Clubbing faux-pas: the inthemix guide

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Clubbing is awesome for so many reasons. The music! The booze! The dancing! The lols! But as with most things awesome, there are some who partake in clubbing whom – knowingly or not – can act to undermine the awesome nature of the club. To make sure you’re not one of those people, we’ve worked our way through stealing, spilling, groping, vomming and more to compile a list of the most frequent clubbing faux-pas, so that we can all get on with the PLUR.

Pushing in the line

Maybe your friend was saving your place, maybe you do know the bouncer or maybe you do just think you look far too good to have to wait with the rest of the plebs, but chances are if you try and push in front of a bunch of people who’ve been patiently been waiting in the line for the club, you’re just being a dick. Suck it up, get to the back of the queue and wait your turn. That having said, if you’re the one who gets pushed in front of, it’s probably not worth pulling hair or getting into a fight over. The whole not-being-a-dick thing goes both ways.

Stealing other people’s drinks

Waiting for someone to put their drink down and turn slightly to the side before swooping in and stealing their half-drunk beverage is definitely not cool. If you’re that cheap, leave a sack of goon in a bush outside to return to periodically or steal a bottle of spirits from the behind the bar and take it into the toilets with some friends for a cubicle party.

Spilling other people’s drinks

Similarly, spilling other people’s drinks is a pretty surefire way to piss your fellow patrons off. Of course, accidents happens and sometimes these things can’t be helped. But if you’ve been responsible for the toppling of a once-full beer, the cool thing to do is probably to offer to buy a new one. Especially if you’ve been getting all barge-y in the thick of the dance floor, or if the spillage happens to occur all over the attire of its unlucky owner.

Asking the DJ for requests

You’d think that by now, club-goers would be aware that you should really never ask the DJ for a request, but the ongoing additions to No Breasts, No Requests proves otherwise. So, one last time: unless you’re at a high school social (or even if you are at one, probably) at best the DJ is likely to ignore your request. At worst, he might shoot you for it ...and that’ll really ruin your night.

Creepin’ too hard

Hitting on babes is pretty standard part of going out, but there’s a fine line between smoothly picking up and being a total creep. Offer to buy that lucky boy or girl a drink, but don’t get lecherous, don’t grope, don’t flat out proposition and don’t gurn-stare at the object of your affection for extended periods of time.

Excessive PDAs

If your subtle and polite creepin’ should yield you some results, congratulations! But also, get that PDA shit off the dancefloor. While a quick mackin’ on – in which no tongues are visible to other patrons – is acceptable, anything that has to be leant up against a wall, requires the hitching up or pulling down of any item of clothing or needs to be taken into a bathroom cubicle most definitely is not. I once witnessed a very enthused couple make it all the way to home base in one uncomfortably small club while chortling patrons filmed. So unless you want to end up on Redtube, take things home or at least to the backseat of a taxi.


Booze is great for a lot of things, but promoting rational and measured decision making is not one of those. So if you get the urge to punch on with someone in a club, even if they legitimately did hit on your girlfriend/spill your drink/whatever, just don’t. It’s a pretty quick way to ruin a whole lot of people’s nights and give ground to those crap curfew laws because clearly, the yoof of today can’t behave themselves.


Like creeping, vomiting is a pretty standard part of any night out, but there’s a time and a place for it. The middle of the club is not one of those places. On top of a strangers shoes is not one of those places. Nor is the gutter directly outside the club. Take that spew straight to toilet bowl and for the love of God, flush it. In fact, this rule applies to all bodily functions. Especially poo.

Stealing other people’s bags/jackets

If you’ve made it through the night without pushing in, spilling, requesting, creepin’, PDA-ing, fighting or vomming, there’s just one final thing to remember: don’t be tempted to make off at the end of the night with a coat or handbag someone’s trustingly left on a seat while they have a dance. You didn’t just “find” that leather jacket lying around, you stole it and that ain’t very PLUR.

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