Clubbing faux-pas: the inthemix guide

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Clubbing is awesome for so many reasons. The music! The booze! The dancing! The lols! But as with most things awesome, there are some who partake in clubbing whom – knowingly or not – can act to undermine the awesome nature of the club. To make sure you’re not one of those people, we’ve worked our way through stealing, spilling, groping, vomming and more to compile a list of the most frequent clubbing faux-pas, so that we can all get on with the PLUR.

Pushing in the line

Maybe your friend was saving your place, maybe you do know the bouncer or maybe you do just think you look far too good to have to wait with the rest of the plebs, but chances are if you try and push in front of a bunch of people who’ve been patiently been waiting in the line for the club, you’re just being a dick. Suck it up, get to the back of the queue and wait your turn. That having said, if you’re the one who gets pushed in front of, it’s probably not worth pulling hair or getting into a fight over. The whole not-being-a-dick thing goes both ways.

Stealing other people’s drinks

Waiting for someone to put their drink down and turn slightly to the side before swooping in and stealing their half-drunk beverage is definitely not cool. If you’re that cheap, leave a sack of goon in a bush outside to return to periodically or steal a bottle of spirits from the behind the bar and take it into the toilets with some friends for a cubicle party.

Spilling other people’s drinks

Similarly, spilling other people’s drinks is a pretty surefire way to piss your fellow patrons off. Of course, accidents happens and sometimes these things can’t be helped. But if you’ve been responsible for the toppling of a once-full beer, the cool thing to do is probably to offer to buy a new one. Especially if you’ve been getting all barge-y in the thick of the dance floor, or if the spillage happens to occur all over the attire of its unlucky owner.

Asking the DJ for requests

You’d think that by now, club-goers would be aware that you should really never ask the DJ for a request, but the ongoing additions to No Breasts, No Requests proves otherwise. So, one last time: unless you’re at a high school social (or even if you are at one, probably) at best the DJ is likely to ignore your request. At worst, he might shoot you for it ...and that’ll really ruin your night.

Creepin’ too hard

Hitting on babes is pretty standard part of going out, but there’s a fine line between smoothly picking up and being a total creep. Offer to buy that lucky boy or girl a drink, but don’t get lecherous, don’t grope, don’t flat out proposition and don’t gurn-stare at the object of your affection for extended periods of time.

Excessive PDAs

If your subtle and polite creepin’ should yield you some results, congratulations! But also, get that PDA shit off the dancefloor. While a quick mackin’ on – in which no tongues are visible to other patrons – is acceptable, anything that has to be leant up against a wall, requires the hitching up or pulling down of any item of clothing or needs to be taken into a bathroom cubicle most definitely is not. I once witnessed a very enthused couple make it all the way to home base in one uncomfortably small club while chortling patrons filmed. So unless you want to end up on Redtube, take things home or at least to the backseat of a taxi.

Fighting

Booze is great for a lot of things, but promoting rational and measured decision making is not one of those. So if you get the urge to punch on with someone in a club, even if they legitimately did hit on your girlfriend/spill your drink/whatever, just don’t. It’s a pretty quick way to ruin a whole lot of people’s nights and give ground to those crap curfew laws because clearly, the yoof of today can’t behave themselves.

Vomiting

Like creeping, vomiting is a pretty standard part of any night out, but there’s a time and a place for it. The middle of the club is not one of those places. On top of a strangers shoes is not one of those places. Nor is the gutter directly outside the club. Take that spew straight to toilet bowl and for the love of God, flush it. In fact, this rule applies to all bodily functions. Especially poo.

Stealing other people’s bags/jackets

If you’ve made it through the night without pushing in, spilling, requesting, creepin’, PDA-ing, fighting or vomming, there’s just one final thing to remember: don’t be tempted to make off at the end of the night with a coat or handbag someone’s trustingly left on a seat while they have a dance. You didn’t just “find” that leather jacket lying around, you stole it and that ain’t very PLUR.

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Comments

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Poondaddy Shortbread

Poondaddy Shortbread said on the 19th Apr, 2012

PLUR is dead and offensively lame. Applying the principles of DBAC is more appropriate to this day and age.

katiecunningham

katiecunningham said on the 19th Apr, 2012

Dildo breathed ass clown?

christuffa

christuffa said on the 19th Apr, 2012

Probably not, maybe definition No 3 on urban dictionary:

DBAC
Acronym meaning Don't Be A Cnut.
Used as a common positive phrase used to remind cnuts to be something better.
A cnut is someone who is rude, selfish and thrives on bitching and arse gossip.

andosound

andosound said on the 19th Apr, 2012

Giving requests on money would be fine. Some of us might actually make a buck from a night. Doesn't mean they're getting played though.

slackas

slackas said on the 19th Apr, 2012

Requests definitely depend on the club, having played in the odd top 40 joint i know the easiest way to get a request is to bring up a beer/drink of choice....

Only if the request fits within the rules :D

angy

angy said on the 19th Apr, 2012

Down with all these! You could probably add some of the more innocuous shit people do when you're out clubbing, ie. have absolutely no respect for the fact they're in a crowded room. Trot forward, trot backward, bash into people, flail their arms about when dancing etc, as if they're dancing in their bedroom... aaaaargh! LOL

JackT

JackT said on the 19th Apr, 2012

I get the feeling Katie wasn't using 'PLUR' with an entirely straight face...

nrjize

nrjize said on the 19th Apr, 2012

Drink spill where you knock it over in a non dancefloor section = buy a replacement. Dicks who bring their drinks onto the dancefloor can ggf. How long do you expect your drink to last on a crowded dancefloor full of moving bodies?

becy

becy said on the 20th Apr, 2012

steal a bottle of spirits from the bar? Really?

Makkaaa

Makkaaa said on the 20th Apr, 2012

This must all happen at top 40 clubs.

Royal

Royal said on the 20th Apr, 2012

Mackin'? Are you Ice Cube and straight out of the USA?

krewsin

krewsin said on the 20th Apr, 2012

stealing from the bar definitely aint cool

SANDSHREW

SANDSHREW said on the 20th Apr, 2012

MOAR DETAILS ABOUT THE VERY ENTHUSED COUPLE IN ONE UNCOMFORTABLY SMALL CLUB