The powerhouse that is Ministry Of Sound have always had their fingers in many different pies, whether it be as a club, a label, or as a merch-savvy super brand, and it would seem as though that ethos has rubbed off on the Ministry Of Sound boss, James Palumbo, who’s releasing his very first novel, entitled Tomas.

Reading like some kind of twisted celebrity take on George Orwell’s 1984, Palumbo’s Tomas details the quest of reluctant celebrity Thomas, who, armed with nothing but a tommy gun and a revolver, “sets out to teach the world a lesson and becomes a messiah along the way”. Couple that premise with a supporting cast of militant judges, angelic prostitutes and telekinetic aliens and you’ve got what we reckon sounds like a pretty hilarious read. Similarly entertaining are the animated vignettes on the book’s website, which we definitely recommend sussing out.

Although this is Palumbo’s first literary offering, we think we’ll see more from him soon enough, judging by the horror stories he let loose on roaming ITM reporter Skrufff. Apparently, the Ministry Of Sound supremo carried a stun gun and CS gas and wore a bullet proof vest after taking on London’s ‘organised crime families’ over drug dealing at his UK club in the early ‘90s.

The self described ‘ex-public school City boy’ described how his security teams largely ignored his authority, blatantly sanctioning drug sales of up to £50,000 worth of ecstasy each weekend. When balaclava wearing thugs robbed the club’s takings one Sunday morning in 1993, he called in the cops who raided the club soon after, arresting many of the door staff.

Recruiting a replacement firm from Birmingham, the former head boy of Eton and son of uber-rich multi-millionaire Lord Palumbo then described standing on the door in terror, scanning passing cars for gun toting assassins. “Having just fired the club’s security staff for drug-dealing, I was waiting for them to retaliate, as street law dictated they must,” said Palumbo.

“Street law rotates around the words ‘respect’ and ‘disrespect’,” he added, “The ‘badder’ you are, the more time you spend in prison, the greater the ‘respect’ due to you. According to this code for morons, the avenger of the ‘disrespect’ we had shown the door team would gain instant street credibility.”