From the Sydney Morning Herald today, dear God, my condolences go out to the families and friends of these poor souls. Does anyone know these people?:



Thousands die in spontaneous post new year suicides:



Police are currently investigating a spate of apparently related suicides across Sydney today. Hundreds of Sydney youths have been found dead in their homes, sparking urgent inquiries into the deaths. A special taskforce has been established to determine why so many Sydneysiders, whom are reported to have not known each other, aged between 17 and 32 have decided to take their own lives within the space of hours beginning from 11.30pm, January 1st. It is not yet clear whether the deaths are of the type of internet organised group suicide currently plaguing Japan.



Moira Harrigan, mother of a 20 year old deceased recalled her son happily humming a tune as he walked in the door of their Randwick home, only to later later find a suicide note bearing the words, “Had a great day, things are going well with Clara, good to see the gang … OMFG I just remembered that the sun didn’t come out for long enough on the day and that I think my mate Jerry told me that the sound was shit in the Killer stage. NEVER. AGAIN. Goodbye cruel world.”



Investigators are attempting to determine what the significance is of this Killer or “Death Stage”, as it has been referred to by some police.



Peter Spruce, found the suicide note of his son Peter Spruce Jnr, bearing the words, “One of my Heinekens today wasn’t as cold as usual. Time to auto-fellate myself to death”. Spruce Jnr was found semi-naked with a broken spinal column and a cracked rib that had punctured his lungs.



Most puzzling to police investigators was the suicide note of Reginald Terwilliger, of Epping, which stated, “They sang a Tribe song, they ‘aint Tribe, fuck that. Dope beats but. And I’m out.”



Investigators are questioning the administrators of a website that reportedly provides toilets to music festivals, as one of the deceased was halfway through entering the words “Where was the trance?” on a bulletin board, before shooting himself in the head. He had apparently neglected to press a submit post button before his tragic death. Investigators may never know whether he had more clues to give before his untimely death but one police officer commented, “we all know trance is shite – toilet websites are probably not to blame, we are currently more interested in his dubious cd collection”.



Investigations are continuing around the clock.

Jonas, you fuckin rawk!

LYW

Quote:

Originally Posted by phatman

Investigators may never know whether he had more clues to give before his untimely death but one police officer commented, “we all know trance is shite – toilet websites are probably not to blame, we are currently more interested in his dubious cd collection”.

You had me up until about here...

Since when do police have taste in music?

Love your work porkchop

Brav-fking-O, Jonas.

LSHMPFD!








(laughing so hard my pants fell down)

Good work champ.

And this Jonas is why we all love you so much. Fukn gold.

First person to bang on about this being inappropriate gets a punch in the guts.

MCK

comedy. gold.

LYW joey

Bwahah! Love it

Quote:

Originally Posted by littleblonde

w0rd

too good

had me till "..... Jerry told me that the sound was shit in the Killer stage. NEVER. AGAIN. Goodbye cruel world"

Killer stage.. HAHAHA

that stage rocked!

i must be pretty damn slow for not getting that until the first reply...

damn you phatman for making me feel sad for those families which do not exist!

Quote:

“One of my Heinekens today wasn’t as cold as usual. Time to auto-fellate myself to death”.

Most impressive and masterful work

nice jo

that paragraph was easily the highlight.

love the dig at the trance-lover too.

Bless their poor little cotton socks

rofl fkn slut !!
had me till the next post
still havent recovered from syd nye so il use that as my excuse

thnx for freaking the shit out of me

have a nice day

*yawns*

so inappropriate

brilliant!

had me going for a while ... was watching the news at the same time and thinking omg wtf isn't this headlining ... lol