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Retarded Facebook status updates that pop up in your feed #2

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silvaside +

つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

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Retarded Facebook status updates that pop up in your feed #2
Not from my feed so cbf blurring names.


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my biological brother and i have been estranged for around 18 years now (dude's a complete fucking waste of DNA), but we have some mutual FB friends. i stalked his profile recently and found that he's spent most of his adult life impregnating bogan chicks. this status is from his latest babymama (they aren't together anymore, and none of the other six (FFS, SIX?) crotchnuggets she shat out are his)

Quote:

for all those who wanna look down at me and tell me how bad drinkin is while pregnant i am not stoopid hello i had 1 and a half drinks actually. And with bein pregnant with numba 7 i think i may no a think or 2 about it dont appreciate ppl tellin me wat i can and cant do or shouldnt be doin if u think that i am puttin my baby in danger u obiviuosly dont no me as well as i thought u did ....... just sayin

seven. seven of them. holy fuck. she also mentions that this one will be the 5th shitling that she has ended up squatting out as a single mum.

fucking breeders.
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Seven?!? Fuck her uterus is more occupied than commission housing.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Kellyboop View Post

Seven?!? Fuck her uterus is more occupied than commission housing.

She is doing a good job attempting to populate them though haha
trippytrip +

om nom nom

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farken hell ezz


this chick i know is having an ongoing saga with an on again off again bf, she knows he will read this shit

Quote:

Abby ****
4 hours ago
U know the moment u realise all men are the same and wonder why u bother!!

Abby ****
18 minutes ago
When ur not that top looking you shouldn't push away those that think ur cute!! Chance now 0 from the 5% u had left

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Lettuce be cereal here, guys.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Derelict View Post

She is doing a good job attempting to populate them though haha

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Kellyboop View Post

Seven?!? Fuck her uterus is more occupied than commission housing.



Her uterus IS a clown car!
If I told you that I was a pathological liar would you believe me?

deck +

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I've posted a few of this girls statuses before, here's another one...

Quote:

I am so super motivated to see results that the next 8-10 weeks that im making a promise of no going out for dinner or junk foods! If you want to catch yp with me organise a walk or dancing or a movie with NO FOOD catch you on the skinny side hahaha

FUCK OFF!

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"Hate it when fat chicks come to class.... No I don't want to look at you wobble, spend your time at the gym."
HERPA DERPA, HERPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU
HERPA DERPA, HERPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE, YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME.
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I can kinda relate, I think half of all people at my uni are morbidly obese.
Check it ****s.
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trippytrip +

om nom nom

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retards:

Quote:

Kimberley ****
Im soooo very board! Anyone out there?

Hailey ****
Yes. But I must warn you, we are inebriated.

Trevor ****
Not drunk just awesome watching Indianan jones and total recall.

Hailey ***
I did not say drunk husband dear....

Trevor ****
Yousin fancy like words to day thems same things doesn't change it.

Kimberley ****
Hmmmm, well enjoy your inbriation, i am unfortunatly up thr duff and am unable 2 join u :-(

stay classy, people.

also from the same retard's page:

Quote:

Kimberley ****
And so the bum gastro starts, bugga Emily, thought you just had a chuck this morning and that was it, sigh, lots of undies that I'm not even goin to contemplate cleaning will go in the bin... Please get better soon!

Quote:

Kimberley ****
Sooooo, tomorrow is the start of many frustrated moments, tantrums from Emily, piles of washing and lots of pooie undies that are just too yuk to even contimplate washing, thats right people, the pressure is on, we are going to attempt that awful word again - Potty Training! Wish me luck coz I'm really goin to need it!

Quote:

Kimberley ****
People I'm wavering and its only been half a day. Why does she have to wee in her pants not even 5 seconds after we get off the toilet with yet another unsucsseful go! I'm so very frustrated :-(

^ that was followed by 19 replies about how to toilet train your crotch nugget

why the fuck does this have to be on facebook? take it to a breeders forum you fucking... breeders
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That'll teach me reading this thread whilst eating.
red is the new blu
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Quote:

Originally Posted by trippytrip View Post

take it to a breeders forum you fucking... breeders

There's a breeders forum? I wouldn't mind doing some breeding.
HERPA DERPA, HERPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU
HERPA DERPA, HERPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE, YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME.
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Belinda
Finally finsihed my last client proposal for the day...been super busy...and now ready to serve a gourmet dinner to my man!

She is clearly very successful at being a woman, she can work, and wait hand and foot on a man...And consider it an achievment.
Check it ****s.
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Bitch works. Bitch serves food. She gets my vote.

Quote:

Originally Posted by magictorch

I am epileptic, so making fun of other people with epilepsy isn't making fun of people less fortunate.

Also, despite my epilepsy, I daresay I'm more fortunate than you, you condescending prick.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by m_xt View Post

Belinda
Finally finsihed my last client proposal for the day...been super busy...and now ready to serve a gourmet dinner to my man!

She is clearly very successful at being a woman, she can work, and wait hand and foot on a man...And consider it an achievment.

The almost constant abuse of the ellipsis these days makes me sick.
HERPA DERPA, HERPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU
HERPA DERPA, HERPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE, YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Coezi View Post

The almost constant abuse of the ellipsis these days makes me sick.

...? No idea what you are talking about...
Check it ****s.
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This was said in response to a guy saying he will be right not having a girlfriend this winter (because apparently everyone is coupling up).


Huh?? But there is my brother, there is. You gotta pick 'em right. There's hoes that don't do dick.. I know makes no sense. there's jus hoes the like to fuck everything, there's bitches( usually.. I want , want , want and all they do is bitch cause there miserable ****s). Then there's ladies born n bred, sophisticated, intelligent, n understands how to treat a man. There de ones that avoid drama n arguing. Hahaha you gotta love em all but

i think he got his description straight out off an nwa album.. the fuck
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Quote:

Originally Posted by m_xt View Post

...? No idea what you are talking about...

It's an epidemic going, until now, unnoticed by the WHO. Ellipsis 2012! Spread the word, people have a right to know.
HERPA DERPA, HERPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU
HERPA DERPA, HERPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE, YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME.
ezz_ +

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this, from a bogan punter chick at the pub i used to work at (she's on her 4th incubation):

Quote:

this whole being preggo again thing is doing my head (and my body) in... ugh!

i was so close to replying "you could always abort".
it only takes a fortnight to grow a decent beard
you can grow a beard twenty-six times in just a single year
it only takes a fortnight, and you know what else is true
i could grow three hundred and ninety beards before i'm over you
m_xt +

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Coezi View Post

It's an epidemic going, until now, unnoticed by the WHO. Ellipsis 2012! Spread the word, people have a right to know.

Elipsis abuse has being going on for like 20 years, you're just jumping on the bandwagon as you proabably saw some documentary about it ...or something.
Check it ****s.
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Last edited by m_xt: 13-Mar-12 at 12:48pm

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The fact that people type in three full stops for an ellipsis rather than using the proper unicode symbol for an ellipsis (…) is far more disturbing… or something…
ಥ_ಥ - - - - - - - - - - - -ಠ_

"She was like a candle in the wind... unreliable."
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Quote:

Originally Posted by m_xt View Post

Elipsis abuse has being going on for like 20 years, you're just jumping on the bandwagon as you proabably saw some documentary about it ...or something.

Man, i've been fighting ellipsis abuse for years... long before it was cool.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mickstah View Post

The fact that people type in three full stops for an ellipsis rather than using the proper unicode symbol for an ellipsis (…) is far more disturbing… or something…

You may not be doing much guys, but just by talking about the ellipsis, you're raising awareness.
HERPA DERPA, HERPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU
HERPA DERPA, HERPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE, YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Mickstah View Post

The fact that people type in three full stops for an ellipsis rather than using the proper unicode symbol for an ellipsis (…) is far more disturbing… or something…

You know, writing three full stops was what they used to do on paper, before there was unicode...

Quote:

Originally Posted by RunningWithScissors View Post

PM derelict for manual labour shit

Quote:

Originally Posted by jarrardscott View Post

I think you obviously dont understand what i'm trying to say.

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yessum

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My name is Mischa...and I'm a ellipsis abuser.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by mischa21 View Post

My name is Mischa...and I'm a ellipsis abuser.

Acceptance is the first step toward absolution. Your bravery has not gone unnoticed.
HERPA DERPA, HERPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU
HERPA DERPA, HERPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE, YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME.
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http://www.facebook.com/timshark

Check out some of the stuff this guy posts.. more so pictures.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Derelict View Post

You know, writing three full stops was what they used to do on paper, before there was unicode...

ಥ_ಥ - - - - - - - - - - - -ಠ_

"She was like a candle in the wind... unreliable."
Dean Learner
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O Mick you are so cool
More cooler than a dolphin
Let's hug me


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Somebody i know not only used the wrong 'there' but spelt it 'thier'. Ugh
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kasper_flip +

;_;

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i think this status has been posted before but regardless, these chain mail things are terribad:

RIP That girl you called a slut in class today. She's a virgin. The pregnant girl walking down the street . She got raped . The boy you called lame. He has to work every night to support his family. That girl you pushed down the other day. She's already being abused at home. That girl you called fat. She's starving herself. The old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars. He fought for our country. The boy you made fun of for crying. His mother is dying. You think you know them. Guess what? You don't! Re-post if you are against bullying. I bet 99% of you won't, but you're that 1% with a heart...! ♥
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Status after status after status is attention seeking and just plain stupid.. and right now it has popped up at a time of boredom.



EDIT* To which she likes the comment and inboxes me telling how sweet I am... Maybe I'll be a bit more obvious next time
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couple more posts like that and you're in
You can't help that. We're all mad here
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I guess she does have great boobs..
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You're in Pdzy, hit her up for a date then offer facebook relationship status, the attention whore will be unable to refuse then you get the sex..............and then you get 6 months worth of facebook drama but if the boobs are good, do it.

ps. get photos.

pps. be my facebook friend, im so lonely
Crazy people are ace doorslammers.



Full dark, no stars.
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i could take her to a brothel where someone actually gives a fuck, then once she's happy i could take her to the beach with my guitar because i know 3 chords and have been growing my hair.

I'm nursing a semi thinking about the results this will get.

ps. ill have noodz soon
pps. are you really lonely?
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Shared by police friend.

(img of US Police officer)

*You wonder why he pulled you over and gave you a ticket for speeding,

He just worked an accident where people died because they were going too fast.

*You wonder why that cop was so mean,

He just got done working a case where a drunk driver killed a kid.

*You work for 8 hours,

He works for up to 18 hours.

*You drink hot coffee to stay awake,

The cold rain in the middle of the night keeps him awake.

*You complain of a "headache," and call in sick,

He goes into work still hurt and sore from the guy he had to fight the night before.

*You drink your coffee on your way to the mall,

He spills his as he runs Code 3 to a traffic crash with kids trapped inside.

*You make sure you're cell phone is in your pocket before you leave the house,

He makes sure his gun is clean and fully loaded and his vest is tight.

*You talk trash about your "buddies" that aren't with you,

He watches his buddy get shot at, and wounded in front of him.

*You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls,

He walks down the highway looking for body parts from a traffic crash.

*You complain about how hot it is,

He wears fifty pounds of gear and a bullet proof vest in July and still runs around chasing crack heads.

*You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong,

He runs out before he gets his food to respond to an armed robbery.

*You get out of bed in the morning and take your time getting ready,

He gets called out of bed at 2 am after working 12 hours and has to be into work A.S.A.P. for a homicide.

*You go to the mall and get your hair redone,

He holds the hair of some college girl while shes puking in the back of his patrol car.

*You're angry because your class ran 5 minutes over,

His shift ended 4 hours ago and there's no end in sight.

*You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight,

He can't make any plans because on his off days he still gets called back into work.

*You yell and scream at the squad car that just past you because they slowed you down,

He's in the driver seat of the squad car, going to cut somebody out of their car.

*You roll your eyes when a baby cries in public,

He picks up a dead child in his arms and prays that it was crying.

*You criticize your police department and say they're never there quick enough,

He blasts the siren while the person in front of him refuses to move while talking on their cell phone.

*You hear the jokes about fallen officers and say they should have known better,

He is a hero and runs into situations when everyone else is running away in order to make sure no one else gets hurt and loses his life doing it.

*You are asked to go to the store by your parents, you don't,



*You sit there and judge him, saying that it's a waste of money to have them around,

Yet as soon as you need help he is there.
By: Support Aussie Cops
Check it ****s.
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;_;

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>cell phone
>bullet proof vest
>hot in july
>college
>squad car
>Aussie Cops

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Also pounds, code 3 and putting your gun on before you leave the house, I thought you kept those at the station?
Check it ****s.
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hope you enjoyed the ride

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Bumpy View Post

http://www.facebook.com/timshark

Check out some of the stuff this guy posts.. more so pictures.

Whoa. This guy thinks he's some sort of humanitarian because he bangs a different thai hooker each night.
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RE: ellipsis abuse

I like to think... that every time I drop an ellipsis is because it perfectly represents... that awkward moment when I'm talking and... have to pause so that I can think about what I'm meant to be talking about.

If you're gonna have speech issues, translate 'em to online toOOO. Like even if you speak with an upwards inflectTIIIIION at the end of every senteEEEEEENCE like you're asking a questIIOOOOON?
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facebook.com/thepublicworksdepartment

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I found this thing on Facey that's not so much retarded as awesome: Celebrities that look like mattresses

Permanent clearance by: #1-01
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Post liked for this bit only.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pdzy View Post

pps. are you really lonely?

p.s. that guy with all the thai girls, that was interesting *cough*.

Last edited by smorchika: 23-Mar-12 at 02:03am

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Lettuce be cereal here, guys.

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Ahhhh Asia - the place where white guys who have no fucking chance back home to be studs.
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yessum

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Bumpy View Post

http://www.facebook.com/timshark

Check out some of the stuff this guy posts.. more so pictures.

I've never known anyone to boast about paying for sex so much?! and he's hiedeous! those poor girls
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A "girls and smiles" album is just fucking creepy to the max.

What's next? "Prostitutes and the socks they were wearing"
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That Tim Sharky dude was selling Zyzz drugs over there

Quote:

Originally Posted by RunningWithScissors View Post

PM derelict for manual labour shit

Quote:

Originally Posted by jarrardscott View Post

I think you obviously dont understand what i'm trying to say.

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Of course he's wearing Parra NRL shorts.
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From what i understood he's actually a pimp?
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