Is it ever a good idea to get back with your ex?

[mitch]

My ex seems very keen to get back together, and I’m not sure what to do. We parted on amicable terms, and have remained friends (to a point) ever since we split,which was a while ago now.

I still like him quite a bit, and although I’ve had a few flings, there isn’t anyone around that I’m serious about. But I’m also quite happy to be by myself and fool around for now, it’s quite liberating.

He bought me a ticket to Ritchie Hawton on Wednesday night, and wants me to go to as a sign of whether I’m interested or not.

I'm pretty uncertain about the whole idea. Is it a good idea to get back with ex's or should the past just be left well alone :?

[giraffe]

I suppose it's the old "there is a reason why you broke up", what was that reason?

If the reason is still clear to you why you broke up and decided not to be together then really you shouldn't rehash.

But if on the other hand you have grown or things have changed then its not the worst idea ever to get back together.

Although from what you wrote it really doesn't strike me that you want to get back with him - it appears that you would get back with him because well there's no-one else that you are more interested in. Now, that to me seems like not a good reason to get back together.

I've never really got back with an ex - sure I've got back into bed with them but that was a huge mistake - in my case and made things alot worse. Only you know whats in your heart and if the heart is resistant then its not normally a good idea.

I do believe I'm probably not making sense.

[Esteban]

did he get a penal enhancement? :p

To get back with an ex you have to BOTH really want to, otherwise you'll just get in and resent each other for an unfulfilling or unbalanced relationship. I've seen too many friends who stay in a relationship becos they basically get guilt tripped into it.

Be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! 8-)


[The correct term is 'penile'. MM ]

[mitch]

:lol:

No, no penal enhancement. Just a nice guy who I still get along with really well. Mind you , I do love the freedom, but we were together for a long time and I miss him as well.

It seems like a decision that I can get no perspective on.

[B Ja]

I got back with my ex and we are happier and stronger than ever.
It was something that we both really wanted but it seems to me as if it's not something you really want, it sounds like you just want a relationship with someone, and he is the easiest option.

[fUnKy1]

It all depends on the reason why you broke up. Some break-ups can be rebuilt - say, if you both wanted different things, or were a little less mature at the time. Perhaps later on down the track may well be the "right time" for that relationship to work. I believe there is a "right person" out there, but it most definitely has to be the "right time" too.

There are other reason too, external factors or whatever - or maybe being apart from someone makes you realise how much you really wanted them in the first place. Or, sometimes you need to get back with them, to end it properly (that one's a bit hard to explain, but i guess i'm thinking that you may have doubts being split up, but getting back together may confirm for you why that person isn't right for you - but be careful with that one, it's not very fair on the guy).

But you really have to think carefully. Don't do the whole "it'll be dfferent this time" if there are problems that will still exist next time around. If there were personality clashes or whatever, no matter how much you think they "weren't so bad", they were! Otherwise you wouldn't have broke up at all.

I once broke up with someone who then BEGGED me to take him back. I wasn't overly in love with the guy, and was happy to move on, but i caved and gave it another go. I thought that all the little things i didn't like about him were not that bad, and he's a nice guy, i'll learn to love him rah rah rah. The get-back-together lasted 2 days. He immediatly bothered me in the EXACT same way, and i found myself wanting to split for the very same reasons as the first time. And trust me, it's a lot harder the second time around, and i felt so bad.

But ultimately mitch, it's your decision. Follow your heart or your brain (or whatever it is that drives you). Advice helps sometimes, but really it's your decision. And if you give it the right amount of thought, you'll find the answer i'm sure.

Also, you may end up regretting it if you do get back together, but you also may regret not giving it another go. So don't let fear of regret shape your decision.

f1

[mitch]

Thanks funky1, that's very sound and well considered advice. And you're right, it's hard to give and receive advice on issues such as this.

I think I'll just end up going with what my heart tells me. He's a very special guy, and we have a real connection, but I have to weigh that up with the reality of the situation (all the past that's involved), and where I'm placed at the moment.

:|

[krafty_x]

It amazes me the way people word relationship oriented kwestions on here as though they are science experiments with absolutely defineable answers. Like 'Does oil mix with water?'

So my answer to 'Is it ever a good idea to get back with your ex?' is 'Maybe, sometimes yes, sometimes no.'

It depends on so many things but most of it depends on whether YOU want to.

k_x oxo

8-)

[disgruntledgoat]

ring that psychic thats on nova (i think?) on monday nights...she'll tell you what to do...

[Lambretta]

If you have to ask the question the answer is no.

Is "I think he's alright and we get on ok" a great premise for a relationship? Personally, I don't think so.

If you were burning to see him and couldn't stop thinking about him and were making excuses just to see every week then sure the desire is there, but "he wants to so should I?" isn't exactly the greatest foundation for a long lasting relationship.

Tell him you want to remain friends and who knows the desire may build from a strong mutual respect, but if it hasn't done already, it's hardly likely to is it??

In the end though, you'll know in your heart if it's right for you or not.

Cheers, Uncle Lamby :)

[Minxie]

No no no no no no no

Not ever

You broke up for a reason the first time round :-O :-0 :-D

[Classy Chick]

Originally posted by Lambretta
If you have to ask the question the answer is no.




I agree.

You did break up for a reason the first time. what ever that reason may be it didnt work out..

But at the end of the day it is your decision. You will just need to try and make the right one for you! :blush:

[B Ja]

True minxie, But....

What if the reason you broke up is because you both needed to grow up a little and in the time apart you both grew up a lot??


obviously this is what happened in my case

[Chick]

Originally posted by Minxie
No no no no no no no

Not ever

You broke up for a reason the first time round :-O :-0 :-D


I strongly disagree Minxie, every situation is different and black & white rules don't work in real life. Re-building relationships can work, it's a matter of learning from the reason you broke up.

[gorecki]

bad idea!!
unless u feel you've both matured over the yrs
+ now avoid the follies of youth
it's good though tat u're still friends
sometimes it's just better that way

[snoochie]

from my experience...no

and slipping up (no pun intended) and sleeping with the ex is a bit of a brain fuck as well.

I'm of the opinion that there is a reason it didn't work the first time.. so why would it work the next time around?

Mind u, every situation is different and it also depends on the reasons you broke up.

If trust was an issue..I strongly suggest not getting back together..because I know on my part its not something that I could just forget about and move on with.

:meh:

[Griggle]

You guys and your rules for relationships crack me up.

You can't go out with a friends ex. You can't go out with your ex. You can't go out with someone you just met's ex. You can't go out with the pet store attendants best friends ex. When does this end?

Maybe a bit overboard but seriously what is this all about? The whole friends ex thing mystified me. I don't place any requirements on my friends. I enjoy their company and hope they enjoy mine. I don't own any of my ex's. I hope my friends will be happy and if that means going out with one of my exe's that's fine.

Now we have a rule you can't go out with an ex simply because they are an ex. People change, people make mistakes, people learn from them.

Shit following these rules, I'm either gonna have to find girls who haven't had a boyfriend ever due to religious reasons or start dating 16 year olds. Please continue the Dear Cosmo advice it's cracking me up.

[sodastream]

I would also have to say no. There was a saying when i was living in a share house which was... 'no sniffing around the carcass'. Its good advice. When you start going out with someone you want all that stuff you get when its someone new. The excitement, the mystery, etc etc... How is that going to work when you have been out with them before. Its sounds like you are quite cool with the way things are so i would say just leave it as is...

And richie hawtin tix is definitely not a knock back situation... what an awesome prezzie.

[fUnKy1]

No one's talking about rules, griggle. Some people just believe (perhaps based on their own experiences) that it may not work out with an ex. I tend to disagree because i believe there are different circumstances in each relationship/break-up, so there is no knowing whether it will work or not, doesn't mean their adcie or experiences are "wrong" though.

No need to condescend - people are just trying to help. Someone asked for advice, and that's what they're getting...

Oh, and i wouldn't go out with a friends ex - it's disrespectful to that friend and their feelings for the guy. It's a loyalty issue. Each to their own though, there are no "rules" remember ;)

f1

[snoochie]

Since when have sharing personal experience and given some harmless advice been about making rules griggle?

okay some people who stated a firm NO NO NO NO NO! was a tad overboard but the majority of comments here have suggested that it's a personal/individual/situational thing.

I know nothing about all these other arguments with the whole not seeing someone elses ex thing...so I'm steering clear of that one.

:p

[Griggle]

Sorry I wasn't trying to be mean. I just thought it was funny that based on the advice given over several threads I'm gonna have to remain a bachelor the rest of my life.

A lot of the answers seemed a bit black and white. Lambretta's advice is pretty much what I would have said. Most of the time when people ask a question like that, they already know the answer, they are just looking for confirmation.

Personally all's fair in Love and War.

[mitch]

Griggle, you’re right, there shouldn’t be rules with these kind of things, they should depend on the individual situation. The reason I asked was not so much to confirm my own view. It was more of an attempt to gain some perspective to a personal problem.

Sometimes with personal problems you’re too close to them to be able to make rational judgements, which was why I was asking the question generally. I was trying to get some distance between me and the problem so I could get some clarity.

And it has helped, so thanks everyone for giving me your opinion on it.

[hmiller72]

I would do it only as a fuck buddy, once you have broken up, despite the fact that you still love them you are not in love with them cause wounds heal as scar tissue. You would be a fool to re-expose that vunerable side to a person who was callous with it before...I feel for your boy as he obviously wore your need to explore other options, If I was him I would use you to get my rocks off and just be special friends with the option to break when a more suitable person entered my life....but he is obviously still smitten and you're fairly indifferent so for his sake convey that, and see if he is still serious when you are not, if he still wants to play ball after that let the repercussions be on his own head.

[feeble]

All situations are different, but my advice is...



NOOOOOOOOO!!! DON'T DO IT!!!

There's a chance you broke up for a good reason. Keep that in mind.

Oh and hmiller, re: fucking the ex... it gets messy. Too many strings attached and all that jazz. Even if the sex is kinda awesome... that's the thing about exes, they know which buttons to push. *sigh*

[SPOKEYDOKEY]

yes

[hmiller72]

Originally posted by feeble
All situations are different, but my advice is...


Oh and hmiller, re: fucking the ex... it gets messy. Too many strings attached and all that jazz. Even if the sex is kinda awesome... that's the thing about exes, they know which buttons to push. *sigh*

This is the case if one party is still IN love, which unfortunately is most often the case...bring on new experiences and fleshy frontiers I say!

[Chookie]

Sounds to me like you would be better off staying friends!
Stay single for a while, I wish I had some time in my life where I was single! I have been for about 6 months since I was 13, trust me you should take the opportunity, and don't look for anyone, just enjoy your own company!

[space_kitty]

..never, nope, I don't think so, nup..
"Past" is the past for a reason... move forward never back...

I think that if things were meant to have worked with X's they would have generally...

If you're enjoying being single, then stay that way til the *next* person on your journey comes along :):)

[bella boo]

You guys broke up for a reason.......

Never get back with an ex....I learnt that the hard way!!

I was with my ex for 4 years, on and off in that time mind you, I kept taking him back, but he kept cheating (his brain's in his pants, not his head). After 3 years, and showing just a bit of change (which was all an act), I took him back. He proposed, I said yes, 9 months later he did it all over again.

I'm not taking him back, not even if I got paid for it.

If you're happy with the freedom you have, stick with it. You're not young forever.

If you wanted to stay with him, at the time of your 'breaking-up', problems should have been solved. But you did break up, don't let him pull nice tricks on you so you'll take him back!!!

If you're happy been friends with this guy, stay friends.

Anyway, hope this all made sense to you....good luck with whatever your decision doll.......

[katiepie]

Look up the meaning of INSANITY in the dictionary, you might be suprised.....

Im not that great at relationships, but I know what its like to be torn between freedom & possible soul-mate, I chose freedom & im happy most of the time.

Yeah I miss him sometimes but I know I did the right thing by me.

If you love something set it free Blah Blah Blah...

But do you want it to be? :?

[Kazi]

Is the problem/reason why you broke up the 1st time still there?? I dont think there is anything wrong getting back together as long as whatever made you split the first time isnt there anymore...

I got back together with my ex and the first 6 months were great, but then our probs came back and so we broke it off for good and both of us know that it couldnt work again....

But if your compatable and you both still feel something and want something ..why not , I cant see the harm ;)

[pinkhelmet]

i got back with my ex 1 yr ago- the first time round it was great, the second time round is absolutely FANTASTIC! wudnt want it any other way:) best decision ive made...:P