(Nukleuz/Inertia)

“Hello? Nukleuz Records? I just got this new 12” and I gotta ask you, why do they all sound the same?

Well, Take a Ride makes my stomach churn, my head break out in sweat droplets and my heart rate’s just a little higher, but all it seems to do is ride along and peak three times before dying completely, leaving me to find something else more exciting to get my dancefloor moving.

Then, on the B-side, Durban Poison is pretty much the same, only with more cheesy synth work I’ve heard many more times than I can remember. One of my house friends reckons it could be interesting played at 33, but then it doesn’t really get going and those damn synths can’t be cut by any EQ on my mixer.

What did you say? Why do I keep buying this guff? Well, you guys keep belting it out and I like my hard beatz but really, this is soft. What was that? At least it’s not hardstyle? What are you talking about?! Don’t you know it’s gonna take over dancefloors across the world? Sydney’s just waking up to it and, and … oh, they hung up on me.”