The quintessential boy band New Kids on the Block were set to bring their aging, but still incredibly-fresh boyish good looks back to Australia for the reunion tour to end all reunion tours (even better than Salt N’ Pepa’s botched attempts to return to our shores, y’all). Except, you didn’t actually want them. Yesterday the group revealed on their website that the tour has been cancelled due to the “recession’s stranglehold on the world’s economies” (a thinly veiled reference to poor ticket sales). ITM says, shame on you all for destroying the NKOTB dream.

Crushingly, no mention of a rescheduled tour was made in the statement from touring company Andrew McManus Presents. “Due to circumstances beyond their control, the New Kids On The Block have been forced to cancel their upcoming Australian tour dates. The group is incredibly disappointed and very sorry they won’t be able to perform in Australia at this time,” the statement said.

“The guys are very grateful for all the love and support from their Australian fans.” Which was clearly a facetious reference to the lack of support the tour received from the group’s so-called ‘fans’. Yes, he’s talking about you guys. All of you fickle ITMers who jump at the chance to party at a summer festival, or support your local underground night, but couldn’t even get off your lazy asses to pay the measly $175 that it cost in some instances to witness the magical reunion of arguably the greatest pop band ever. They graced the cover of TV Hits over 100 times, don’t you know?

Fortunately, News Limited was on hand to give the grieving fans an outlet for their emotional anguish. “I was in love with all of them,” told 28-year old Neesha Crebbin, who bought tickets for the Adelaide show. She spoke openly of how besotted her generation was with the group’s five young heartthrobs. “I had all albums, merchandise and videos… I was too young to see them when they toured Australia last time, so this was going to be my turn.”

Dastardly rival promoter Michael Chugg took the chance to sink the boot in, however. “New Kids on the Block was very big years ago… no one really gives a shit about them now,” he said, having the nerve to suggest that the price of tickets might not have matched the quality of the group. Blasphemous!

ITM thinks you should all go and have a long hard think about what you’ve done. To show you just what you’ve missed out on, check out the clip for NKOTB’s 1989 ‘gangster-lite’ single Hangin’ Tough. Clearly you’re all not nearly rough enough…