Blank canvas or half finished work of Art ? [Archive]

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unscarred

19-Jun-03, 10:17am

OK, I was having a chat with a friend the other day and the topic of partners experience came up. She was of the opinion that if she met a guy who for all intensive purposes liked, but said guy did not have much relationship experience under his belt, she would have massive doubts about pursuing a relationship with him because mainly she didn't want to have to be the one having to give out "work experience" so to speak.

What's your opinion, would someone's level of relationship experience be a determining factor on whether you went out with someone even though the rest of the deal is up to scratch ?

ka2per

19-Jun-03, 10:37am

littleblonde

19-Jun-03, 11:09am

I don't think it matters how much experience someone has with relationships. Someone could have dated one person who was lovely, someone else may have dated one person who was a psycho hose beast, and their experience of relationships on this one example would be totally different and the way they potentiall treat you could be very different as well.

How the person treats you as a person is far more important than how many partners they've had is. The only thing that would concern me would be if the've had a lot of partners, and hold each of those partners in high disregard now the relationships are over. That, to me would be possible cause for concern...

By way of the bedroom.. surely you would be telling your partner what you like and want anyways, regardless of what experience they've had? Each person is different and likes different things. I guess the only thing that would freak me out would be taking someone's virginity unless I really cared about them, but I don't think guys really give a f**k about losing it, so then maybe it wouldn't. I don't know. Convoluted enough for you? :p

Tax Invoice

19-Jun-03, 11:32am

This is a funny one to me as last week I had a discussion on the same topic with a female friend of mine. She has been having sex with a 'friend' for the past 6 months. Now the guy has fallen in love with her but she won't commit (even though she really, really wants too) as she claims this young guy hasn't had enough relationship experience.

Surely this could be a positive in some way? There's no bitter resentment, dark pasts, jealous ex's etc?

Plus, you can train 'em up to how you want them!;)

djsimonmann

19-Jun-03, 11:39am

Originally posted by unscarred
OK, I was having a chat with a friend the other day and the topic of partners experience came up. She was of the opinion that if she met a guy who for all intensive purposes liked, but said guy did not have much relationship experience under his belt, she would have massive doubts about pursuing a relationship with him because mainly she didn't want to have to be the one having to give out "work experience" so to speak.

I kinda agree with your friend...

I think the amount of relationships you have had is a very important factor in being in a serious relationship... I'm not talking about how many people you have slept with, I'm taking about how many people you have chosen to share your life with.

If I wanted a serious relationship I would hardly go looking for it with someone who'd never been in a relationship before..

If there is anything I have learnt from relationships it would be that they tend to get personal issues out in the open IE selfishness, immaturity, rudeness, untidiness etc etc...

A relationship usually makes you address these issues as you are with someone else who can a) point them out or b) help you to realise yourself...

If you'd never had a relationship long term then I wouldn't be the person stepping up to the plate for your first go, that's just asking for trouble...

legless

19-Jun-03, 11:50am

i think judging a person by how much relationship experience they have is pretty fucked up... i mean we all had to start somewhere didnt we?! how does one get relationship experience if they are never given the chance because they dont have it? catch 22...

i dont think a past relationship should have any bearing on the next anyway, you adapt to the new person, its not one simple formula...

:: end rant ::

Jezebel

19-Jun-03, 12:00pm

I think that if you find yourself not starting a serious relationship with someone just because they have never been in one before then it probably wasn't going to work anyway.

When you meet someone who is perfect for you, things like whether they've had previous relationships or little faults and habits just don't come into it.

When the right person comes along it just happens and everything else is irrelevant (I've had exactly one serious relationship in my life and we've just had our 6th wedding annerverisay and have been together for nearly 9 years).

djsimonmann

19-Jun-03, 12:10pm

I'm not saying that If I had feelings for someone (who had never been in a longtime relationship) I would not enter into a relationship with them. I would be loads more sceptical tho for the reasons I said above..

you also have to remember that I am nearly 30, if I met someone at my age who had not been in a serious relationship then I would want to know why for sure...

Jezebel, I think it's great that you are in you one n only relationship, more power to you and I hope you are happy..

Jezebel

19-Jun-03, 12:29pm

Thanks djsimonmann, Magically so actually :)

I do understand what you mean - its just hard to relate a bit sometimes.

Relationships are not easy - and I've definately been through some hard times but it is amazing what you can be willing to do/put up with (for want of a better word :) ) when you truely love someone.

littleblonde

19-Jun-03, 12:38pm

Actually djsimonmann, after considering what you've written I would have to say I am in agreeance with you entirely.

I've done my thing, learnt the boundaries, learnt to compromise, learnt to share my life with someone in every aspect (I've had three long term relationships), I don't actually think I could seriously date someone who couldn't comprehend those things.

Then again, if I was to start dating someone now (which I have no intention of, I don't believe relationship hopping is the answer to losing someone), then I'm not sure that I'd be looking for long-term just at this point.

The other thing to remember is, some of the ones you date who do comprehend what a long term relationship is still just don't get it :|

Catch 22

I guess just take each person for who they are, and work out the rest later.

bumba

19-Jun-03, 12:51pm

oh god.....well as much as i know life/relationship experience can be important, ive picked too many guys with excess baggage to fully agree :lol:

2 divorcees, 2 with a kid, psychotic exes, u name it

give me a 15 y/old virgin any day XD

serious now, its not just past relationships u have to take into account, its their whole past, upbringing, everything

depending on the issues one gets just from growing up, there are a lot of very mature, together people out there who havent had the chance to be in anything long term, but would do a great job of it

and there are a lot of people who have had heaps of long term experience, and are completely screwed in the head

Flying747

19-Jun-03, 04:04pm

I'm not sure there are any hard and fast rules here. It's surprising how some people can gain great insight and learn very quickly, while others seem to make the same mistakes over and over.

I think it is on a case by case basis. All you can do is be honest with your selves and each other and you'll soon learn whether there are any issues you are not prepared to resolve.

This person should express their concerns to the other person as a start.

MiNxRaviN

19-Jun-03, 07:56pm

Originally posted by legless
i think judging a person by how much relationship experience they have is pretty fucked up... i mean we all had to start somewhere didnt we?! how does one get relationship experience if they are never given the chance because they dont have it? catch 22...

i dont think a past relationship should have any bearing on the next anyway, you adapt to the new person, its not one simple formula...

:: end rant ::

well said ...

besides i wouldnt want to be with someone with too much experience ... FUCKIN GROSS...

innocence is sexy ...

JessMess

19-Jun-03, 10:35pm

It's quite superficial to judge people on how many people they HAVE slept with or HAVEN'T slept with, not to mention immature...

But I am too old to be breaking people in these days :)

central_smurf

19-Jun-03, 11:13pm

Id have to disagree with your friend dan only cause i have only ever gone out with rob, and we have been together just under 1.5years

my bf had had a couple of serious relationships before me, but i had never been with anyone or slept with anyone before we started going out. He was my first bf (and still is) at 21

The question of me being inexperienced never came up, i guess it just depends on the situation

MiNxRaviN

20-Jun-03, 01:20am

Originally posted by JessMess
It's quite superficial to judge people on how many people they HAVE slept with or HAVEN'T slept with, not to mention immature...

But I am too old to be breaking people in these days :)

it isnt superficial nor is it immature to be concerned about diseases .. as the more people u sleep with, the chances increase for you to have an std and the worst thing is one might not even know it yet they still continue to sleep with whom ever they desire... however if you consider it immature and superficial to be concerned about one's own well being .. then so be it ..
u can call me a child ...

lish

20-Jun-03, 01:24am

Originally posted by MiNxRaviN

it isnt superficial nor is it immature to be concerned about diseases .. as the more people u sleep with, the chances increase for you to have an std and the worst thing is one might not even know it yet they still continue to sleep with whom ever they desire... however if you consider it immature and superficial to be concerned about one's own well being .. then so be it ..
u can call me a child ...

reeeoooww!!:-0

danaele

21-Jun-03, 03:18pm

Its definitely a case by case basis.

It also has a lot to do with age.

For example, in regards to what you said djsimonmann, if you are 30, and the person you were interested in was the same approx age, and had never had a serious relationship...I can understand being sceptical.

For me, if I was 18, and the person I was interested in was the same age, and had had a very serious relationship - I'd be sceptical.

I don't think you should discount someone due to their lack of experience in serious relationships. If Id done that, I would've missed out majorly :blush: *ahem*