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You know what’s awesome? Two teams of blokes bashing the goddamn shit out of each other in the name of sport, whilst dressed sort of like future people from a future world where robots rule. That’s pretty much the only reason I’ve ever been able to sit through a game of NFL. Apart from the bone-crunching hits and whacky outfits, the entire game seems kind of offensively stupid. Why do they have to have a bloody meeting after every play? Why are they too lazy to put the ball to the ground when they’re scoring, like we do down here in Australia? Why do they bother interviewing the players for so long when ultimately all they do is grunt and sweat?
Whatever. I can look past all the terrible flaws in the American brand of football just because it consistently delivers ludicrous violence and hence hilarity on a truly base level. This (admittedly fairly stupid) attitude towards the sport means that it’s no surprise that Madden 2005 excites me predominantly on a violent, base level.
This game delivers whacking and hitting in spades. With the advent of the ‘Hit Stick,’ you’re given full control of the tackles. You use one of the control sticks, and if you can flick it at just the right speed and direction, you’ll deliver an hilariously brain-jarring tackle. There are a lot of complex, somewhat inane tactics involved on defence as well, but despite initial attempts to actually think about what I was doing, I ended up using the ‘Ask Madden’ feature, whereby a defensive (or offensive) play is selected for you. It makes things a lot easier and means you can focus on smashing the other team.
Offence, whilst obviously lacking the ability to whack the shit out of your opponents for laughs, does serve up some brilliant times. This is where the ‘Ask Madden’ feature didn’t get a work out. You can select from a large variety of plays, whereby you, as the quarterback, can pass off to the half-back or the wide-receiver or whoeverthefuck, whom you then control. Then you can sprint, push, whack, side-step, etc. in an attempt to get ‘downs’ or get over the touch line.
Basically, this game has the potential to work on two levels. For hardcore NFL freaks and geeks, there’s a huge selection of customisable features and complex plays. For those with no working knowledge of the sport, the game can serve up brilliant, intensely fun bash-and-smash sporting fun.
For the freaks, the game has a wealth of options; customisable plays, well-modelled players who move with impressive fluidity, genuine real-life stadiums and the opportunity to manage your team. You can set ticket prices, negotiate contracts and decide how much a hot dog and a beer will cost your fans. Players will whinge to you about not getting enough time on the field (however my players, bar a couple, always say ‘I couldn’t be happier with the Jets!’ which obviously means I’m an awesome manager). On higher skill levels – when EAsy Play is turned off – the game demands genuine tactical abilities and incredibly fast thumbs and fingers. The depth of the game really is impressive. EA haven’t left anything out. In the create-a-player feature, you’re given the option to edit the shape, size and composition of the player’s arse. What more could you want?
For the average Aussie punter who doesn’t care much for the Yankee brand of footy, the game is still bloody satisfying. Managing teams is fun, and even without knowing who any of the players are, tackling them and avoiding their defensive attempts is great. The game never forces its complexity on to you, but if you’re comfortable with a genuinely challenging (and satisfying) gaming experience, it’s happy to serve that up.
The game lacks only in commentary. John Madden’s inane and often insane ramblings are extremely tedious, and it seems as though he and his fellow commentator have a vocabulary of around 30 phrases which they just spout out sporadically and sometimes inappropriately. You can only hear ‘he’s the kind of player who’s played for years’ a few times before you want to tackle your volume control.
Overall, despite the spastic commentary, this is a deadset winner. It offers something for everyone, and pretty much demands that you have a good time.
Rating: 4.5 out of 5
