19-Mar-02, 10:35am #1
same old same old
A Redleaf Memoir
Yesterday I took a trip to the decadent confines of Woollahra Council. After my business was done I wandered down to the Redleaf Tuck Shop (Redleaf is a harbour beach/pool half way between Double and Rose Bay). After devouring my salad sanger I thought a stroll around the perimeter of the pool would serve me well before heading off to my afternoon meetings.
I get three-quarters the way 'round and lo and behold I run into an old friend, Alex M., the elder brother to former Darlinghurst social queen Geroge "Ermis" M. (George is know living in Hong Kong building up his ragtime trade).
Adam: Alex! How are you? Oh my god, it's been ages.
Alex: Adam! Hello darling. How you been?
Alex is sun basking with 3 friends: local Italian Stallion Vince together with David & Rodney who still haven't returned to Brisbane after an extended Mardi Gras vacation.
So there I am in a suit minus the jacket chattin' with 4 Muscle Marys. Alex is quick to inform Vince of my preference for female-flavoured sex, just for the record.
Alex lights a joint. I politely knock it back before changing my mind on second offering. Now I'm stoned. Again.
Alex informs me that they all just took a pill about 30 min before me crashing their party. I laugh and note that some things never change, or if they do its more often than not superficial. So, of course, I'm offered a pill and a pair of speedos. Its really not a hard decision. I go to the change rooms and promptly return for a barrage of giggles.
And guess what? It's massage time! Too-fucking-shay. Alex gives me the BEST neck/back/leg/face/head massage I've had since Utopia 1993 when I got entangled with this Kama Sutra Mistress from South Newtown. But that's another story.
The massage is devine. Not sleazy, Alex ain't like that. But he did say I had a nice arse. Point taken, Alex, point taken.
Rodney returns from a refreshing dip and decides to give me a lesson in receiving massage. Now you must keep in mind that that his pill has well and truly kicked in.
Rodney: Adam, your breathing is all wrong darling. You have to breath in 6 counts through your nose and breath out 8 counts through your mouth. Make sure you tongue is resting on the top of your mouth and your mouth is only just open.
Adam: OK. Sure.
Rodney: You know how there's a second in a second?
Adam: OK [I'm thinking ... what the fuk is this guy on today? Will this be me in 30 min minus the camp accent?!]
Rodney: Good. Now the massues will pressurise in time with your exhaling. Excellent! Your legs are all wrong Adam. Turn your feet in. That's it. Only your legs, hips, feet and part of your knees should be in contact with the gorund.
Adam: Like this?
Rodney: No. In a fraction more. That's it! Feel better.
Adam: Yea, sure it does.
Rodney wanders off again after giving Alex a couple of pointers which he really doesn't need.
Alex: (muterring in my ear) I fucking hate in when people interupt me.
So the massage comes to an end and my pill is comin' on nice and smooth like.
Another joint and its time to reschedule my afternoon meetings. With the loud cawking of seagulls in the background I can only imagine my customers were raising their eyebrows! Yea, sure Adam, OK, whatever, see you tomorrow.
I tune back into the conversation at hand.
Vince: Oh my god, check out the guy in the black swimmers. I think he's checking me out.
David: I always know when I being checked out. I can feel it. It feels good.
Rodney: Get over yourself David.
Vince: Jesus! Look at the donger on him! What I could do with that. Nice abs too.
David: I'm not into the whole ab 6-pak thing. I mean, I like muscles but more natural.
Alex: Abs are out of fashion anyway. Arms are back. It's all about arms.
David: Like arms ever weren't in fashion! No biceps = No sex.
Alex: Is that Adrian K? Fuk, it is too. I fuked that guy SO hard. Got rid of his stupid attitude.
Rodney: Alex! I don't want to know. None of us do.
Silence. The sun is shining. THC and MDMA partciles are doing their Monday thing. Silence for another minute or two before it is broken with another of Alex's subtle touches.
Alex: You know what's pissing me off at the moment? Squatting on my lover's face. My quads get so sore.
Everyone: Oh, Alex! Yuk!
Alex: It's true! I hate it. So over it.
Adam: You need one of those beds that props up. That way your lover will come to you.
Rodney: He needs he's fuking head read darling that's what he needs.
David: Shhit! Is that that newsreader from ABC? I didn't know he was one of us.
Rodney: What? He's been out for years. I rimmed him a few Mardi Gras ago! [giggles]
Vince: (has been contemplating Alex's "predicament") What you need darling is those bars on the ceiling like at the Chinese massage parlours. You can get rimmed whilst working your triceps. Heaven!
It's all too much for me so I dive for a lazy swim. The water temp is spot on which kinda makes up for its less than perfect cleanliness.
Upon my return a charged up Alex asks me whether I have any lonely gay freinds.
Adam: Yea, a couple.
Adam: Not "a couple" but two individuals ya dirty poof.
Alex: Oh. Do tell.
It goes on with me calling up my gay mate who hjust so happens to have the day off. Alas, he can't make it. I'm relaying the phone conversation to my 4 eager pilled-up poofs.
Adam: He said he'd love to but has to meet a friend.
Rodney: Tell him we're flying back to Brisbane tomorrow and this is his only chance.
Adam: He's says he really can't make it.
Alex: That's OK. Vince and I will be around. Tell him he can choose between the big hunky Italian and the slender sexy Greek.
Adam: He said why make a choice?
Vince: [laughing] Exactly. I like him already.
I grab a round of Powerades as the afternoon strolls on by. A quick phone call to spinbunny to inform her of my hilarioius and impromptu afternoon. Before I know it it's 4pm and time to bail.
So there you go, an innocent trip to the Council Chambers and I end up off-chops at Redleaf. Life is grand.
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