View Full Version : Hurting the ones you love
It's an old adage, "you only hurt the ones you love." But there's truth in it, after all, the ones you love are the ones who love you back. (I hear- of course, I have no practical experience in this sphere of human interaction.)
Last night I was relaxing with friends, they're all coupled up and I'm the proverbial spare dick at the whore's wedding, and being rather bored, I was pissing off one of the girls by flicking my fingers in her face. She does her rag and tells me to fuck off, then my mate, her boyfriend, says "don't tell my mates to get fucked, you can get out of my house you filthy slut." He said it in such a way as to show it wasn't even kind of a joke, and his choice of words wasn't exaclty funny anyway, even if he was just playing.
Well, of course she went to pieces instantly, her face went hard and she got up, grabbed her shit and left. You could see in her face she was close to tears but holding them in to save face. Another one of the girls went after her, and since it was my shit stirring that brought the situation to a head in the first place, I went out to say sorry for my part in it and to see if she was OK. She wasn't. She was a blubbering mess, but like they always do, she was back in bed with him before the night was out, reaffirming my understanding of the way the world works. People would rather be treated with contempt and insulted than be on their own.
Now, what my mate said was an instant reaction, but he couldn't have calculated or planned anything to hurt the poor girl much worse. The whole situation left a few questions going around in my head and made me think about the way people treat each other, especially people in relationships. I mean, what kind of fuckwit would say that to anyone, let alone their girlfriend? Is it just me, or does anyone else think life might go smoother if you didn't treat your significant other like the worst kind of scum when ever you feel the mood to do some hurting? Why do people do it? Have you done it? Had it done to you? How did it feel? Will you do it again? Why do you take it? If I started being an insensitive arsehole, would I get more pussy? SPILL!!!!
JessMess
14-May-03, 02:08pm
Personally I would have told anyone who was involved in the situation to kindly stop their actions as it was annoying me. If they persisted, I would tell them to fuck off. If they responded nastily (as it might be seen in this case) I would punch them and then fone all my wog mates if a fight ensued.
littleblonde
14-May-03, 02:10pm
If anyone I was dating had the audacity to say something like that to me (not in jest) I'd tell them to get fucked and you can bet your balls I wouldn't be coming back to bed with them again....
Unless they're a f**ing good shag :p I'm joking
there are certain people that if they say something i will take it totally to heart and get upset by it whereas if it was said by someone i dont really care about or respect I wouldnt give a damn
bumpmek
14-May-03, 02:13pm
I've never been in a relationship where a guy has stuck up for his mates over me :lol:.... or been in that particular situation that N4TE mentioned and most of the guys i've dated have known better to pull some stupid shit like that.
Instant Sam
14-May-03, 02:14pm
People would rather be treated with contempt and insulted than be on their own.
Some maybe.
I think there's a certain "type" of person that for whatever reason, "needs" to be traumatised by their partners - both men and women.
I know a few blokes who cop a whole heap of abuse from their women but hang around - i reckon for the reason quoted above but pehaps focused more on the pussy aspect.
As for women, maybe that's a reason why there are women who keep hanging around in domestic violence situations.
do u know what?? ive noticed that to, the fact the some people will put up with being treated like shit, only so they wont have to be alone. If you started treating people worse??? well i dunno if youd be gettin more, but quality wise youd be gettin less. thats what im thinking anyhow.
Why do people do it? - Show of power I think. The whole, 'cause you can' thing. I reckon he knew he could say it and she'd stay with him, that's why. just a thought :)
Have you done it? - Yep
Had it done to you? - Double yep
How did it feel? - Crap, won't dispute this. I care deeply about EVERYTHING my girl says to me, or to others about things that affect me. I mean, like if I heard that my girl told people she was a muff diving nympho, even tho possibly a joke, i'd still take it the wrong way and get pissed off at her. :)
Will you do it again? - Probably. Things like this are usually part of someones nature.
Why do you take it? - Cause I do it to her. Can't be a hypocryte. Besides, love is love and like the thread is titled, you only hurt he ones you love. Besides, we always forgive each other.
If I started being an insensitive arsehole, would I get more pussy? - Bloody oath you would! Some chix take the whole incensitive asshole angle as a guy just being confident and self assured.
littleblonde
14-May-03, 02:27pm
A lot of women get used to being treated badly and for some reason in their next relationship seem to unconciously go searching for it. It's almost like a sense of danger, the 'bad' guy is more appealing or whatever than the 'nice' guy, more passionate, more exciting yadda yadda. It's a load of crap.
I didn't know what had hit me when I started dating a nice guy after being with a complete, total and undeniable arsehole. It was learning a whole different range of acceptable reactions to dating, a whole new way of looking at problem resolution and it was really hard and took a good while to get used to. I was young and I couldn't work out why he wasn't fighting with me all the time (because it was all I'd ever really known), and he's just like "Um, Jen, that's not how it works babe. I love you, I don't WANT to fight with you all the time."....
After experiencing both sides in extremes of nice and nasty, give me a nice guy any day of the week. You need to have respect for and from your partner.
bella boo
14-May-03, 02:27pm
This hits close to home.
I know how that poor girl feels. I was treated like absolute shit. Fair enough - I could have left. I was young and still had much to learn (heck - I still do :lol: ) so I stayed. Countless occasions I was screamed at, pushed at, told to get out. All in front of friends mind you. I never shed a tear in front of our friends, instead I would sit there in silence. Once I was screamed at and I begin to get up to move off to another room - he would scream at me again and tell me to sit there quietly and not to be "a baby and sook in front of the boys" - like a dog I was treated.
I was scared. I was scared to leave, so I stayed and put up with it. Our mates had a lot of respect for me, treated me like their sister and would try and defend me when I was attacked with abusive language. Towards the end I started standing up for myself (I never used to let anyone walk all over me) again, which only made the relationship worse.
Being treated like this is mentally and emotionally scarring and can take a long time to heal. I've never let anybody before him treat me in such a way. I've always stood up for myself - always defended myself. I've let one person mentally and emotionally scar me and because of this I find it much harder to trust people, much harder to open up to them, much harder to tell them my true feelings and in some cases much harder to speak my mind. I'm slowly getting there but it does take time. Never before had I let anyone treat me this way - even if he said how much he loved me. I'll never EVER let anybody treat me like an animal - no matter how much I may love them.
Respect plays an important part in a relationship. Screaming at your partner for no logical reason is DISrepecting them. There are much mre civilised methods of saying things. Act your age and be an adult. Screaming for no reason is childish.
Do unto others as they do unto you. I treat others the way they treat me and I always have a high level of respect for my partners and expect the same back.
Sorry for the rant...carry on :lol:
ive found that people who hurt others do it because of weakness...they feel bad, they want to feel better, they make someone else feel bad and it gives them a momentary lift...they dont have the inner strength to deal with it and come up with their own way of feeling better
and same with people who allow themselves to be hurt...theyre not strong enough to believe they deserve something different
it sounds like ur mate made her feel bad cos she attacked "one of the guys"....seems like a very defensive thing to do, someone a little stronger wouldve seen it wasnt an attack at men the world over (not literally :p) and maybe taken a step back and had a look at the sitch b4 exploding
(i know im making no sense)
and vice versa, if she felt a bit better about herself she wouldve told him to fcuk off right back
Originally posted by csaey
If you started treating people worse??? well i dunno if youd be gettin more, but quality wise youd be gettin less. thats what im thinking anyhow.
It's not a quality problem that I'm having, more a complete lack of quantity.
/me starts to work on a list of scathing insults for the weekend.
Something else was mentioned I was thinking about, she was saying at one point "he knows all the right buttons to push to hurt me." hmmm. what's the deal with wanting to be with someone who gets off on pushing those buttons?
bella boo
14-May-03, 02:33pm
Originally posted by N4TE
Something else was mentioned I was thinking about, she was saying at one point "he knows all the right buttons to push to hurt me." hmmm. what's the deal with wanting to be with someone who gets off on pushing those buttons?
To be in control. Some people thrive on being in control and to intimidate. They feel superior when in reality they are fools.
Originally posted by bumba
ive found that people who hurt others do it because of weakness...they feel bad, they want to feel better, they make someone else feel bad and it gives them a momentary lift...they dont have the inner strength to deal with it and come up with their own way of feeling better
and same with people who allow themselves to be hurt...theyre not strong enough to believe they deserve something different
it sounds like ur mate made her feel bad cos she attacked "one of the guys"....seems like a very defensive thing to do, someone a little stronger wouldve seen it wasnt an attack at men the world over (not literally :p) and maybe taken a step back and had a look at the sitch b4 exploding
(i know im making no sense)
and vice versa, if she felt a bit better about herself she wouldve told him to fcuk off right back
Makes perfect sense. This is what I was thinking, you just put it into words better than I could. I can't work and think at the same time. :)
JessMess
14-May-03, 02:45pm
Originally posted by JAZ013
Why do people do it? - Show of power I think. The whole, 'cause you can' thing. I reckon he knew he could say it and she'd stay with him, that's why. just a thought :)
Have you done it? - Yep
Had it done to you? - Double yep
How did it feel? - Crap, won't dispute this. I care deeply about EVERYTHING my girl says to me, or to others about things that affect me. I mean, like if I heard that my girl told people she was a muff diving nympho, even tho possibly a joke, i'd still take it the wrong way and get pissed off at her. :)
Will you do it again? - Probably. Things like this are usually part of someones nature.
Why do you take it? - Cause I do it to her. Can't be a hypocryte. Besides, love is love and like the thread is titled, you only hurt he ones you love. Besides, we always forgive each other.
If I started being an insensitive arsehole, would I get more pussy? - Bloody oath you would! Some chix take the whole incensitive asshole angle as a guy just being confident and self assured.
What can I say... lets air our dirty laundry then...
My boyfriend told a secret he promised not to tell.... My best friend cheated on her boyfriend and I told him and he told her ex boyfriend.
How's that for hurting the ones you love?
ChemicalKitten
14-May-03, 02:45pm
the term "filthy slut" is something that i don't believe ANY girl should put up with...
i don't care what is running thru the guys head, but calling her a filthy slut is completely intolerable.. i find it disgusting that if u "love" someone u can call them those kinds of names..
sure - i call my boyfreind a grub, and a slob sometimes.. the WORST i have ever called him is a dickhead...
he has called me a fucking idiot once.. because i made a jibe about his grandma... which was deserved.. but nothing worse - because he knows that he would NEVER see me again.
my best friend in the whole wide world - is a guy who used to see a complete and utter RETARD, acid-fucked junkie... who treated him so so badly.... but at the same time he would yell obscenities at her when they would fight.. she would call him a pathetic piece of shit, and he would call her a dirty slut - and i always questioned why he did it to her..... his reply - "because she did it to me"
i never understood why, if u 'love' someone so much that u treat them so badly?! in the relationships i see.. the people they hurt the most are each other - even when they are supposed to care about each other so deeply??? that really puzzles me.
u have enemies, u have family, u have friends and u have lovers... why - out of ALL of those groups must u be so abrasive to ur lover??? u know that out of all of those people - they are the one most sensitive to how you feel about them, so why do it?
i agree with the fact that some people tolerate this harsh treatment because they are afraid of being alone.. but honestly - if ur a good person and u have been in a relationship -what makes u think u couldn't find another one?? there are SO many people out there!!!! nobody should have to put up with treatment like that..
i once spoke to a girl who was being abused by her boyf - and i asked her 'why stay' - she says 'because i couldnt get anyone else' - which was an UTTER lie!!!! she was beautiful, friendly and genuine, but she stayed because she honestly believed the things he would tell her about being stupid, ugly and nobody else would want her...
horrible treatment for ur closest partner?!?!?!?!?!?!?! i don't beleive it should happen, don't put up with it... when u walk away, it shows them that doing something so wrong will not be tolerated...
*sighs* nobody is probably going to read this... and idon't even remember why i started writing it... so ill stop now.
i agree with what Bumba says.....i do sometimes yell at my baby but only if its something worth getting emotional about but I NEVER EVER swear or disrespect them cuz its just rood and wrong.
i was in a relationship where i was called EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN...complete domestic violence perpertrating stylz and im glad i got out of it...and yes ppl who think their partner loves them and stays with them after getting abused is wrong...ppl have to GROW balls ya know...i realised i would rather be lonely then have no pride or self esteem........but i guess others are still learning and its each to their own...
Originally posted by JessMess
What can I say... lets air our dirty laundry then...
My boyfriend told a secret he promised not to tell.... My best friend cheated on her boyfriend and I told him and he told her ex boyfriend.
How's that for hurting the ones you love?
Conveniently neglecting to mention the 'ex-boyfriend' is actually the best friend. Sometimes it's hard to chose where loyalties lie, especially when alcohol is involved. :)
bumpmek
14-May-03, 02:53pm
This thread ......
JessMess
14-May-03, 02:54pm
Originally posted by JAZ013
Conveniently neglecting to mention the 'ex-boyfriend' is actually the best friend. Sometimes it's hard to chose where loyalties lie, especially when alcohol is involved. :)
ahhh the offline implications of this are quite far reaching.
central_smurf
14-May-03, 02:57pm
personally i dont use the term slut lightly, and even if a person calls me a slut jokingly i still take it personally, that being said, if my bf ever said anything of the sort i would have said exactly the same thing as lb, and i wouldnt have gone back
now that ive had some coke (the liquid variety) i can think a little clearer...
my mother always said to me "u always hurt the ones u love the most"... this was an attempt to justify a shitload of pain a family member put us thru, "u hurt the ones u love the most because they are the ones who will forgive u"
but the fact that u have to hurt someone in the firstplace = weakness, as i said b4
stand up and deal with ur shit
control freaks seek out submissives, they can smell them, because they need that sense of power
and submissives do the same, but their reasons for doing it are a lot deeper and darker
there are some parts of the human mind we're better off staying away from :lol: :meh:
/me remembers the old world maps when they thought the earth was flat, and the legends "Dragons be here" :lol:
jaz and jess thats a shit situation ive been there pretty much not exactly the same but ive had to force a friend to fess up to her ongoing affair because everyone knew except for him and he was a close friend to i had to to tell her that he is gonna find out and i'll be damned if im looking at his face when he does, the whole thing blew up and i copped a fair bit of shit for it the 2 (having the affair) both somehow got around to blaming me. shit happens i guess
littleblonde
14-May-03, 03:02pm
Everybody.. sit the fuck down!!! :p
Bumba's nailed it this one on the head:
stand up and deal with ur shit
Originally posted by ChemicalKitten
*sighs* nobody is probably going to read this...
I did. You've restored a small part of my misplaced faith in one miniscule portion of humanity. Now I've just got to come to terms with the other 99.9999999% of people.
I don't think it was a power thing, I think for a second there my friend really, really wanted to hurt his girl. I thought that was pretty wrong. She asked me "why does he even say things like that?" I had no answer except "I don't know, but I know I wouldn't." A little self control and consideration goes a hell of a long way.
Originally posted by Megs
jaz and jess thats a shit situation ive been there pretty much not exactly the same but ive had to force a friend to fess up to her ongoing affair because everyone knew except for him and he was a close friend to i had to to tell her that he is gonna find out and i'll be damned if im looking at his face when he does, the whole thing blew up and i copped a fair bit of shit for it the 2 (having the affair) both somehow got around to blaming me. shit happens i guess
U're right, it is a shit situation. Of course I was more loyal to my girlfriend, but still believed he had a right to know. Although I've always admitted that if I wasn't pissed, I would have kept my mouth shut, because I promised her I wouldn't say anything. Guess the damage is done now.
WARNING TO ALL:Watch your friends' relationships from the sidelines. Only keep interest for pure entertainment value and don't get involved. U'll just end up being blamed for all the bad stuff.
ChemicalKitten
14-May-03, 03:10pm
Originally posted by N4TE
I did. You've restored a small part of my misplaced faith in one miniscule portion of humanity. Now I've just got to come to terms with the other 99.9999999% of people.
I don't think it was a power thing, I think for a second there my friend really, really wanted to hurt his girl. I thought that was pretty wrong. She asked me "why does he even say things like that?" I had no answer except "I don't know, but I know I wouldn't." A little self control and consideration goes a hell of a long way.
i completely agree..... that a little self control goes a LOOONG way.....
if he wants to hurt something - then he should go and bang his head against a fucking wall because speaking to ur girlfriend like that is sexual harrassment in its finest form..... to be honest there IS no reason as to why he said those things to her... the only reason there is that he lost his temper and said things he DEFINITELY shouldn't have.... :(
JessMess
14-May-03, 03:11pm
Originally posted by JAZ013
U're right, it is a shit situation. Of course I was more loyal to my girlfriend, but still believed he had a right to know. Although I've always admitted that if I wasn't pissed, I would have kept my mouth shut, because I promised her I wouldn't say anything. Guess the damage is done now.
WARNING TO ALL:Watch your friends' relationships from the sidelines. Only keep interest for pure entertainment value and don't get involved. U'll just end up being blamed for all the bad stuff.
Plus there's the whole breach of trust issue that your partner will have to deal with.
Wet Cardboard
14-May-03, 03:13pm
Originally posted by N4TE
I did. You've restored a small part of my misplaced faith in one miniscule portion of humanity. Now I've just got to come to terms with the other 99.9999999% of people.
With friends like those I'm not surprised that you have so little faith in humanity...
I have to question how you can remain close to a person like that. :?
ur friend got off lightly, i know for a fact i would have copped a slappin for that
I have learnt a few things recently... and i would like ot share..
Whilst building and having an honest and trusting relatioship with someone (be it romantic or not) i feel that if you are going to ask the question, you should always be prepared for the answer.
Let me give an example.. my ex and I were quite far apart, he was in Perth and I was in Brisneyland. Whilst our relationship was quite strong, the reality was that we weren't phyiscally together. So, it was agreed that we would have an "open" relationship and that if you got asked the question of who or what you were doing then it be answered honestly, truthfully but ALWAYS be prepared for the hurt... This happened to me.. He started just "sleeping" with this chick and then it turned into more.. when it came down to me asking the question of whether he and i should call it a night because he felt more for her than he realised KERBLAMMO..
In my opinion.. Honesty is always the best policy and should the other party/s not like what they hear, I suppose at least you have been true to yourself.. Don't get me wrong at this point.. i am not a heartless biatch but at the same time.. i can only know how one person in the equation is going to feel (and that's me..)
He doesn't really love her and is looking for a way out cos he's to gutless to come straight out with it.
Originally posted by littleblonde
Everybody.. sit the fuck down!!! :p
Bumba's nailed it this one on the head:
/me takes a bow
;)
N4TE: "I don't think it was a power thing, I think for a second there my friend really, really wanted to hurt his girl. "
the only thing we get out of hurting others is a momentary respite from our own pain... thats all control freaks are, people who need to control someone elses emotions cos they cant control their own... its still applicable
Jaz, Jess: stop the feuding and a fussing ;D makes it hard to keep a straight face when i stand up and look around the office :p
bella boo
14-May-03, 03:27pm
I don't understand why someone will stay with their partner if they are being mistreated and disrespected.
Just because they "couldn't get anyone else"? This is a sign of insecurities and are afraid of being alone. They obviously need to feel nurtured (if you can call being disrepected nurtured) and have someone there by their side. Why torture yourself and stay with them merely because you couldn't find anyone else at the time and thought "hey, he'll do". Why put yourself through the heartache, the trouble and basically demean yourself by staying with them? These people are over dependant on others.
Although I stayed whilst been mistreated - it wasn't because I couldn't find anyone else - it was because I really did love him. Are these people convinced that their partner will change and things will all of a sudden get better? Maybe it's because they haven't had the best of both worlds to compare. They haven't had the respect, the trust, the loyalty therefore not knowing what they are missing out on and what they really deserve. Maybe these people who accept this behaviour had been mistreated or spoken to in an abusive manner as children.
Those who speak in such a crude and hurtful manner are obviously angry people. Whether they are angry at their partner, themselves, their friends, their family - whatever - or upset maybe. Quite possibly suffering a mild depression therefore taking their problems and worries out on their loved one. Sometimes there is much more behind their behaviour than what meets the eye - and it's not because they are simply "arseholes".
As I said earlier, being mistreated in such an abusive way (mentally and emotionally abused) is unhealthy and can scar you mentally and emotionally. No one needs to or deserves to put up with this kind of treatment (unless of course both parties treat one another indentically - then you're both fucked :P ).
bumpmek
14-May-03, 03:28pm
This convo has taken a slight turn..... :p
bumpmek
14-May-03, 03:30pm
Originally posted by bella boo
I don't understand why someone will stay with their partner if they are being mistreated and disrespected.
Just because they "couldn't get anyone else"? This is a sign of insecurities and are afraid of being alone. They obviously need to feel nurtured (if you can call being disrepected nurtured) and have someone there by their side. Why torture yourself and stay with them merely because you couldn't find anyone else at the time and thought "hey, he'll do". Why put yourself through the heartache, the trouble and basically demean yourself by staying with them? These people are over dependant on others.
Although I stayed whilst been mistreated - it wasn't because I couldn't find anyone else - it was because I really did love him. Are these people convinced that their partner will change and things will all of a sudden get better? Maybe it's because they haven't had the best of both worlds to compare. They haven't had the respect, the trust, the loyalty therefore not knowing what they are missing out on and what they really deserve. Maybe these people who accept this behaviour had been mistreated or spoken to in an abusive manner as children.
Those who speak in such a crude and hurtful manner are obviously angry people. Whether they are angry at their partner, themselves, their friends, their family - whatever - or upset maybe. Quite possibly suffering a mild depression therefore taking their problems and worries out on their loved one. Sometimes there is much more behind their behaviour than what meets the eye - and it's not because they are simply "arseholes".
As I said earlier, being mistreated in such an abusive way (mentally and emotionally abused) is unhealthy and can scar you mentally and emotionally. No one needs to or deserves to put up with this kind of treatment (unless of course both parties treat one another indentically - then you're both fucked :P ).
That was worded really well and couldn't be more true!
big eddie
14-May-03, 03:31pm
top work from your mate n4te, least some blokes still realise their mates are prolly gonna be around longer than some random bitch.
littleblonde
14-May-03, 03:34pm
Bella Boo: As I said earlier, being mistreated in such an abusive way (mentally and emotionally abused) is unhealthy and can scar you mentally and emotionally. No one needs to or deserves to put up with this kind of treatment (unless of course both parties treat one another indentically - then you're both fucked ).
Couldn't agree more. Get out before you learn the hard way and have your eyes opened in ways that will stay with you the rest of your life. Trust me, it's not worth it.
You can't change people, and thinking that if you stay with them and show them what love is will change their behaviour towards you will only lead to disappointment, or leave you broken, used and entirely disenchanted with relationships.
Originally posted by bumba
Jaz, Jess: stop the feuding and a fussing ;D makes it hard to keep a straight face when i stand up and look around the office :p
Well, personally I wasn't fueding and fussing, I was just trying to prove a point to someone. (i won't bother explaining). But I can see that it's been taken too seriously now.
:(
bellaboo...in response to ur question:
Originally posted by bumba
there are some parts of the human mind we're better off staying away from :lol: :meh:
Originally posted by Wet Cardboard
I have to question how you can remain close to a person like that. :?
I can't. Simple answer. Probably be civil when I see them out, but I won't be spending time with any of them in the forseeable future. For one thing, it's not the kind of treatment anyone I'd be happy to have as a friend would dish out, for another thing, it brings me down to see it happen. Fuck 'em.
bella boo
14-May-03, 03:42pm
Originally posted by littleblonde
Couldn't agree more. Get out before you learn the hard way and have your eyes opened in ways that will stay with you the rest of your life. Trust me, it's not worth it.
You can't change people, and thinking that if you stay with them and show them what love is will change their behaviour towards you will only lead to disappointment, or leave you broken, used and entirely disenchanted with relationships.
I couldn't agree more. I learnt the hard way and I could not be happier now that I am out. As I said earlier I've never let anyone treat me this way - but now I know how it feels to be treated like an animal and to be abused mentally. It's not pleasant and I know it will take time before I can open my mind and heart for someone else.
I agree - you cannot change people. If one wants to change then they will however no other can change them.
Argh, I try not to get confessional on these forums, but here goes:
I've been in a relationship where I was treated like dirt. Less than dirt. And believe me, I'm not the sort of girl who gets pushed around or takes shit from anyone- I'm as strongwilled as anyone I've ever met. But I did. Why? Because I was "in love". Because he made me feel like I deserved it, and that I was the fuck-up. Because eventually I started believing him, and stopped fighting back. Its really hard when the person you spend all your time with is constantly reinforcing how utterly worthless you are.
Looking back, I know that he did it because he was insecure, and was looking for a way to keep me close to him. Funny thing is, I loved him, and would've stayed anyway. Stupid bastard.
littleblonde
14-May-03, 03:51pm
Feebs: I know how you feel....
I was stupid enough to stay in one fully abusive relationship because "I loved him", no I was totally 'in love' with him and then dumber still to go into another relationship in which the guy made me feel like nothing and it was verging on becoming worse when I left. Both because 'I loved them'. At least the 2nd time around I recognised the signals it was about to descend into utter hell unless I got out of there, fast. I still got broken, and everything went to shit but at least now I know I had the strength to walk away while I still had some dignity left and to actually NOT GO BACK and now I found that strength I know if it gets bad again with anyone, I can and will WALK.
Originally posted by big eddie
top work from your mate n4te, least some blokes still realise their mates are prolly gonna be around longer than some random bitch.
actually they were both friends, and the thing is, like I've said many times before, there's some things my mates don't do, and if you start doing them, you're not my mate. Calling someone you "love" a filthy slut is one of those things. Even if he was "defending" me it's still past what I'm willing to accept from my friends. Besides, I was stirring her up, she was well within line telling me to get fucked.
Feebs and LB, onya for taking the hike. Go girls.
Wet Cardboard
14-May-03, 04:01pm
Originally posted by big eddie
top work from your mate n4te, least some blokes still realise their mates are prolly gonna be around longer than some random bitch.
Ha, whatever... If one of my mates spoke like that to his girl for me 'flicking my fingers in her face' he would have lost a friend.
Originally posted by feeble
Argh, I try not to get confessional on these forums, but here goes:
I've been in a relationship where I was treated like dirt. Less than dirt. And believe me, I'm not the sort of girl who gets pushed around or takes shit from anyone- I'm as strongwilled as anyone I've ever met. But I did. Why? Because I was "in love". Because he made me feel like I deserved it, and that I was the fuck-up. Because eventually I started believing him, and stopped fighting back. Its really hard when the person you spend all your time with is constantly reinforcing how utterly worthless you are.
Looking back, I know that he did it because he was insecure, and was looking for a way to keep me close to him. Funny thing is, I loved him, and would've stayed anyway. Stupid bastard.
Ive been in pretty much the same situation, and agree its a insecurity thing and can even go down to a jealous thing in some cases, they are jealous of you being happy and want to bring you down with them, which they do they end up drumming it into you that you are shit and you do lose your confidence and cant see clearly what others can plainly see.
This is why in the - would you walk away thread - I walked away there is only so much shit you can take, no matter what their issues or reasons for doing it are.
Alex Reid
14-May-03, 09:00pm
Slut is the worst thing to be called. Its sooo harsh and theres nothing you can say back to the person who called you it. That poor girl would have felt humiliated and hurt. I don't understand why she ended up with him at the end of the night - i can't think of any logical reason....
TranceGoddess
14-May-03, 09:12pm
Originally posted by bella boo
I don't understand why someone will stay with their partner if they are being mistreated and disrespected.
Just because they "couldn't get anyone else"? This is a sign of insecurities and are afraid of being alone. They obviously need to feel nurtured (if you can call being disrepected nurtured) and have someone there by their side. Why torture yourself and stay with them merely because you couldn't find anyone else at the time and thought "hey, he'll do". Why put yourself through the heartache, the trouble and basically demean yourself by staying with them? These people are over dependant on others.
Although I stayed whilst been mistreated - it wasn't because I couldn't find anyone else - it was because I really did love him. Are these people convinced that their partner will change and things will all of a sudden get better? Maybe it's because they haven't had the best of both worlds to compare. They haven't had the respect, the trust, the loyalty therefore not knowing what they are missing out on and what they really deserve. Maybe these people who accept this behaviour had been mistreated or spoken to in an abusive manner as children.
Those who speak in such a crude and hurtful manner are obviously angry people. Whether they are angry at their partner, themselves, their friends, their family - whatever - or upset maybe. Quite possibly suffering a mild depression therefore taking their problems and worries out on their loved one. Sometimes there is much more behind their behaviour than what meets the eye - and it's not because they are simply "arseholes".
As I said earlier, being mistreated in such an abusive way (mentally and emotionally abused) is unhealthy and can scar you mentally and emotionally. No one needs to or deserves to put up with this kind of treatment (unless of course both parties treat one another indentically - then you're both fucked :P ).
Well done babe. thats the reason why u were my love-doctor for a while too!
bella boo
14-May-03, 09:14pm
Originally posted by TranceGoddess
Well done babe. thats the reason why u were my love-doctor for a while too!
:blush: hehehe
TranceGoddess
14-May-03, 09:20pm
& wheres my pm. i thought u were suppose 2 send the other day
bella boo
14-May-03, 09:23pm
Gimme 5 doll!
Heist9000
14-May-03, 09:55pm
Strictly IMO:
If the girl actually KNEW her bf well and couldnt detect that he was just fucking around, she sounds pretty damn doughey.
bella boo
14-May-03, 10:32pm
If he was mucking around he wouldn't have reacted in such an abusive manner. He would have being a little more playful, if he intended no harm.
TG, check your PM's.
JasonRhee
15-May-03, 04:34am
Originally posted by JessMess
Personally I would have told anyone who was involved in the situation to kindly stop their actions as it was annoying me. If they persisted, I would tell them to fuck off. If they responded nastily (as it might be seen in this case) I would punch them and then fone all my wog mates if a fight ensued.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
sirravesalot
15-May-03, 11:02am
hey N4te, just wondering.... you wouldnt consider telling your "mate" that you think what he did was the action of a complete fuckwit? I mean sure it might be less confrontational and easier on not only your "friendship" but your friendship with common mates but you dont seem like someone who has any trouble saying what he thinks... It might teach him a thing or too, and it might get that shit off your chest too.....
"treat em mean, keep em keen".... i don't personally agree wid da saying though i know alot of people that seem to think it is the best way, 4 me personally i could not treat anyway i like/love in a disrectful way!! if u like them treat them like u like them.. As others have said treat others how u would like to be treated yourself. I get a kick out of making a girl smile or laugh not making her cry or be upset...
Originally posted by sirravesalot
hey N4te, just wondering.... you wouldnt consider telling your "mate" that you think what he did was the action of a complete fuckwit?
that's tonight's mission. Last night I took the girl out for drinks (they're both friends, and were before they got together) and we had a long talk about all kinds of issues. I also got the low down on what they'd talked about after I left, where that went, how things panned out. Last night the male mate took off to another town, but he's back, and I'm seeing him before his girl gets off work. He's younger than me, and I happen to like the guy enough to think it's worth having a talk with him about the whole situation. What he said was wrong as wrong gets, and no, I'm not afraid to tell him that's what I think and why I think it. In most cases, I just wouldn't care enough to bother saying anything to either of them, that's all - but apart from this unpleasent facet to his personality, he's actually worth the effort. But if the whole lack of consideration and verbal abuse thing continues, it's adios, fuckhead. I'm expecting parts of the conversation to be quite heated, and since it's not directly my problem, it's strange that I'm making time to get involved like this when I know it's probably going to be hostile, however, my motives are purely selfish ones- It's like I said, some things my mates don't do, and if you do them, you're not my mate. I have a feeling I may be on the edge of doing and saying the things that comprise the whole reason we became friends in the first place. I'm also wondering what the fuck a guy who hasn't got laid in years is doing giving advice to a guy who has chicks falling over themselves to be with him. ie. what the fuck would I know?
sirravesalot
15-May-03, 03:00pm
nah dude, sounds like a plan... i dont think ur sexual activity has any relevance to this, and reckon go ahead with it and let him know what you think. Only thing you can do, really, if you think hes worth the friendship...
N4TE your probably the best one to be handing out advice, people who are used to having other people fall all over them sometimes need someone to slap them with a bit of perspective. I think you are 100% within your bounds as a friend to let your feelings known.
good luck and may the force be with you
Originally posted by Megs
N4TE your probably the best one to be handing out advice,
Pauline Hanson? Nothing I know or do works. How does that make me the best? gtg now. don't worry 'bout it. thanks for the vote of confidence though.
(/me lowers blast shield and hits the death star flying blind, trusting feelings and shizzle.)
thespec
15-May-03, 03:52pm
I've recently been in this kind of situation and I've thought about it alot. At the risk of stating the very obvious, its true that we hurt the ones we love, or rather, the ones that love you simply because, I think, they're the ones who *actually care*.
In the instance of what your mate did, well, I think we as "young impressionable" human beings, are coming into a world where we are programmed (yes, programmed) to think that at the age of 20 or so our mates are the people most important to us and that we should (hello male ego) prove to them that they are important to us. Its all over TV, its in sayings such as "bros before hoes", the list goes on and its all bad. In no way am I trying to make an excuse for his actions.
From a personal point of view, its true that partners come and go and generally your friends will stick around through thick and thin - but where is the need to prove how much of a mate you are? You wont spend the rest of your life living with these guys, one day you'll grow up and you might just realise that you lost "the one" (if you beleive in that kind of stuff), or you lost someone you considered very special to you, just because you wanted to show to your mates how cool you are and how little your girlfriend (who apparently you love) means to you compared to them.
The best thing this girl could do is leave the guy. If he has true feelings for her that come from the heart he'll think about what he did and realise what a tool he's been. He might just learn from what he's done (As I have in the past). If he doesn't come around well she's alot better for it, she might just end up with a guy like you who will show her the proper respect she deserves.
N4te, I dont know you, but really, it seems from this thread that you are in a good position to learn from your mates behaviour, attitude and clear lack of maturity - Save yourself the pain of losing someone you love because you acted like a dickhead.
-Spec
SpaceAgePimp
15-May-03, 07:57pm
Originally posted by N4TE
a guy who has chicks falling over themselves to be with him.
Must be his dry wit and charm that they fall for :|
forgedmc
15-May-03, 08:04pm
Excuse N4TE. See, he's substituted the letter 'A' with the numeral '4'. This instantly makes him a hacker.
sirravesalot
15-May-03, 09:48pm
excuse forgedmc, he says a whole lot of stupid shit. This instantly makes him a dick.
Evangelion001
15-May-03, 10:20pm
Hurtful words can often offend if you dont know weather they are joking or showing off infront of their mates, or just being plain ****s to you.
I only ever have said it as a joke and they knew i was joking like u fucking shithead and shit like that as they have done to me, all in good nature.
I have seen people call their partners sluts,****s,bastards,whores,pricks,assholes ect ect and have worried about it because i dunno how they act towards eachother and if they are joking at all their voices sound very re assuring of what they are talking about:| ......
I dont think its the right thing to do and say infront of mates to look cool and the authority figure in the relationship, no one should be made to feel like the scum of the earth on purpose.....
If they hate you that much to say it meanly then u prolly shouldnt be together anyway if they mean it...
its just common respect for urself and others.
And im down with mates b4 partners they do come and go and ur true mates stick through it with ya, but that level of abuse isnt really nessecary....its nice to be firm but not full on as such.
Words can be hurtful,even when joking because u associate them with the bad meaning first...and some people are a little more sensitive then others especially girls, and there are guys that take it just as bad.... anyway just my rambling shit.
Sabishii
15-May-03, 11:36pm
Nobody deserves to be disrespected or harassed in such a dispicable way, let alone by people who claim to love them. Love does not excuse abuse.
Decided not to bother. I went, I started, but I ended up changing direction, told him I wasn't down with it but since it obviously was working for him to not change a thing. What do I owe the women he'll hurt in the future? Nothing! Fuck 'em all. Oh, and Mr Clarke had best back off before I come down to Normen street and kick his arse. You know who you are...
and so do I.8-)
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