Conan The Barbarian [2 Disc Special Edition]

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Earl Jones, Max von Sydow, Sandahl Bergman, Ben Davidson
Director: John Milius
Classification: MA15+
Run Time: 125 Mins

Ah the memories, the film that seemed tailor made to launch Arnold Schwarzenneger’s “acting” career and pioneered QUALITY in a genre that has become a joke in the intervening 20 years. The Conan character by Robert E. Howard, has translated into many formats over the years, starting from its serial novella beginnings through to comics and finally to film with this 1982 classic of Sword and Sorcery. Having been put off the Conan flicks years ago by the terrible ‘Conan: The Destroyer’ I was pleasantly surprised to rediscover the escapist sex and violence of the original.

The sometimes thinly stretched plot of the film involves the young Conan witnessing the destruction of his family and village before entering a life of slavery, pushing an oversized “wheel of pain” for no apparent reason except to ensure that after the obligatory time-lapse sequence in which he grows to a man he is; as Arnie would put it; “Hooge”. He then embarks on gladiatorial training that ensures he has the skills to put his enormous bulk to good use for the rest of the story, before delivering a classic Ghengis Khan quote and being set free to pursue the classic revenge story. With only the memory of 2 intertwined snakes as his clue, Conan picks up a rag tag bunch of adventurers including Valeria (Sandahl Bergman, barbarian eye candy in a skimpy outfit) and Subotai the Mongol (Gerry Lopez, Tonto to Arnie’s Lone Ranger) to accompany him in his adventure to destroy the evil Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones, the snake worshipping Overlord). With the story progressing (albeit rather slowly) to the final confrontation, with plenty of blood and flesh (both sexy and gory) along the way.

Thankfully with such a scorched, yet epic, world portrayed in the other Conan cannon, director John Millius has found great locations and created stunning sets (without the aid of computer enhancement to scale) and props, in which to set the cinematic adventures of his interpretation of Conan. Arnold IS Conan, monosyllabic (practically mute through most of the film) and a mountain of a man, with the character’s signature determination and strength in spades. The supporting cast does an admirable job with their comedic relief, buxom vixen and evil villain roles well defined – Earl Jones is a stand out with a quiet, subdued, malevolence that owns the screen. Also Doom’s minions do a great job of generally splashing blood around the place and carrying out his threats.

This 2 disc special edition DVD set, includes a bucket load of extra material including Conan related art, a making of documentary, a featurette on the history of Conan since his creation by author Robert E. Howard and possibly best of all a very funny director commentary in which Arnold makes a few choice contributions. Although the deleted scenes section seems a bit of a waste it does show the economy with which the movie was made, with very little footage wasted. Thankfully Arnold makes major contributions to the making of doco as it turns what can normally be a very dull part of special editions into an amusing addition.

If your one for sword and sorcery films, or even just love a “funtazzic mooofie”, I highly recommend this for the home DVD collection, arguably the best film in this genre, if you can over look the thin plot and loose yourself in the great 80s traditions of sexy and violent films (oh why don’t they make films like Blade Runner or Porky’s anymore?) your going to enjoy watching it for the first or 20th time.

Rating: 4 out of 5

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