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How did you get the "birds and the bees" talk?

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How did you get the "birds and the bees" talk?
You come of age, your school throws a few pubic-like buzzwords around that make you and your classhomies giggle, and next thing you know you're getting lined up for "the talk".

Ours started early because a disabled girl in Grade 6 forgot to jam a tampon in. The girls sitting around her got very scared and thought she was dying. The teacher panicked and sent everyone home and we all got calls that evening.

3 days later, my dad is sitting me down with diagrams and a big page of words like ORGASM, URETHRA, DOUBLE-ENDED CRUSTY DILDO etc. He'd ask "KNOW WHAT THIS IS? WHAT ABOUT THIS?" while I nodded and was too afraid to shake my head at anything he suggested, lest I'd get the Jims Dad treatment.

The rest of the family made sure it was just him and me, and it ended up being so embarassing that I burst out crying 3 minutes into it.

How did yours go?
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Have never understood why parents shy away or are so petrified of informing their children of what is what

My parents explained everything to me at a very high level - I had no idea.
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I just got given that book, "Where did I come from." Still realizing there were many glaring omissions.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by hatzornotahat View Post

I just got given that book, "Where did I come from." Still realizing there were many glaring omissions.


I got the next one up from that called "What's happening to me?". I also had 5 brothers and a sister all older than me so I learnt pretty quick anyway
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What's the birds and the bees?
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haha mine is a funny one.
i was 9 and my little brother was 8.

we were out on a lovely family outing to the Zoo at phillip Island. The parentals thought it would be a fab idea to take us to the Kangaroo enclusure......everyone loves a Roo right? so anyway my brother and i are trotting around having a gay ole time, feeding the kangaroos and what not....when i turn around and there are is 1 Kangaroo stnding there with the biggest boner you have ever seen. long story short, he started humping his partner right in front of us. Naturally as a 9 year old i was petrified, disgusted but also very curious. my dad decided that there and then was the time to tell me about sex....using kangaroos as an expample.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by fusiongirl View Post

we started humping his partner

Did the talk go something along the lines of "the birds don't actually have sex with the bees and similarly it is wrong for you and your brother to have sex with kangaroos"?
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I never really got the talk.

I think i was like 9 or 10, and I had a bunch of nude pics hidden as pokemon on my computer. We got a new printer and somebody suggest we print out the colourful pokemon to see how it goes. I threw a tantrum trying to stop it but got caught out Mum said to me later "I'm glad they were women", oh bother.

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Originally Posted by jarrardscott View Post

I think you obviously dont understand what i'm trying to say.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Derelict View Post

I threw a tantrum trying to stop it but got caught out Mum said to me later "I'm glad they were women", oh bother.

It sounds like there might be some details that you're leaving out.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by sHaRp-b0y View Post

It sounds like there might be some details that you're leaving out.

No, not at all.

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Originally Posted by RunningWithScissors View Post

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Originally Posted by jarrardscott View Post

I think you obviously dont understand what i'm trying to say.

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No one taught me nothing and I've got 2 kids to prove it
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Derelict View Post

No, not at all.


Why else would a mother insinuate that her 10 year old son would have pictures of naked men on the computer?
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Quote:

Originally Posted by hatzornotahat View Post

I just got given that book, "Where did I come from." Still realizing there were many glaring omissions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bizzy View Post

I got the next one up from that called "What's happening to me?". I also had 5 brothers and a sister all older than me so I learnt pretty quick anyway

We had both! Great books, lazy parents.
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I can't actually remember that talk. I remember my dad having a talk to me about using condoms after I had lost my virginity. I dunno maybe we learned it all in school or from a book that was left lying around the house or from the older kids.

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me & my friend got caught with a penthouse in primary school that we hid in the bushes,

then sex ed in school in the principals office later

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that’s terrible spastic
also I would imagine a little disheartening that he has never attempted to drug rape you?

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My lazy arse fat bitch of a mother didn't tell me nuffink - my best mate told me at the tender age of 6... none of it made sense and to an extent, even now I'm a little confused.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by sHaRp-b0y View Post

Why else would a mother insinuate that her 10 year old son would have pictures of naked men on the computer?

The jazz and tap-dance lessons?
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Quote:

Originally Posted by sHaRp-b0y View Post

Why else would a mother insinuate that her 10 year old son would have pictures of naked men on the computer?

No idea, I think she was trying to be funny.

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I think you obviously dont understand what i'm trying to say.

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Year 5 sex education in a Catholic school.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Gruso View Post

We had both! Great books, lazy parents.

sames. I got told about periods, everything else came from sex ed and human biology in high school.
then the parentals wanted to me to talk to my much younger brother when he got a much older girlfriend (he was 13, she was 17).
I pointed out that it was Dads job to give him the talk, not mine.
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bulk cred for your brother but ^
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that’s terrible spastic
also I would imagine a little disheartening that he has never attempted to drug rape you?

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I don't remember ever having "the talk". Then again, I don't remember much of anything pre a couple of years ago.

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Well bede dad sat me down and was like "pull your foreskin back in the shower or your dick will smell like shit"

so I did.

then he was like "wear a condom on your dick or else the bitch you're fucking will probably get pregnant and there's no way in hell I'm helping you pay for that"

so in other words my dad owns
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When I was about 6 the local parish priest taught me
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Surprisingly, I had access to hardcore porn from the age of about 10 years old.

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same as portal and hatz
back when i was a kid we had these things called "libraries", they're like a giant kindle or iPad that you can walk in
anyway...

my parents took me to the library and forced me to borrow the book "where did i come from?", i remembering thinking wtf do i want this for?

that was my "talk", i had to read it for myself.
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Last edited by special ed: 14-Feb-12 at 10:47am

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Quote:

Originally Posted by special ed View Post

same as portal and hatz
back when i was a kid we had these things called "libraries", they're like a kindle but you can walk in them
anyway...

my parents took me to the library and forced me to borrow the book "where did i come from?", i remembering thinking wtf do i want this for?

that was my "talk", i had to read it for myself.

You're parents did you favor, seriously.

Teenagers these days are so fucking stupid. If only they'd pick up a book and turn a few pages, or at least google something intelligent as opposed to "Justin Bieber #haircut#".

My daughter once told me that guys in her year level (Year 9 at the time), would ask a girl if she was on her period whilst they got sucked off because they thought you could get someone pregnant if they were.

My head nearly exploded when I heard that last paragraph in real life. So many questions............
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr Bones View Post

I don't remember ever having "the talk". Then again, I don't remember much of anything pre a couple of years ago.

This!

What I do remember is having to watch those Where Did I Come From videos at school.

I also remember all the kids in my street would hang out on weekends and sometimes after 9:30 on a Saturday night we'd watch SBS and giggle. I was about 10
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Conor- View Post

What's the birds and the bees?

I'm not entirely sure, but as I understand it they have sex with each other

I was given a doll and asked "where did they touch you" ... *cough* joke!

...i think i was 8 or so, i asked mum what tampons were for, followed by a series of "but why?"
and then at school a very scientific explanation of sex...
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Quote:

Originally Posted by SlicyDicer View Post

Well bede dad sat me down and was like "pull your foreskin back in the shower or your dick will smell like shit"

so I did.

then he was like "wear a condom on your dick or else the bitch you're fucking will probably get pregnant and there's no way in hell I'm helping you pay for that"

so in other words my dad owns

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if guys had periods, theyd brag about the size of their tampons
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Bergs View Post

This!

What I do remember is having to watch those Where Did I Come From videos at school.

I also remember all the kids in my street would hang out on weekends and sometimes after 9:30 on a Saturday night we'd watch SBS and giggle. I was about 10

hahahaha i remember sneaking out of my room around the 10 year old mark too and trying to watch whatever mum and dad were watching...oh how the inquisitive mind of a 10 year old works!
if guys had periods, theyd brag about the size of their tampons
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Around grade 3 my best friends older brother showed me a porno mag and said "This is what your dad does to your mum, he sticks his dick in her vagina" and let out an evil laugh

Shocked from what I was hearing I was like "No he doesn't, you lie!"

That night when I got home I asked "Dad do you stick your dick into mums vagina?"

He turned wide eyed, pause for a second and said "Yes I do son now tell me who told you that!"
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Quote:

Originally Posted by kano350chevy View Post

"Dad do you stick your dick into mums vagina?"

"Yes I do son !"

he wasnt gettin any by than...he was just trying to sound cool
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porno for me.

though in year 7 i heard way too much from our teacher in an all boys class. he was a massive guy, in his mid 40s and he was a complete macho sports beef head. he had just married an 18 year old girl he had trained when she was younger doing schoolgirl athletics. god knows when he started boning her, but this sort of wrongness was fairly common at that school.

anyway he used to describe in graphic detail all of the different ways he would screw his wife. positions, duration, frequency, technique etc. all this to a bunch of 11 year old boys who were probably not as interested in the topic as he was.

but one moment that is imbedded in the memory of anyone present, was the time he started talking about the size of his cock. he stated categorically that he was personally of only average proportions. he then said that the average size of the male penis was 30cm.

at this moment about 30 boys reached into their desk drawers, pulled out their rulers and tried to fathom the implications of this revelation. fortunately for us, grade 8 provided more sex ed courtesy of a young blonde female teacher who also revealed way too much personal detail.
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The fuck kinda school did you attend dude?

I'm thinking a private school.
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our grade 6 teacher decided to bring his wife into one of our sex Ed classes so we could ask them both questions.

If I recall correctly, someone asked if when the guy cums you can feel it inside you. She got embarrassed and refused to answer until the whole class was like COME ONNNNN damn kids. Safe to say, that's not the kind of question she expected
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nardo...when do we get to hear grade 8???

stop holding out on us
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ok, though it's not quite as exciting.

again, all boys school. very hot female teacher and this was her first proper teaching job. given she was so hot all the students used to drool over her. the highlight of this involved one of the guys attaching a mirror to his shoe so every other bloke could walk past and check out her lace underwear.

anyhoo, sex ed. It was fairly standard except the guys in my class kept asking as many inappropriate questions as possible. usually asking her to explain the intricacies of the female body to us, what felt good for her, what she thought semen tasted like, was it easy to get out of her hair etc. fairly non-textbook stuff. though she would dutifully answer these questions, which was quite hot.

she ended up going crazy and setting fire to her house, with her in it, to kill herself.
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Fkn private school boys man!
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Nardo View Post

, what she thought semen tasted like,

hmmmm....thought
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Quote:

she ended up going crazy and setting fire to her house, with her in it, to kill herself.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by B_e_de View Post

Ours started early because a disabled girl in Grade 6 forgot to jam a tampon in. The girls sitting around her got very scared and thought she was dying.

the birds and the Bedes
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Sex Ed class came when I lived in the bible belt so it was a bunch of photos of STDs and "sex is the devil's work". In year 10 girls had to take an early childhood education class (aka breeder101). We were forced to watch videos of childbirth, learn to change diapers and heat up bottles, and had to carry around those dolls that cry and you have to take care of them or they just continue to cry.
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Wow, can't believe done people didn't learn about this until either just before or during puberty, seems a bit late by then?
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My mum gave me the talk when aunt flow first came to town. Told me about sex and how you don't have to wait until you get married but save it for someone worthwhile and don't feel like you have to give it up to get a guy to like you.

The other stories were more amusing though.
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