My Big Brother audition: "Let the humiliation begin!"

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New house, new housemates, new host, same concept – Big Brother returns in 2012 and the auditions attract thousands of hopefuls from around Australia, including myself. Auditions are notoriously tough but crowds are willing to brave the long, cold, toiletless lines in the hope they’ll be chosen as one of the lucky 12 contestants.

The first hurdle for me however was trying to get my mother to be my witness and sign my application form. “Think of the family!” Mum protested. Knowing I was barking up the wrong tree, I woke up my brother who eventually (and very begrudgingly) signed it for me. “You better get in after this… but just don’t be that bitchy gay guy if you do,” he warned.

I didn’t make it past the first round. Arriving for the audition at roughly 9am, I joined the queue of hundreds and started rehearsing my speech in my head whilst waiting in line. Waiting in front of two guys from Canberra, we got to chatting and were speculating what we’d be willing to do to get into the Big Brother house – “anything” was the consensus. Advertised as the year of secrets, the Big Brother confirmation email advised not to reveal too much to people waiting in line, as this would be crucial if you were selected later down the track.

After an hour of waiting in line outside, we were finally at the front and were soon on our way into the studio itself… to find another massive line and a group of more than a hundred people waiting patiently in a foyer area.The arrow pointing to the cafeteria was a worrying sight as exhausted-looking people ambled back to their seats with coffee in hand.

One of the boys from Canberra spotted a friend who had camped out from the night before, who was one of the first to be auditioned. He was walking out of a closed-off room, disappointed and confused. His loss would be our gain. After getting a detailed account of what the audition process would be like, my new Canberra friend came back with a confident smile planted on his face. He detailed the exact happenings of the group round of auditions to us. This would prove extremely beneficial later through the day.

By this time, we had collected our numbers and were sitting down in the foyer area. Card tricks and games were played to pass the time among our new mates among the hopefuls. We devised a game where one person had to look around the room and say “Find a person with…” and then the other two had to race to find the described person. This seemed to make the day go a bit quicker, although three hours had easily passed by now.

Finally, they called out our numbers and we were sent into a room with a group of others. We were all split up, probably to make the situation as uncomfortable as possible. “Okay, we’re just going to play a few games,” the initiator stated. Let the humiliation begin.

We had to introduce ourselves and were then told to roll around on the ground “to loosen up”. After being kicked in the eye, they told us to get up and to start flirting with the person next to us. It’s hard to know what the point of these games were to the people walking around inspecting us, but I was definitely out of my comfort zone and judging by the incredibly faked smiles around me, I wasn’t alone.

It was then time for a question and answer session where you had to stand behind the cone that reflected your personal opinion. “Stand behind A if you think gay marriage should be legal. Stand behind B if you think civil ceremonies are sufficient. And stand behind C if you think gay people shouldn’t be allowed to marry.” After a few more questions, it was time to break into groups and build objects with ourselves. We had to be a pool, the Harbour Bridge and the Eiffel Tower.

It was then time for the decision on who would be going into the next round. They chose the one guy who just had to throw in the fact that he was a model, and the girl with the platinum blonde extensions who couldn’t stop laughing. That said, I wasn’t bitter at all. It had been a fun experience and I was so glad I woke up early on Saturday morning to compete. Here’s to a bunny ears-free season!