Perez Hilton and will.i.am get into a bitch fight of ridiculous proportions

We usually steer clear of this kind of trash, but when two divas like the once credible Black Eyed Peas frontman will.i.am and the never credible blogger Perez Hilton get into a physical scuffle, it’s just too ridiculous not to report on.

Word of the fracas got out with a message on the blogger’s Twitter account, in which a clearly distressed Hilton stated in two Tweets, “I’m in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please. I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.”

The Black Eyed Peas frontman of course did what any other normal person would do, and set up his own Twitter account to refute Hilton’s claims. ‘I hit you Perez? Come on dude! I didn’t hit you,” he said. “Instead of calling police you twittered that I assaulted you. Sounds like somebody wants mad attention.” Oh, snap! This move sparked Hilton to record a video message, and in response he called the singer a “fucking liar” before breaking down into tears. Naturally, will.i.am released his own video with his version of events claiming that Hilton called him a “faggot” and that a group of fans then attacked Hilton, not himself. It’s all incredibly convoluted and plays out like a schoolyard fight between two petulant pre-teens.

With each party retaliating through different media platforms and the situation escalating beyond control, we can only hope that this conflict takes the following logical next steps:

Both Perez and will.i.am release confrontational diss tracks directed at each other, hopefully titled something like bitch.i.am and Big Queens Don’t Cry.

The two celebrities take part in a steel cage match with the WWE: two men enter, one man leaves…the other leaves a little later on.

Perez and will.i.am ultimately apologise to each other for the incident and go on to star in a high-action buddy-cop movie where the two polar-opposite characters learn the meaning of friendship.

Although we’re unsure where this drama will go from here, it’s clear that this was a fight where, no matter what the outcome, we – the general public – were the real winners.