I think he is exaggerating the extent of it, but if you look hard enough you might find something in about half a sentence of what he said.

But lets not make this another thread about smith or F74 hey?

Pls reword that half sentence into logical thought pls.
Thread is now about you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheOuterLimits

So I'm starting to get my head around the fact that I'm gay. I didn't really want to accept it for the longest time and was (and still am a bit I guess) hopeful that I'd grow out of it. I've told my sister and she said she suspected it and she wants me to now tell my parents, saying that it'd answer a lot of questions they have about me. I don't really want to. I'm just afraid that it'd change their opinion of me. Is it something that I need to do?

2 of my close male friends are gay and an old female friend of mine is also gay. Out of the three, only one come out to their parents, one of the guys.

When M came out to his folks they were not suprised. He is quite obvious in his "gay-ness" (for want of a better word) and they were just happy for him to be happy. They've supported him through a couple of breakups, some ups and downs and are really wonderful. He's very close with his mum and she is very proud of him and almost gloats about the fact that he's gay to anyone that will listen adorable

The other gay guy, J, has not, and probably never will come out to his parents. He is from a very strick greek orthodox family who shun same sex relationships majorly. They have expressed to him explicitly that they would not consider anyone in their family to be a part of the family if they were involved in a same sex relationship. They have told him how it is the greatest offence to the family name, how it would make their family name dirt and how such an embarrasment could never be forgiven I doubt that J will ever come out to his folks. His family is more important to him than his sexuality - in his words.

The girl, F, hasn't yet come out to her folks. She's been with her girlfriend for many many years, and they have a gorgeous, healthy relationship. Her family knows her girlfriend but she has not yet found the courage to tell them. I think they would know, but its kind of the unspoken thing. She's from a "good catholic family" so its almost a better left unsaid situation. She has said that she's not sure that she'll ever tell them, and made the point to me once that i don't share with my folks what happens in my bedroom, so why should she? Interesting point i reckon.

I don't know what i'm trying to achieve in telling you all this...maybe that no situation is the same. There's no right or wrong way to do things, or the right time. If you think you need to tell your folks, then i'm sure you'll know when the time is right. But don't get too weighed down with that aspect of who you are

Quote:

Originally Posted by smith

That's because the concept of "gay" fits into the "politically useful pity class" that straights love.

Yes, I pity you but not because you're gay. It has something/a lot to do with the fact that you are one angry, jaded and twisted little blatherskite.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smith

The simple fact is that most men are bisexual in orientation. This is a biological given.

What the fuck are on about smith? There is no scientific consensus for how sexuality is formed.

And thanks everyone for the serious replies and stories. It helps. I'm still a long way off telling them, if ever. I think a good time to tell them would be if I was living abroad. That way they'd have some time to get used to the idea before I saw them face to face.

need to come out of where?

are you stuck?

do you need help?

are you alright?

someone call 000


a man is stuck in a closet


quickly!

Quote:

Originally Posted by sysyphean

need to come out of where?

are you stuck?

do you need help?

are you alright?

someone call 000


a man is stuck in a closet


quickly!

So lame, but I laughed.

I told my parents about 5 years after I'd told my two sisters and I kinda wish I'd told them earlier as I don't think they really appreciated the rest of the family knowing and not them.

My dad took it really well, said he wasn't suprised and then got me a drink. Easy! My mum didn't take it so well...cried for a good hour and couldn't speak to me, then she started to come round and asked lot's of tough questions but still wasn't comprehending that I was gay. I think because I don't fit the stereotypes she had trouble accepting it, and as I've always had lot's of female friends she thought I was some kind of playboy.

Fast forward a few months and everything is cool. They've invited my boyfriend on family holidays, speak to him on the phone ect ect...it's exactly what I hoped for.

My advice is to not feel pressured into it. Be prepared for the questions and be as honest as possible and stay calm. It might rock the boat a bit, but everyone calms down in the end and you'll be able to be happy with your life and feel open like you never have before. Good luck matey!

If I was gay I dont think I would have any trouble at all in telling them (though I understand speaking hypothetically is a completley different thing). I dunno, my parents have always said from a very young age that I could tell them anything and they will support it.

Also there is a lot of gheys on ITM I am starting to notice

Just means alot of geeks are ghey

Come out come out wherever you are! You'll feel so much better for it and you'll probably find that those people who you most expected to reject you or even feel not so comfortable about your orientation, will actually be sad that you felt that way in the first place.

Quote:

Originally Posted by M_adz

2 of my close male friends are gay and an old female friend of mine is also gay. Out of the three, only one come out to their parents, one of the guys.

When M came out to his folks they were not suprised. He is quite obvious in his "gay-ness" (for want of a better word) and they were just happy for him to be happy. They've supported him through a couple of breakups, some ups and downs and are really wonderful. He's very close with his mum and she is very proud of him and almost gloats about the fact that he's gay to anyone that will listen adorable

The other gay guy, J, has not, and probably never will come out to his parents. He is from a very strick greek orthodox family who shun same sex relationships majorly. They have expressed to him explicitly that they would not consider anyone in their family to be a part of the family if they were involved in a same sex relationship. They have told him how it is the greatest offence to the family name, how it would make their family name dirt and how such an embarrasment could never be forgiven I doubt that J will ever come out to his folks. His family is more important to him than his sexuality - in his words.

The girl, F, hasn't yet come out to her folks. She's been with her girlfriend for many many years, and they have a gorgeous, healthy relationship. Her family knows her girlfriend but she has not yet found the courage to tell them. I think they would know, but its kind of the unspoken thing. She's from a "good catholic family" so its almost a better left unsaid situation. She has said that she's not sure that she'll ever tell them, and made the point to me once that i don't share with my folks what happens in my bedroom, so why should she? Interesting point i reckon.

I don't know what i'm trying to achieve in telling you all this...maybe that no situation is the same. There's no right or wrong way to do things, or the right time. If you think you need to tell your folks, then i'm sure you'll know when the time is right. But don't get too weighed down with that aspect of who you are

One of my bestmates also comes from a strict Greek Orhodox family. He is also very obvious with his gayness. He has never come out to his family, yet 32 and no girlfriend ever??!! Hello!!

His father pleaded with him a few years ago to just PLEASE get married and do whatever he likes on the side. Pretty sad. I think having to hide something like your sexuality from your family and people who love you.. is hiding such a massive part of who you are. They will never understand you. Having said that though, I feel my sexuality definitely doesn't define me as a person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breakme

...will actually be sad that you felt that way in the first place.

Yeah this happened with some of my friends, they could see where I was coming from though.

<ghey>I almost cried when one of my childhood friends grabbed by the hands and said it's okay. It was just one of those rare genuinely instinctual gestures that really touched me.</ghey>

As a gay man, I like tits a lot. But only if they're milky.

Oh sorry, the conversation's moved on...

Quote:

Originally Posted by magictorch

As a gay man, I like tits a lot. But only if they're milky.

Oh sorry, the conversation's moved on...

I boobs.... seriously who doesnt?

Like I said, if they're not milky, they serve no purpose to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smorchika

I boobs.... seriously who doesnt?

AMPP it seems

Gay guys, straight girls... you all love boobies.

I'm still waiting for my Brother to come out to my parents. He's off to live in Calgary for a while in November. I think once he gets the distance between the olds he will be out and out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AMPP

Did it drunk while at my brother's 21st, Mum cryed for ages and wouldn't beleive it, Dad (who is a MASSIVE homophove) took it amazingly well - I thought he would have been the type to kick my out!!

So you thought it was going to cause problems and you did it at your brothers 21st. Thats a pretty shitty thing to do, quite selfish. Lucky you were wrong and all there was was a few tears, but still a dick move and selfish imho.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smith

AMPP,

In Australia, male sexuality is highly polarized into gay and straight at the social level. This has occurred as a result of two social influences: gay male correctness combined with straight male homophobia. The simple fact is that most men are bisexual in orientation. This is a biological given. While strictly gay men do exist, in many cases a gay identification is a political statement more than a statement of one's biological urges. It is because male sexuality is so polarized at the social level that a one-or-other identification becomes necessary. It's a positive feedback loop in which the social pressure creates the division which in turn is enhanced by the social pressure.

What an utter load of bollocks - however, I must commend you on your pseudo-scientific presentation to what stripped down - is a vacuous waste of typed characters.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nettsu

so hang on i hung out with 2 hot chicks on saturday night who got their kit off and made out

so what does that make me?

A boaster

Quote:

Originally Posted by mashedman

So you thought it was going to cause problems and you did it at your brothers 21st. Thats a pretty shitty thing to do, quite selfish. Lucky you were wrong and all there was was a few tears, but still a dick move and selfish imho.

I've forgiven him


and i'll just correct the wording and say that dad WAS a huge homophobe, not 'is'.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xbeejx

I came out when I was 21, I wish I didnt wait so long. It was such a non issue to my parents and friends. Going through your life hiding who u are, who u love is just shit. Forget about the right or wrong way to do it, just do it. I did it over the phone with my mum though I had plenty of oppertunity to do it face to face. It was a bit cowardly, but I did it and that is all that matters. As I have grown up/older, I had to come out many many times over and over again. Now, I just dont give a fuck. I dont even consider myself gay anymore, or str8 or bi, I have found myself with a girlfriend now at 30 years of age after seeing guys exclusively all through my 20s. It is only a big deal in ur own head, nobody who is worth caring about gives a fuck who you sleep with.
Coming out to those you care about will take a huge weight off your shoulders. Do it sooner rather than later

So you un-gayed yourself?

Quote:

Originally Posted by KingWicked

A boaster

i have photos



(and they will never see flickr)

Quote:

Originally Posted by magictorch

OK, now I'm confused. I thought the marshy=gay thing was a joke.

It's okay, we just guessed it before he did.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mashedman

So you thought it was going to cause problems and you did it at your brothers 21st. Thats a pretty shitty thing to do, quite selfish. Lucky you were wrong and all there was was a few tears, but still a dick move and selfish imho.

I's take a guess that it would have had more to do with the "being drunk" thing rather than the "brother's 21st" thing. Don't be so quick to judge, dude.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nettsu

so hang on i hung out with 2 hot chicks on saturday night who got their kit off and made out

so what does that make me?

A Pimp?

Quote:

Originally Posted by nettsu

i have photos



(and they will never see flickr)

A pornographer

For the record,

1: I do like boobies just not that way... cbf'ed explaining it before... I actually like them so much thought the PussyCatDolls song was "Boobies" not "Groupies" for ages, and I actually like that song

2: As for Ian's 21st, wasn't my fault, one of my best mate's and my dad had been away from the party talking for like an hour. I came in and asked what's going on (I had been smashing it hard core as just got back from Europe) my mate just looked at me and said "Just tell him" so I did... It only took some attention away for like 30 minutes then everything was awesome!! SO Totally not intentional and didn't upset the party...

3: Trev, I am not a geek, I am a trashbag!

plus it was like 3am.....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zodiac

So you un-gayed yourself?

I don't know why he bothered, the word 'gay' is much less of a mouthful than 'I only sleep with other men'.

It's also less of a mouthful than a massive wang but we'll leave it there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by watsakerring

plus it was like 3am.....

Sure was!!

Twas an awesome party - I would pay to watch get that fucked up again!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by AMPP

I would pay to watch get that fucked up again!!

is that a good show?

what channel is it on?

Quote:

Originally Posted by AMPP

I would pay to watch get that fucked up again!!

Sounds like there was some kind of permanent alteration to your ability to piece together coherent sentences too Pete

when i knew i was gay and had to eventually let the parents know ,i was at the crossroads. do i sit them both down and tell them and break their hearts as dad was always "macho" and mum always wanted grandkids. so thought it would be better to break it to dad first. not the response i was expecting but after i told him he bent me over had his way with me and said he had been gay for years and said i have the cutest butt hes ever seen . never been happier

That took a turn......

Quote:

Originally Posted by drater

I's take a guess that it would have had more to do with the "being drunk" thing rather than the "brother's 21st" thing. Don't be so quick to judge, dude.

I never said he chose his brothers 21st on purpose but people use the drunk excuse too much. There are more appropriate occasions. But hey no harm was done and being that someone else initiated the conversation it's more on them.

Plus, I'm not really one to get Butthurt over much.....

Quote:

Originally Posted by mashedman

I never said he chose his brothers 21st on purpose but people use the drunk excuse too much. There are more appropriate occasions. But hey no harm was done and being that someone else initiated the conversation it's more on them.

Actually 'being drunk' works as an excuse for most people so well so often because... well... most people are drunk so often.

Alcohol removes inhibitions. It's why people get laid, why people tell people they love them, why people king hit strangers and why gay people tell family members they're gay... in what may seem to another to be an 'inappropriate' situation.



Yay for alcohol. Keeping PC at bay in 2008.

k_x oxo

Quote:

So you un-gayed yourself?
__________________

I dunno, on some level I think that because I felt attracted to guys as a teenager, and because it was my deap dark dirty secret that I obsessed and obsessed about, I do wonder if I to some degree talked myself into my identifying as gay.

Then again it could just be that I love cock so much

Quote:

Originally Posted by krafty_x

Yay for alcohol. Keeping PC at bay in 2008.

First ever sig! YAY

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marshy

<ghey>I almost cried when one of my childhood friends grabbed by the hands and said it's okay. It was just one of those rare genuinely instinctual gestures that really touched me.</ghey>

Mate thats not gay your just a pussy.
I know of a liquid substance that comes in a bottle which will fix you right up

Im surprised nobody has mentioned the following, though i remember registering yonks ago i havent hit it up in like, forever.
http://www.samesame.com.au

Perhaps some people over there may be able to help you through this? (anyone here a member that frequents the forums may be able to tell you what goes on over there)

Quote:

Originally Posted by magictorch

As a gay man, I like tits a lot. But only if they're milky.

I think if i were gay i would still be a boobies (as in big juicy womens boobies) man. I just dont know how anyone can resist

Ive been around quite a few gays. One of my (kinda) bosses/friends eventually told both his parents. Either that or from memory i think it was one of those situations where they just realised it one day and mumbled it out and he agreed. Kinda avoiding the whole "talk"
From what i have been told the mother took it relatively easy but the dad took a while to get over it. In the end i think everyone was kinda happy and comfortable with it all.

The other one has told his mum, brothers but not his dad (this one is like 36 or something)
Dont think he every worked up the balls to tell his old man, or perhaps the right time just never came round (his parents broke up so it was relatively easy to keep hidden from one)

I think in the end you want to be happy, and for your parents to know that you are happy will make life easier. Even if they dont particularly like the idea, im sure they will come to terms with it one day and be glad that you are comfortable with who you are and how you are living your life.

BTW, ill happily turn gay for one man and one man alone. You all know who he is

Seriously though surely the OPs question is going to depend entirely on ther nature of the parents- if I'd been gay coming out to my mother would be no real drama, she's a fag hag from way back and would be cool with it- but my dad would disown me on the spot. I have a lesbian freind whose mother's reaction was to disown her daughter and claim that god must be punishing her for some awful sin, and I know other people whose parents have basically just said "yeah we know, about time you told us!"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seamus Ryan

BTW, ill happily turn gay for one man and one man alone. You all know who he is

Marshy?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seamus Ryan

Mate thats not gay your just a pussy.
I know of a liquid substance that comes in a bottle which will fix you right up

Im surprised nobody has mentioned the following, though i remember registering yonks ago i havent hit it up in like, forever.
http://www.samesame.com.au

i hate samesame
hate!
such a pointless series of forums

shhh, they'll hear you and get offended.

horses for courses nettsu - it works for some people... I suppose it depends on what you want to get out of it.

as for the original question - I don't think you have to come out to anyone including your parents if you dont want to or aren't ready to. Coming out to yourself is probably the biggest thing for most people. Once that happens you will slowly tell your friends, workmates, strangers etc... slowly you will gain the confidence to tell your family.

The initial response may not be the best, but in the end they love you and will hopefully come to understand. Give them time to do that but dont compromise who you are to facilitate this.

good luck

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikewebster

shhh, they'll hear you and get offended.

and then they'll flail their arms about and dance to kylie.