhealthy level of co-dependence which eventually ends in both parties getting sick of each other, one party feeling that they are "carrying" the other (unfortunately, often the guy) and an utter inability to function in a social capacity outside of being a couple.

Taking time apart to be with friends is healthy in the sense that it not only ensures that you maintain social relationships with a broad range of people who are close to you as well as ensuring that your intimate relationship stays fresh and avoids co-dependence.

Your friend is talking shit.

[giraffe]

Its always a tough one and after getting way too caught in a relationship and feeling trapped because

a) I had moved countrys
b) Met him when I first moved here
c) His friends were "our" friends

It left me with a horrid situation when I broke up with him, I broke up with "our" friends, who were really his friends and his family and I was left with me and I thought only me.

It meant I stayed in a relationship that I wasn't happy in for a lot longer than was healthy because I was scared of being a nigel no mates.

At the time I didn't realise that the people who were my friends (ones I met on my own) were actually true friends but I hadn't put enough value on them.

I left the relationship, and his family and "our" friends and tried not to look back.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I see it from both sides I see it from the perspective where you get yourself too tightly into a relationship and you forget to develop your own lives, and I see friends fall in love and I let them breathe in their new relationship and live it because I know if they are a real friend we'll still be friends no matter who they are in love with.

Its hard to always maintain your perspective when you are in love with someone but the lesson I learnt from that relationship is one that will stick with me.

True friends rock.

[Jock_Stansfield]

:lol: @ k_x not so gently sulking. Nice nice. Krafty's idea of not so gently sulking = nearly beating the living daylights out of me one night coz someone else pee'd her off.

But that was cool with me... I still stood there, and risked my life just so I could give her a hug when she was done nearly beating the living daylights out of me just so I could see her smile and not spoil her night. And she did. And that is what being friends is all about...

And just touching on the relationship over friendship issue... Doesn't a friendship = a relationship? Just because you may not necessarily be intimately involved, doesn't mean that it isn't a relationship!!! So why wouldn't you nurture every relationship?

Jock_S

[Jerry]

Originally posted by krafty_x
[COLOR=deeppinkAs we get older we will see less and less of our friends regularly as life changes out paths and takes us on new journeys.

[/COLOR]

8-)

Beautifully said, it is a sad fact of life and getting older, all my good mates from my younger days are still there. We all still do see each other but not as often as we used too as we all have our seperate lives to live. I think it also comes down to how close you live to your friends. I live in the inner west and the closest any of my friends lives is epping so they just can't pop in like it was when we all lived in two or three suburbs that were next to each other.

I was actually watching a movie last night that deals with these things and friends moving on. It's called Big Wednesday it's a great 1970's surfing movie.

[krafty_x]

:blush: :blush: :blush:

@ at Jock.

Well I was suffering from some serious post traumatik stress at the time.

:lol:

...and ure right. A m8 does that for a m8. Eternal thanx but I knew you was kewl. 8-)

The person in kwestion turned out to not be someone I would konsider as a true friend though. Maybe I pick low maintenance friends. *shrug*

Tis a tricky one really with a lot of psych babble involved.

I'm also not saying here that friends should forget their friends when a relationship happens. It is a fakt of life that often you see them less. I guess I just don't kwestion the fakt that my m8's love me.

k_x oxo

8-)

[Jock_Stansfield]

No prob krafty one! 8-)

Ima see you at Wiggle on Saturday night and we can have a Wiggle together and bust a move on the dancefloor!

;)

/me gets the paintball gun ready...

Jock_S

[krafty_x]

You betcha booty shakin bottom dolla Jock.

k_wiggles wif veeee and the gang_x oxo

8-)

[SPOKEYDOKEY]

awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

i love you so much krafty, you is such a kwality-with-bumpmeks'-k-friend ;D

[bella boo]

Friends shouldn't come second. I learnt this the hard way. After 4 years of been with the one guy (who I even got engaged too, OMG, I dunno what I was thinking!), I just somehow lost track of my friends.

After hunting them down and 'catching up', I've realised that you don't dessert your friends, even if it is a new and budding relationship, and they weren't there when I really needed them most.

So after my experience, I think balance is the only way to go. Yeah, spend time nuturing your relationship (because you do have to 'make' it work), but also nuture your friendships as well, because if 'the one' really isn't the one, then you're going to kicking yourself.

[Lambretta]

I agree 100% with Funkstu.

When I met Mrs Lamb the temptation was there to immerse ourselves in our own little world and to ignore everyone else.

But I knew that my friends were very important to me so I took the time and made the effort to cultivate the friendships.
If you neglect something, eventually it will die.

One of the reasons Mrs Lamb & I have such a strong and healthy relationship is because not only do we do things together, but we also have our seperate interests.

I have seen first hand what happens to your close friends if the relationships are neglected. My best mates in the world live in Surrey and Glasgow and as such it's extremely hard to maintain those relationships. When we do get together, once every year or two, we can reminisce about the old times, but we have nothing topical to talk about because we're not involved with each other.
You notice the difference and it hurts. We understand why it's happened, but it still hurts. Same for my family really.

Love your partner, but remember your friends and make sure they remember you. Don't throw away good friends because they're so hard to find. Trust someone who knows.

[Lakiita_]

ooooh one of my fav topics and i have to say i am heartily reassured to see that most ppl see the danger in co-dependancy

call me jaded but i'm of the opinion that its the very very rare and exceptional relationship that lasts therefore anyone who puts the relationship 'first' is in for a rude shock one day

life is all about equal amounts of everything and trying to maintain balance but I know that noone's perfect and we all occasionally make the mistake of losing our focus and our balance

as the eternally single one amongst my group of friends I TRY to not get pissed off when i'm ignored and then suddenly relegated to best friend status again.............everyone makes mistakes but a friend that does it to me over and over doesn't stay a close friend its just not possible.

have to say Bumba that you've never once neglected me in any way or even made me vaguely pissy and you and opaline are soooo cute together so the balance can be found - just takes a bit more work!!!

when i see co-dependancy my skin crawls - i can't help it - all i can see is the upcoming nervous breakdown when the relationship ends

[katiepie]

Again I agree with Funkstu (except the part about the guy always carrying the girl):lol:

But in my experience boyfriends will come & go, but the friendships I have in my life today are gold & I would'nt ever be putting my boyfriend B4 my buddies.

My friends are what help me get through the rough patches life throws at me, I agree its all about the balance, guess your lucky if you find someone who is willing to be your friend & your partner,
then you've got it made!

Hang in there wid da friendship, keep up the honesty about how feel, cause if you dont tell them how will they know?

[Cales405]

Shouldn't this work both ways. Having a relationship should not hurt a friendship and also the friend should understand that the person is in a relationship too and things will change, just as if someone has children.

Whilst I am in a serious relationship, my girlfriend has different interests to my friends but I have common interests to my friends, but also different to their's which are common to my girlfriends interests. If you can understand what i mean.

When I was single I use to go out weekly, drinking, partying, listening to music and it was always with my friends. Now I have a girlfriend I don't go out with them as much as I use to, but should I be expected to.

Then again, I don't neglect my friends by not being in contact with them. I still ring my closest friends regularly to see what is happenning in their lives, but I don't see them that often and it hasn't changed our friendships.

As Krafty said when you get older, situations in peoples lives do change. When I am married with children, paying off a mortgage, am I expected to be regularly meeting with my mates, when I have millions of bills and I can't afford it, to maintain a good relationship with them. If that is what friendship is about, I think it's bullshit.

On the other hand, if people who get into relationships forget all about their friends completely, by not keeping contact at all, well honestly, they are not really good friends IMO.

When I was 21, I had millions of friends who I regularly met, drank with, just lazed about with and I thouht that this was great. Now I am much older and wiser I only have a close handful of friends which understand my position and understand that my girlfriend is my best friend.

I am sorry if people don't agree with me, but I would stick my neck out much further for my girlfriend than any of my friends. Some people sound jealous as they think that peoples partners are getting "favourtism", which was a much loved word used by children with brothers or sisters. My girlfriend (soon to be wife), is now like my close family, although I see my close friends as family too, they too one day will have their own lives to lead.

It is much like having a child. Once they get to certain age, you have to let them go, as they will never be children forever, just like people aren't going to be young forever. Just because I don't speak to my mother on the phone every week and I don't see her all the time, doesn't mean that I don't love her and that unconditional love from her won't change the friendship between us either, just like it shouldn't with true friends as there should be that unconditional love with true friends and if there isn't they won't be around for long.

[Lakiita_]

i always expect a friendship to change once my friends are in a relationship

BUT there's a difference between things changing and not going out as much

and not going out AT ALL or only every 2 or 3 mths

or only going somewhere if the partner goes as well

i figure if you're seeing him/her every day then surely one day a fortnight for me isn't too much to ask

not that i keep count of days or anything i'm just using that as an example

but if a 'friend' ditches me completely every time they get a man i always figure that we obviously weren't as close as i thought anyway and my expectations change.............I couldn't care less if i see less of my non-close friends...........that's why we're not close ;D ;D ;)

[bumba]

aaaaaaawwwwwwww Lakiita!!! ;D :~( ;D

[Pick a Vein]

Originally posted by krafty_x


My best friends are like my family.





8-)


Bingo beggo....so damn true. My best friend got married last week. We are like brothers. We will be friends til the day we die. My mum basically considers him like another son. All in all, my friends are my family.

[parko]

hrm.. my good mate starting seeing a girl.. now i am best friends with her too :) its good!

parko

it must of been the gurning we all shared! :)

[Classy Chick]

Alot of my friends say good bye to me when they get there boys yer It hurts but I get over it..

But my best mate since school is now engaged she has been for just over a year and her boy and I get along so well. Tis great!

:blush:

[calis]

its dangerous when couples go into 'shutdown' mode. that is, they're only interested in staying home all the time and seem to shutdown social relations.

i've seen friends do it, and either they emerge from the cocoon 5 months later because they miss their friends and then break up because they can't handle maintaining each other AND friends. i've seen other friends disappear and only emerge to hold a small engagement party at their home a year later.

i belong to the class of thought that if personx detracts negatively you from your friends, then the relationship is not healthy. if a girlfriend doesn't socialising with the majority of my friends, there is a big neon sign flashing 'danger danger!' to me ..because my friends reflect my personality. if she doesn't like my friends, it means she doesn't really like who i am.

you have to set your priorities. a past gf of mine said to me on the first night we met 'in the short term you will have to fit in around the time i normally spend with my friends, because i've known them for years and respectfully i've only just met you'. i really loved that she said that upfront cos i felt the same way.

basically, ensure you set your priorities on the friends who have been with you for years, and not on the 'new person on the block'. those friends will be there to look after you if you break up with the 'new person', and well into the future. :)

apologies for the long post.

[borrisGLOWSTICK]

what i cant stand is when my freinds and i agree to have a guys night out or in and one of my freinds always brings his g/f no matter what,we have said to him"look tonights gonna be just us guys like before we all got hooked up" but without fail whenever he comes around she is there aswell and he says something to the effect of"ohh sorry i forgot,but its ok shes like one of the guys anyway right?"

this pretty much wrecks the night as relationship freind comes out and just kills it all.its gotten to the stage when we dont always call him now.its just a downer when a freind trys to bring a partner into an already tight group of freinds

is all

[hoshie]

friends usually last longer then gf/bf's, so you definately need to have some 'friend' time as well!

ive been in a similar situation lately, although not because of a relationship. due to high workloads i havent seen some of my friends as much as id like to, and its turned out that two of my best mates in the world arent my best mates anymore :|

like most things, its all a balancing act

[Kristi]

Its not THAT hard being with both at the same time..............

[N4TE]

oh, need me, want me, validate me. ... you lovebirds make me sick. I spit on your relationships ; hooiiiik.. grubsnorthockhack hoik, hooooiiik- pah-tooh!

Someone clean that up before it evolves.

[Steph]

recently divorced N4TE?:p

[SPOKEYDOKEY]

but n4te, without you we're nothing ;)

[Cales405]

If there are rules, regulations and expectations involved with your friendships, then I don't believe they are true friendships. True friends don't need to be around each other all the time and will still be the same friends if they talk to each other after many years of not seeing each other.

Take a look at most parents as a lot of them (not all of them)won't see their friends ALL the time as it sounds like people here expect, as they all have their responsibilities in their own lives. People just grow up and have new responsibilites, so I think that the jealousy should be tamed down a little.

[N4TE]

can't type, bonking.

[SPOKEYDOKEY]

no typos, you must be doing it wrong ;D

[miss apple]

Originally posted by borrisGLOWSTICK
this pretty much wrecks the night as relationship freind comes out and just kills it all.its gotten to the stage when we dont always call him now.its just a downer when a freind trys to bring a partner into an already tight group of freinds

I can totally understand what you're saying and definitely agree with you. however it's also pretty important when I'm in a relationship for me to feel like I'm accepted by my boyfriend's friends. If I'm supposed to be his 'best friend' then I should be able to get on with and spend time with his friends too. it's frustrating when you're just seen as 'the boring girlfriend' instead of as part of the group.

anyway....if the boyfriend is in love with me there's no reason why he'd need to do anything on a boys night out that I wouldn't be allowed to witness. or maybe I just don't understand the importance of male bonding sessions. ;)

[N4TE]

Originally posted by miss apple


anyway....if the boyfriend is in love with me there's no reason why he'd need to do anything on a boys night out that I wouldn't be allowed to witness

Emotional blackmail from the terminaly insecure is just so attractive. Is it hard going through life sounding like a quote out of Cleo?

[easeback]

Originally posted by SPOKEYDOKEY
no typos, you must be doing it wrong ;D

:lol: :lol:

[djbobbit]

Hmm, sometimes I seem to have the opposite problem

not enough time with the new g/f, maybe because Im scared of risking losing friends because i HAVE seen it happen so many times before to other people

[markeee]

one friend leaves... another friend comes along!

;D

[miss muffett]

Originally posted by miss apple

I was told in reply that I didn't really understand because I hadn't been in a relationship for a while.

That is utter bullshit Miss A, not being in a relationship doesn't affect your perspective one little bit. That's just their assumed 'superiority' from being in a relationship asserting itself, and, like I said, is bullshit.

Originally posted by borrisGLOWSTICK

this pretty much wrecks the night as relationship freind comes out and just kills it all.

I reckon this isn't true either. Most (not all) of my clubbing friends are couples, and this doesn't bother me in the slightest, or affect my enjoyment of my night out. Why is your friend different when his girlfriend is around? Surely if they're your friend they'd have good taste and you'd get on with the girlfriend?

To me, if you can't find someone who gets on with your friends, the relationship just isn't worth the bother. What's more important? I don't think it's selfish to want it all.

Balance is important. I don't expect to be forgotten by my friends, I want to be involved (not like that ;) ), and share their joy with them. I certainly wouldn't leave my friends out, and I never have been and never will be joined at the hip with a boy, because I'm capable of being independent as well as attached, which is an important balance in any relationship.

my 50 cents worth anyway 8-)

[clonex]

Couple of the guys in our group do that, they sorta dissapear with their g/f, one of the guys just does it all the time, he never comes out with us, but if he does then they usually leave early cause she might not like it,

but yeah as soon as his gf goes somewhere, eg other city, he's coming out with us straight away, plus we rarely see him at all, and if he does come out it's always with the chicks around, it's never the guys nite out anymore or if it is a few guys are missing so it's not the whole gang.

we refer to it as pussy whipped...

or the the pussy whipped ones call it "compromise" which they obviously been listening to their gf's for a while and they will start using the word too.

[mr_wryt]

It's all been said reALly...

I'm with u Ms Apple...just cos you're the long-term single doesn't mean you know any less...in fact, from my experience, being single has given me a better perspective on it...well, at least a less emotionALly biased one...

However, when my close mates start seeing someone new I just accept the fact that there's someone else I gotta share them with...

I'm with hoshie, work takes up a large amount of time...resulting in not catching up with my friends as often as I'd like...and severly limiting the possibility of getting a g/friend either...

All u can do is try n make the effort and hope that:
a) your friends understand
b) are honest and open with you and tell u when you're slippin

:) :meh: :)